SRS Today My Mom Gave Me $2,000

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mugwump, Apr 25, 2005.

  1. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    Spring 2002:

    Wanted to kill myself. Told her she can never treat me like that again. Having broken up with my girlfriend due to long distance, I told my mom she can never hold that kind of anger against me over things that were so trivial when she was the only person at the time that I could talk to about my depression and isolation. She rushed out of work to pick me up from college. I made her promise she'd never do it again.



    Summer 2003:

    Moved home to get my life in order. Paying about 200 a month in rent.



    Fall 2003:

    Living together again after 4 years. Rocky, but fixed.



    November 2004:

    Her 50th birthday. Surprise party for her, planned by me. Most of my nearby relatives meet up at grandma's and we surprise her good. So good she cries and hugs my stepdad, who brought her there. Then she finds out it was me who organized it. She turns to me at the table and says, "And we all sell Jeff so short sometimes." This cripples me internally. I bring it up later and she stands behind it. Rocky.



    December 2004:

    She decides to become angry at me over sleeping in one morning. She's never been this angry at me in a long time. I get a job that day from an employer I'm very excited about. I tell her, "mom I got the job." Her response, "Good" in a bitter tone of voice. This is how she handles anger; this and silent treatments and slamming things. I turn to her and say, "Thanks for congratulating me." This will be the last thing I say to her for at least a month. One week later I get let go from my assignment because my manager was 8 months pregnant, a lesbian, and hormonal. Very bad timing. I needed the money. The next weeks are hell.



    January 2005

    Yelling. She's trying to get to me by yelling to my stepdad about me in another room. I put the pillow over my ears as I go to bed early. I can't wait to move out. I have to wait for my 3rd temp assignment to pull thru before I do. This will be an indication that my agency will keep me with reliable, consistent work, thus letting me support myself on my own.



    February 2005

    She's trying to get me to talk to her, but no matter what progress she makes, I wake up every day feeling the same way I did in December. Second assignment is almost complete, then I'll be eligible for a third assignment and can then move.



    March 2005

    Housesitting for a week, so we go out to dinner before they leave. I talk with her a bit. Conversation starts to trainwreck, but we're okay.



    April 2005

    Assignment completed. I start a new one in a week. Making 2 dollars more an hour than the previous. This is good progress and I start apartment hunting. I find an awesome location near the lakes for a quite steep price and take it. I know I very well may go in debt from just the cost of living, but I have to get out of here. We're talking now. But I don't bring up personal things, just necessary things. I start making preparations to move and saying that I may need to borrow some money to make the initial deposit. It's funny, I never really unpacked anything. Most of what I had at my previous apartment is still in boxes. I never felt comfortable here. I didn't want to stay for too long, but my career never went anywhere and two years came and went.



    Sunday, April 24, 2005

    I move in a week. Grabbing boxes from downstairs that I never unpacked. After feeling a swell of loneliness and isolation on Friday and Saturday just from simply commuting to my new job from Bumfuck MN (where they live) and not having a decent relationship in awhile, I'm moody and unresponsive for two days. I'm getting antsy. I tell her I'll need $300 to make deposit and then some. She tells me she was gonna wait but gives me this envelope. It's thick. I open it and find 20 hundred dollar bills and this note:

    "This is some of the rent you have paid to help you get started. You can do whatever you want. Sometimes it's nice to have something to show for it. Or you can start a savings plan at TCF. Love, Mom."

    I turn to her and say this is too much. She tells me that she wonders if I can't take it because I could very well stop hating her now and maybe I don't want to. I tell her I'll start taking 10% out of each paycheck and invest again, and that I have to go now to a meeting at this church where my cousin is getting confirmed and say thank you. She says you're welcome. That's the last thing I said to her today.



    I can never forgive her for how she has treated me in the past. These last months have been hell, over the most trivial shit. But I made it clear that I will not forgive and forget anymore. She's like a little baby sometimes, holding it all in. I wanted to teach her a lesson that she can't do this to loved one. It's all over now. We've moved on, in some ways. But these last months have changed me. I'm very quiet and guarded with her now. I'm sure she regrets acting the way she did in December. I don't care though. I don't really care about anything between us, actually. I don't know how to take that either... She made me happy today though.
     
  2. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    That's rough, bro. It's awesome that you're trying to get your life on track though.

    Keep one thing in mind though. Parents are just people too. A lot of us, myself included, tend to think of them as these pictures of stability, just because they're our parents and we've been so reliant on them all our lives. Most parents can get through raising their kids being stable, logical and caring people. I'm grateful mine were. However, every kid eventually realizes, usually when they're around our age and they move out for a while, that maybe these expectations that we've held our parents to are somewhat unrealistic. I know that I've had a couple moments in the past couple years where I saw my parents for the first time as just other adults, rather than the people who took care of me all my life, and it was really weird for me.

