Tough situation with my girlfriend...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by thahamer, May 2, 2007.

  1. thahamer

    thahamer New Member

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    Over the past couple of weeks I have been making subtle comments about possibly trying anal, and also about her swallowing (not so bluntly of course) We have a pretty open relationship and can freely talk. Through the conversation I came to find that she has had some pretty bad relationships in the past. The first guy she ever had sex with completely destroyed her emotionally. At some point, while having sex with her he went for anal, without telling her or anything, and says that she felt violated and taken advantage of at the time. Also, when giving this same guy head, he grabbed the back of her head and according to her was very violent/uncaring about her.

    I have now come to realise why she has the tendencies that she does (only wants to have sex occasionally, afraid to try new things, was very muvh against my suggestion)

    Now i am not sure what to do. I am a very sexual person, and enjoy trying new things. On the other hand she is the complete opposite. I feel that there must be some way I can help her out, but at the same time I almost feel guilty. Like I should convince myself to surpress my urges.
     
  2. fray

    fray New Member

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    Doesn't sounds like you can talk freely if you are trying to make subtle comments about these things.

    Build up to it slowly. Hold off on the swallowing goal and let her get used to head where she isn't fearing you're going to fuck her throat until she's choking. Discuss the anal, that's gotta be done if you're going to have any hope of working up to it. Either way, you've got to talk about it, and let her become comfortable with it and realize it's not going to be like before.
     
  3. thahamer

    thahamer New Member

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    I probably worded that wrong.. by subtle hints i mean.. i pretty much said it flat out. either way she knows its something that I was trying to ake happen
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

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    i still think if she's had problems with it in the past, or it has not been something she's really been into, you can't expect her to just jump right in and be all gung-ho about either of those things. You're going to have to work up to it slowly. Maybe you can convince her to let you incorporate a little anal play into your foreplay, maybe you can help her to enjoy blow jobs more...something along those lines is more likely to get you what you want.

    I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting what you want...but you can't get angry at her for not wanting what she doesn't want. However, I don't think anything is wrong with exploring and finding out what she actually does or doesn't want.

    Maybe you could bring it up again like "what are some things you would like to do? Oh well here's what I would like to do...."
     
  5. thahamer

    thahamer New Member

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    So far i have pretty much been doing exactly that. I am making her feel as comfortable as possible and helping her see that I truly care about her in a way that the other guy hadn't. I am definitely not getting angry, because I understand and in the end I know that our relationship is the most important part of all of this.
     
  6. fray

    fray New Member

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    How long have you been dating and how old are you guys?
     
  7. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    :run: RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAGlc

    Go find a new girlfriend quick.



    ninja edit: You have a thing or two to learn about women as well. Not trying to be a dick, but the sooner you realize this and get it fixed the happier you will be. Please go find the Dating Ebooks thread and read 'The Way of the Superior Man' and 'The David Shade Manual' and if you can find it, get 'The Franco Seduction Manual'.
     
  8. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    i know where your gf is coming from. at some point in my life a similar occurance happen to me. moreso that i told the guy i didn't wanna have sex a lot throughout the night and when we were messing around he did anyways, but i didn't stop it till about a minute in. Even though i didn't stop it till then i told him now again and he stopped and i started crying my eyes out. i know that it doesn't count as rape but i still feel like he violated my trust. that is a reason i kind of have a hard time doing things sexually with my current SO. and it sucks because he is a really sexual person as opposed to me, where i can go days without doing it. And also a similar thing happened to me when it came to anal; was fucking and it accidentally slipped out and into that one while doing it doggie style. But i know that that was an accident, but it still really hurt to where i was crying after because it hurt so bad.

    advise wise: just try not to bring it up as much. kind of let things go according to how she wants it. sure you can kind of bring things up but don't expect a green light or anything.
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    What does this mean?

    I'm completely confused by this statement.

    You sound like big fun in the sack

    was this before or after you cried your eyes out?
     
  10. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    the anal thing was a totally different situation douchebag. you don't have to be mean about it.
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Ok bitch.

    I still want to know what this means:

     
  12. fray

    fray New Member

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    I was in this situation with my very first boyfriend, when I was still a virgin. We'd be messing around and he'd just try to slip it in without my noticing. Yes, we were naked, we were messing around, blah blah blah, but we were still building up to the sex point, I wasn't ready and he would always try to take it there, whether or not I wanted.

    God I was stupid back then.
     
  13. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Why do you say red flag?
     
  14. fray

    fray New Member

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    I assumed unwilling to compromise or try new things. of course, I didn't make the initial post.

    I don't disagree though, but I think he can't really write her off immediately for anything he posted above, if he cares even a little, without some more effort first.
     
  15. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    everyone has sexual mishaps. thats fine. but theres a point you have to just get over it, and move on. `



    sounds like shes more interested in the drama fest than having fun.
     
  16. Jackie Treehorn

    Jackie Treehorn Active Member

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    It always amazes me when women put themselves in these situations. If you are naked and he is naked, he IS GOING TO TRY TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. I think it's why a lot of "rapes" occur. Not to say they aren't legitimate violations, but it's kind of like standing in front of speeding train and not moving.

    Of course the "God I was stupid back then" plays a role too, but I've heard similar stories from women who should know better then to put themselves in such a scenario if they don't want to have sex.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    That's like putting your neck in a hangman's noose and expecting him not to pull the lever that triggers the trap door.

    To me, a woman doing that is the ultimate act of arrogance and self-centeredness.
     
  18. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    yes i was fine with us messing around but before we had gotten to that point i told him i didn't wanna have sex. during us messing around i still kept saying i didn't wanna have sex.

    then at some point he just stuck it in and started fucking me.

    a minute into that i told him to stop as i pushed him away. and he stopped.


    yes i don't consider it rape seeing as i didn't stop him immediately after it happened but i still feel violated.
     
  19. fray

    fray New Member

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    well, we're talking when I was 15 years old and we had done the innocent kissing, then the making out, then the dry humping, then dry humping with no shirt... etc. It was building up, but wasn't there yet. I mean, c'mon, you don't go from a quick peck to full on sex overnnight. Now if you're talking currently, I totally agree with you. You can't be having sex/sexually experienced and not realize that if you're naked in bed with someone, they're not going to assume that is a consent to sex, whether you see it that way or not.
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Don't you see how this is like standing in the middle of the highway, then complaining about the pain after a car runs you over?

    Men want to fuck you. Get naked and spread your legs, and chances are a dick is going in your pussy.
     
  21. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    so to the OP i still say

    advise wise: just try not to bring it up as much. kind of let things go according to how she wants it. sure you can kind of bring things up but don't expect a green light or anything.
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Let me translate this for you. She is saying:

    "Give up."
     
  23. poweraid

    poweraid OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    :werd:
     
  24. fray

    fray New Member

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    no, she's saying don't force the issue. There's a whole post about this in the my gf wants to fuck me in the ass so i can fuck her in the ass thread. Put it out there and let it simmer.

    What are your options? Anally rape her or break up? Obviously he could break up if he's not getting what he wants, but I'm under the impression he hasn't gotten himself to that point yet.
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    If he wants it, he needs to learn from men who are good at getting women to submit to anal sex. He's going to have to get her turned on by the idea of it.
     

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