Too much of a nice guy

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by hom3lesshom3boy, Jan 14, 2006.

  1. hom3lesshom3boy

    hom3lesshom3boy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,229
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NorCal
    I think I'm way too much of a nice guy :dunno:. Actually, I AM too much of a nice guy. My friends call me whipped, and I know it too. I always want to spend time with her, but she likes to busy herself with other things (friends, rehearsals for the school play, etc.). Whether she does this to keep some sort of independence, or to hint at that I need to stop being so whipped, or she may not know wtf she's doing. It's both of our first relationships. I feel like my nice-guy attitude has kind of sucked the spark out of our relationship. What can I do to relight that spark? I'm not talking about sex, but just the feeling that makes you appreciate your SO. It's more or less gone, I feel.
     
  2. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Messages:
    3,843
    Likes Received:
    0
    Give and take, not one or the other
     
  3. dark cloud

    dark cloud New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    3,238
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UCF
    How about.... quit acting like you are now. There's really nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your SO, and there's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. You just have to make it clear that there are other things in your life as well besides her. What is wrong is when you become a spineless nice guy, don't stand up for yourself, quit leading the relationship because of "what she wants", and following her every order. You should be the man in the relationship, you decide what happends and when. What happends in relationships is you two begin to develop this dependency on eachother because you begin to think you can't live without the other person. You have to balance your life so that it does not revolve around seeing eachother. Paradoxically, If you have the attitude that you can walk away from any relationship you will have more success with any relationship.
     
  4. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Messages:
    3,843
    Likes Received:
    0
    Are you happy?
     
  5. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    give her some time alone, cause she's obviously (subtlely) asking for it. don't call, don't ask to go out, etc. she'll eventually come to you and will pry say, "i've missed you so much."

    either that, or you could be honest and just talk to her about it. honesty, imo, is the best policy.

    however, remember that in ANY relationship (imo), you shouldn't lose your own identity. your wants, dreams, friends, etc. should still be a part of your life. don't be so quick to replace your friends with her.
     
  6. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Messages:
    3,843
    Likes Received:
    0
    :bigthumb:
    If honesty fails, the relationship isn't for you.
    You had a life before your relationship, your life shouldn't then BE your relationship.
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    :werd:

    and :noes: what's with the new user text and av, chica? :eek3:
     
  8. armond

    armond New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2003
    Messages:
    2,389
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Spend some time with your buddies, give her the time she needs to realize she misses you. Smothering her doesn't make it work.
     
  9. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    :rofl: the adorable baby is the girl in my av's son. he's 6 months old, and sooo purdy, ain't he?

    user text... :o sometimes i wonder myself
     
  10. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Ya know, I should've guessed based on the facial expression :mamoru:
     
  11. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    :rofl: that's why he makes the perfect av :mamoru:
     
  12. hom3lesshom3boy

    hom3lesshom3boy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,229
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NorCal
    Thanks guys :hs:.
     
  13. hom3lesshom3boy

    hom3lesshom3boy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,229
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NorCal
    It's not like I'm at her beck and call, it's that I take the initiative to immerse myself into her life :o. She never voices her own opinion, is indecisive, and replaces the word "no" with "I don't know" in her vocabulary.
     
  14. hom3lesshom3boy

    hom3lesshom3boy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,229
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NorCal
    I really don't have a lot of buddies to go to. One friend is transferring, one friend has been expelled and is being homeschooled, one is gay so he's have teh buttsex all day, one friend is with his other friends, and the other has a girlfriend that goes to another school so he spends his afternoons with her. My schedule is for the most part free, so what else do I have to do besides be with my girlfriend :dunno:
     
  15. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    get some friends, its not that hard to meet people if you take some initiative
     
  16. hom3lesshom3boy

    hom3lesshom3boy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,229
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NorCal
    It's not like I'm a kind of loner. Honestly, before we got girlfriends (some of us got boyfriends :noes) we had the time of our lives. My school is also VERY clique-oriented, so to just pop into a random group of people, that I somewhat know/don't know isn't really going to work.
     
  17. deznutz

    deznutz New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
    Messages:
    29,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hang out with different kinds of girls....i rarely even hang out with guys anymore..hahaha i just love women
     
  18. hom3lesshom3boy

    hom3lesshom3boy New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,229
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NorCal
    But then that'll get my girlfriend jealous, and she may hate me or breakup with me. I kinda want this relationship to work.
     
  19. skelm

    skelm New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2006
    Messages:
    868
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Mate. Grow up.

    If she breaks up with you for something like this then there isn't any trust in the relationship... Would you care if she went and hanged out with some friends of hers if they were guys? If the answer to that is yes then you two really don't belong together.

    You want this to work out you said... Do you really see youself never being able to hang out with another girl again, never being able to hang out with your mates again without making her jealous? Since the answers to these two questions are most likely no (I hope) Then you should be able to see that unless things are worked out then sooner or later the two of you are doomed to split.

    You need to stop being so scared you will lose her, if that's always on your mind you will never enjoy the relationship and she is much more likely to leave you for being so darn insecure.

    It's hard, but you have to trust her and she has to trust you. You both need lives outside each other and that means you should be able to hang out with other girls without making her feel like you are planning to leave her.
     
  20. dark cloud

    dark cloud New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    3,238
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UCF
    Jealousy is a powerful thing. Consequently, a girl won't feel a real attraction for you until she realizes that other women want you as well.
     
  21. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    :werd:

    Quit worrying about how she will react to things and do what you feel.
     
  22. dark cloud

    dark cloud New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2003
    Messages:
    3,238
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UCF
    Well then take some initiative and do instead of ask.
     
  23. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    How about this: Stop spending so much time with her and in your free time surf the dating advice sites. There are lots of them, such as

    www.Speedseduction.com
    www.DoubleYourDating.com (free newsletter I think)
    www.Askmen.com/dating/DocLove (my favorite, but stick to just his articles on this site)

    I am sure there are tons more. Many have forums that address the very things you are going through, and have been repeated time and time again. You want to be a nice guy, but don't act like a child who is dependant on his mother. Go out, make some new friends somewhere, get a POS car to work on (but wear gloves so you're not some greasy dork), or whatever. Just show her that you have some independance and can be a leader, a father figure, a strong person.
     

Share This Page