    Now, I'm not saying that your mom's just being a normal person, because from the way you've described her, she sounds like she has some severe control issues when it comes to you (referring to the comments about Dec. 04). You're right in that she's being unfair to you by being so irrational sometimes. You sound like you've been pretty patient and that's great. I say, just keep doing what you're doing and know that you're being the bigger person in all this.

    Pick and choose your battles carefully, and just make sure you don't do or say anything you're going to regret. If she was a good mom to you, it'd be cool to return the favor, even if she's acting like a nutjob. Some people have different ways of apogizing and making amends. The 2 grand is obviously her way of trying to say that she cares, or at very least feels bad. Money isn't as good as words but it's a start, and it sounds like it couldn't have come at a better time for you.

    Just my two cents. :)
     
  3. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Sounds like you and your mom can have a decent relationship, if you aren't in her home. Have dinner once in a while, etc. Sounds like your issues came from being unable to occupy the same space with her as an adult, because you're no longer compatible like that, and not neccessarily from her being an evil cunt.
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Things with my mom weren't that bad, but we did butt heads once in a while over the whole 'what are you going to do with your life' issue. I found that once I moved out and stayed out (never gone back), our relationship has been much better. Hopefully that's the case for you. And good for you for not putting up with her BS.
     
  5. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    In these cases, when I have such apathy, indifference and ill-will towards someone I used to care about so much, who wronged me, I don't speak to them for a year. It's an inner clock that closes everything off from them, until that much time passes and I'm over it. I don't know why, but a year is the magic number, and it takes an awful lot of shit for that to happen to me. In any case, a year will be her birthday. Maybe then I'll have moved on completely, but it's just so hard.

    I honestly cannot will myself to open up to her anymore, and it's not just because of last Winter. There's more to it, like this overall sarcasm and indifference of her own towards me, like when I open up, she passes it off and doesn't care, so why bother... I haven't touched her or given her a hug since November. And I don't care.

    Thanks for the support.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The unability to forgive leads to a status of 'hell' for you. The issue cannot be given closure if you are unable to forgive her.

    - The Ripple Effect -

    What we say do, effects everyone with far more impact then we imagined. If we consider a pond, in which thrown a pond which ripple effect touches the entire water surface, we have to consider that when we throw darkness and hatred in this pond, it will negativly effect everyone else and those who are effected will spread their hatred upon others again. Therefore you only have to put love and light into the relationship you have between you and your mother. You can only fight hatred with love, every time you or your mother give another spin to that wheel of hatred as a reaction on the other ,then the bitterness and hatred between you two will never stop. Therefore refuse to put hatred in the situation, and only give her love and light, help her out at the things that she does. Say a nice word, actually any small act of love is appreciated. Help her with the dishes,send a nice letter, giving her a hug. Anything will do. She loves you you know that, and maby you don't know it but she really wants the best for you. But she just has quite a inability in her ways of expressing that.

    All the things that you posted about her, are easily forgivable, if you will allow yourself to forgive her, or pray that you will be able to forgive her is already a very important step into healing. She has constantly put darkness, and hate into your life. Only loving her can change that by swimming against the current of hatred that she gives to you, by expression your love for her.
     
  7. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    I'd done this so much, and all it leads to is more hurt in the future. I'm sick of it. I made her promise she wouldn't get like this 3 years ago, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. So fuck it.

    If she was my wife instead of my mom, I'd file for divorce.
     
  8. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    Mugwump, Your mother didn't communicate too well. Still, behind her bad behavior she wanted the best for you. Perhaps someday you'll have children and I wounder how they will regard you. Life has many twists and turns. Regardless of how things appear, honor your mother.
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    It's really hard to forgive someone you were once close to. I have a really hard time forgiving my dad for the past. He has more than made up for it as he's done a lot for me in the past 5 years. So this is really more a character flaw in myself than anything. It's not him I need to forgive, it's myself, and for some reason, I can't do this.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    People aren't perfect you aren't either, we are all here to learn things. And effort must be made, to create a as much tolerable loving enviroment for everyone as possible. We must teach this kind of caring love and help to eachother, so we can live happy lives with those we care about.

    Im not saying its easy either, but you could try to set a positive tone, and put some love and light in your moms life. I know you may have given up on her already. But if in occassion you might meet her again, show this small act of love to her, you might be suprised.
     
  11. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    We finished moving into my new apartment on Sunday. My parents were very helpful. I gave her a nice, long hug as they were leaving. It's the first time I've touched her in months.
     

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