Too much sex Limiting Productivity?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by kristaliah, Apr 27, 2008.

  1. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I've been dating the same guy for over a year and everything is great. We get along, he makes me laugh, I like his family, he likes mine.. But whenever we have a weekend alone together - or anytime alone, all we do is have sex.

    It's really hard now with finals coming up.. I'm out of work, we both have papers to write and exams to study for but we can't even stay focused. We get started, sit at the kitchen table - somewhere OUT of the bedroom - but end up either on the kitchen counter or back in the bedroom. Even when we tried studying at the library we both couldn't wait to get out of there.

    I feel like I'm limiting his productivity by him laying around in bed with me all day. He claims he enjoys it but I just don't know..

    I don't want to tell him not to come over because I really do like spending time with him and I also like the sex. I'd say it's 50/50 as to who is initiating it through either teasing, suggestive comments, or straight out touching. And our relationship is NOT based on sex.. We just really enjoy our time spent together and have really strong chemistry.

    So basically, I'm honestly asking for tips as to how we can stay focused so that we can actually get stuff done. :hs: We've had a list of important things to do this weekend and past weekends, but all we do is lay around in bed. :hsd:
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I mean this in the nicest way possible...

    Get a life and think with your head.

    I can understand having a strong sexual chemistry; that's great! But when you both have important school issues coming up you need to do what is best for both of you-study.

    Take some space from each other :ugh: Being toegther daily when you don't even live together and lying around one another instead of studying or putting in hard school work will bite you in the ass. You can have sex later.

    Hell, you can even flat out tell him right now that you think it would be "best" for both of you if you guys seperate from each other just for a bit so you can focus on school. It will be a big hoorah! when you are done with these finals and such and then can have all the sex you want and be lazy around one another.
     
  3. bigb14

    bigb14 New Member

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    When i need to study for finals i basically cut myself off from all society for 2 weeks. It actually works pretty well.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    to put it not so nicely: upon my initial read, I thought you guys were married and/or living together...but you're not?

    Get a life outside of each other. Please. I know it's really easy to just go to each other when you are bored or lonely, but come on...what are you going to do if you ever have to be apart for a few days or something?

    You can survive a few days apart while you each study for finals.

    Also, you say you're out of work...might I suggest using some of your free time to look for a new job instead of just inviting him over?

    You made the thread out of worry for him, however, I'm more worried about you.
     
  5. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Nope. Not living together.. yet.

    I got in a bad car accident back in Feb.. Most of the time I'm in insane amounts of pain so him being around helps. I don't like being alone when I'm hurting and like having him around to take care of me and dole out pain pills. I've been out of work and basically cut off from the world since the accident, so not having him around would kind of suck.

    He's worried about me though too. Leaving me alone means that I'm basically all alone. But then when we are together, we just like to play.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So in other words...you keep him around as a crutch. You do realize how unhealthy that is and how rewarding it could be if you did something by and for yourself, right?

    It's obvious now you are dependent on him, whether you are in denial or not and want to blame it on "we are in love and happy." Considering you are out of work I'd think you'd want to do everything possible to make sure your grades are excellent so that you can hopefully get a good job. In other words, I think not seeing him for even 2 days would do you some good.
     
  7. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I'm not using him as a crutch.. We hung out and had sex all day before the accident. And I DO want my grades to be good, but it's just hard to prioritize when he's around and when he's not around I just want him here. :hs:

    I wouldn't say I'm dependent on him.. We have a fairly healthy relationship it's just I need some support with this knee injury.

    My grades are fine for the most part, I'm taking my time with school because it's kinda expensive for me.. And it's not just finals that we are being distracted from. I'll need to go the grocery store for milk but we'll end up in the bedroom. Finals was just an example of what's going on NOW, but we basically distract each other from everyday tasks.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well why ask for advice when it's so obvious?

    You can continue to smother each other with yourselves and not get any work done....or you can set some boundaries and some space for the first time and hopefully do well on your finals. End of story.

    I know you are an intelligent girl; I've read many of your posts...I'm not sure how to understand that you can sort of be this blind I guess. Not having a life outside one another or more importantly, not being able to finish simple tasks because you surround yourself with one another is just not healthy in the long run. What happens when you make excuses about going and trying to find a job because he keeps you in bed all day and that's more appealing? Of course it's more appealing to be smitten with one another, but there is a real world.
     
  9. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I guess it's just hard to not necessarily say no to him, but to put other things above him, and I know he feels the same. We really do value each other as the most important things in our lives, so it's hard to put something else above the other one.. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but I guess that's my dilemma. So I just have to learn to say no and hope that the mild rejection doesn't hurt him. :dunno:
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    If he gets upset over not coming over one night then he needs a reality check. What you two are doing right now is before even living with one another. If you move in together this is the exact type of behavior that eventually fails relationships.
     
  11. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Really?
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Have you missed the constant threads of the couple's who move in together and have NO lives outside of each other? The fact that you are even anxious to tell him you need one day apart from him is kind of sad really.

    I can understand being in love, but when it prevents you from functioning well in society it's not a surprise that it can eventually crash and burn. It's great now, but when/if you eventually live together and you still have no lives apart from each other someone is going to get tired and smothered.
     
