Tribute to the almighty

Discussion in 'Fitness & Nutrition' started by Phineas Q Stork, Nov 14, 2005.

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  1. Phineas Q Stork

    Phineas Q Stork Active Member

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    15 Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris


    1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

    3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

    4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

    6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

    7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

    8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

    9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

    10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

    11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

    13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

    14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

    Could be a repost, but who cares
     
  2. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    Durty Durty ATL Niggah
    thats fucking disgusting

    :lockd::lockd:
     
  3. brolli

    brolli OT Supporter

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    wtf man, those images are sick
     
  4. Phineas Q Stork

    Phineas Q Stork Active Member

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    whoops, note to self, dont link pics as they will turn into something else. It was supposed to be chuck holding uzis :(
     
  5. Danny

    Danny New Member

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    Damn I missed out on the pics
     
  6. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    Durty Durty ATL Niggah
    no you didnt
     
  7. Danny

    Danny New Member

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    :rofl:
    Guess it was pretty bad
     
  8. Phineas Q Stork

    Phineas Q Stork Active Member

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    They turned into horrific images when it was supposed to be chuck in all of his glory!
     
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