  13. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    But I thought it was a good thing for our lives to merge together?

    For the most part they have.. I get along with his close friends, and even though my friends are creeps ( :mamoru: ) he gets along with them. We can still go out and do fun stuff, it's just that we'd rather be together.

    I understand what you're saying, but I don't necessarily think that the fact that we really enjoy being together will eventually tear us apart. I know for a fact that we're not stuck in that "lust" phase.. We've been through too much and I think that our relationship has a solid enough foundation for it to be based on sex and dependency.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    No, merging your lives isn't a problem, like I said, being in love and working well with one another is great! And of course I can't say that you and him could be torn apart for those reasons, I'm just going off of the many stories others could tell you about their SO's being their whole life and it turning out for the worse because of it.

    Sure, you may still go out and do things together (which is great, being hermits together is obviously a BAD thing), but if you have no life outside of him, if you two are just known as "Jack & Jane," if you can't even finish errands or homework because he keeps you in bed with him....that's just not good.
     
  15. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I guess I see your point.. But it's not just him keeping me in bed, a lot of times it's me keeping him bed.

    I think we just need to learn how to focus. :hsd:
     
  16. digitalbs

    digitalbs Active Member

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    I apologize if I am off-base here, but it honestly sounds like your relationship is based on sex. Yeah, you have a great relationship with his family, friends, and you get along with everyone and have fun when you're out, but whenever you're alone it sounds like you two just have sex. And as was suggested, it doesn't sound like you two have any life outside of each other.

    Learn some restraint :) Manage things a bit better!
     
  17. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I just think it's one of the perks that we take full advantage of. If anything I think it's very good that after a year and a half we still can't keep our hands off one another. At least I know he's attracted to me and that I'm attracted to him. And I can be looking rough, and be sick etc but I'll do something that he thinks is absolutely adorable and then we end up in bed together. I think that's a pretty good thing. I agree though that just need to learn how to manage things better.
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2008
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Picked this quote because its easy to address, yet can be applied to all of your subsequent posts...

    He can go a day or two without seeing you. You both have important things you need to get done...we can reasonably assume that you two will still like each other and want each other once those 2 days apart are past.

    The bolded part shows that you guys (or at least you) ARE dependent. Hell, even couples that are happily married and living together can handle a day or two apart. It's not mild rejection...it's life.

    If he does get all upset about not seeing you for a day or two...well, that's the monster you two created together.

    Also...with you two saying you are the most important thing in each other's lives right now....come on. Reality check. You're 21, 22 at most. The most important things in each of your lives right now should be school and/or work. I know you're madly in love, but at this age, there's no absolute guarantee you'll stay together. Just for reference, I'm only 24.

    It SOUNDS like that if you were able/were working, and you were scheduled to work today, if he asked you to stay home and have sex all day, you would. Me? Not gonna happen. My financial security is more important than sex, no matter how great it is. I'm not gonna risk getting fired for missing work just so I can have sex. If you guys really want it that badly, you can find a way/time to get together without compromising more important things in your lives.

    I'm pretty sure you'll disagree with a lot of what I have said, and disagree STRONGLY with at least a little what I have said. I don't care, I just want you to at least think about what some of us have been saying.
     
  19. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    No, no. He knows that work is the most important thing to me. I have nobody to bail me out, so I HAVE to go and I hate my jobs so that's saying something. Work comes first, but since I can't work, he's now my number one priority.

    I see what you're saying, I really do but I still think taht we aren't dependent on each other.
     
  20. Kirlain

    Kirlain First world problems

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    You guys need to get married. Can I come to the wedding? I'll go ring shopping with Zack. Srsly.

    Oh and btw, hai!:wavey:
     
  21. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    When i need to study I stay as far away from all distractions as possible. I leave my laptop home, go to a coffee shop that no one I know goes to or works at, turn off my phone, and leave any SO i have out of the picture.
    Studying with an SO is about as productive as studying in front of the TV
     
  22. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Seriously, you wouldn't study with a six pack, you wouldn't study without your books, you wouldn't study at your unproductive hours. Make an environment conducive to YOUR learning, for you (and me) that means no boyfriend.
    "hey, I'm going to be studying all day so i'll catch up with you later"
     
  23. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    We don't want to get married til we're out of school but I'm down with getting engaged whenever.
     
  24. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Haha, but for him, he can't even focus if he's not around me. Not saying that then he'll just lay around touching himself but hell find every excuse NOT to study. Like, he srsly deep cleaned his room and bathroom when he had a test this semester.

    At least if I'm around I can reward him when he studies, or help him focus. :dunno:


    I know, we're hopeless. *I* study better without him, but he's pretty hopeless without me.
     
  25. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Then when YOU need to study, you need to do it alone. Try to think of long term goals, you can make a better life for you and him, (or whoever you're with) if you do well in school.
    He needs to be a big boy and deal with his own shit, don't let him become dependent on you. I'm the same way, I often reorganize past taxes, clean rooms that aren't my responsibility, ANYTHING to avoid homework, but at the end of the day I have to take responsibility for my own shit and get it done.
     

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