to continue or cut the chase?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by who?, Aug 5, 2005.

  1. who?

    who? Guest

    relating to a previous post i made a week ago, i asked a girl out and have been rejected..

    But the thing is, since then, i have not been able to sleep at night, i keep thinking about her. It's mostly due to the fact that we have had so much fun together the past year before i asked her out officially, and everyone around us can see us two together, so when she said 'no', it was kind of a shock to me.

    I like this girl alot... she probably doesnt even realise the things i do for her, just too much to list. But on the other hand, she hasnt given much back except "thank you's", and the more i give, the more she expects... im being whipped even when i'm not her boyfriend.

    A few close friends i have who i can actually talk about relationships with have both told me to forget her... why am i even doing all this for her when we are just friends? That's true, but something about this girl makes me keep going back to her, i cant let her go...

    So I was just wondering if i should try for a 2nd shot, or just forget it and move on?
     
  2. who?

    who? Guest

    oh, actually i want to also know if girls purposely reject you to make you try harder for them?
    or purposely rejects a guy just to stir things up, since everyone was expecting us to be couples, but not anymore?

    Girl's opinions for this 2nd post would be more appreciated :x:
     
  3. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    You're fucked for life :Owned:
     
  4. who?

    who? Guest

    ^ yes i got majorly owned....
    i guess in your terms, should i just leave it at that? that i got owned?
    or should i try to redeem myself, with a possibility of getting owned again?
     
  5. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    i thing ure just hung up maybe because u feel u became attached, and i think maybe u thought it was a certain yes. Maybe speak about it to her, ask why. I certainly wouldnt ask again before u speak to her..
     
  6. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    no is no, and I dont think many girls like being asked repetitively after already saying no. She knows how you feel, if she really wanted you, she would let you know.
     
  7. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    if he finds out why he was rejected though then maybe he can deal with it a little better.

    :werd: with the repetitiveness though
     
  8. okita1

    okita1 Great spirits have always encountered violent oppo

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    we all want what we cant have
    leave it and find someone that will appreciate the things you do for her

    EDIT: just cause you got rejected doesnt mean you got owned. everyone gets rejected at some point, its not a bad thing, just move on
     
  9. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    I am a girl ;) We don't say no to make you chase harder, or at least I don't. If she was really into you she would have said yes in the first place, now that she said no it is in her court to come to you if she changes her mind (we do that a lot.) Still be her friend, but stop bending over backwards for her. If she comes around she comes around, if she doesn't she doesn't. No biggs, there will always be more :)
     
  10. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd: tho not too many girls would throw a guy like you out the window. she'll probably realize what she's missing out on, and come back. will she want to date you? who knows...

    still be a friend, but i wouldn't go above and beyond like you did in the past.
     
  11. kuno

    kuno .... OT Supporter

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    There's a thing me and my friends call the "Mike Factor" ( obviously after one of our friends ). Leave her be! Like chica&buddies said, if she want's you she will come back to you, it could be soon or could be a month or more. Don't make it seem like such a big deal to her and for christ sake stop taking it up the ass for free!!!
     
  12. who?

    who? Guest

    ^ it was hard not to though....
    i would call her out for lunch, then next thing you know, she would ask me to pick up her friend from work, or drive her to buy groceries...
    she's smart when it comes to these things.... and it left me with these options: either say fuck it and go home, or do it just to be with her a little longer

    for some reason i could never make myself say fuck it and go home...
     
  13. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Yeah I know the feeling. It's almost like being with her is worth it or you hope that she'll one day appreciate how thoughtful and considerate you are. But what truly is going on in her mind is she's lost respect for you.

    Before you drop her completely, you need to get your dignity back. The next time she tries something like that just tell her no that you'd rather spend time alone with her or you really don't feel like running errands with her. Tell her that you simply don't have enough time to do these other things, that you'd like to have lunch with her, and if she can't do it then you'll just go out to lunch with someone else.

    My friend used to pull this shit with me and then I put my foot down. What bugged me the most was when she'd answer her cell phone during our lunch. So whenever that happened, I'd make her pay. She hasn't done it since. :mamoru:
     
  14. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    I just had this situation with one of my best friends in the whole world. I recognize all the things he has ever done for me... and I completely appreciate all of it. I love him to death... he is an amazing wonderful guy and he would be/is so good to me. It's just at, at least this point in my life, I don't feel that way about him. That doesn't mean he's not attractive. That also does not mean that it will never happen. It just means that I'm not in a place in my life where I'm willing to risk our relationship. My feelings aren't strong enough in that way for him, therefore, I'm not willing to go there.

    I'm still figuring myself out at this point. I went through a divorce recently. This is not a person I have any desire to hurt at all. Granted I know how it feels to be rejected but it wouldn't be fair to either of us to give it a chance if my heart wasn't in it either.

    The girl said no hun. I would try to digest that and give yourself some space from her until you can deal with just being friends. She knows you care. If she wants to take it further she will make that move but continuing will only push her away. Be glad she was honest with you and didn't bullshit around. It is SO hard to do to reject someone when you really care about them. (I actually cried a few times :( ) Don't think that it is easy at all.

    I think you are definately over doing it though. Primarily at this point i would say you need to try and get over her. Give yourself SPACE. If you think you can handle getting over her and still seeing her on occassion fine.

    It's ok to hang out but don't pay for her meals anymore. Pick her up. Be a friend, but don't chauffer her friends around anymore. Basically look at it this way... don't go out of your way for her anymore than you would for any of your male friends. I would never expect someone in your situation to do those kind of things. Be a friend but don't allow her to use you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2005
  15. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Stop being whipped. Try and pretty much ignore her imo, if she wants you she'll come after you, if not move on and stop being someones lap dog. Find another girl, jealousy can do great things lol.
     
  16. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    as everyone eles has mentioned...don't pursue it but stay neutral. if she wants it, she'll let you know.
     
  17. NJGuy

    NJGuy "Fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmef uckmefuckmefuckmefuckm OT Supporter

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    I didnt read this whole thread...
    But from what I did read it sounds like your being used or your obsesing unhealthily over this girl.... or BOTH.

    You need to remove yourself from that situation.
    Id stay away from her for a couple months at least.
    Keep her at a far distance.
     
  18. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    forget her
     
  19. who?

    who? Guest

    Exactly what i did tonight.... put the foot down..
    Told them i feel like shit sometimes with her and her friends because of the way they make me do things for them and barely receiving any recognition for it.
    They said they do realise what i do for them, but since im willing to hang out with them, it would mean driving them to a bunch of different places, or runnning her errands would be a part of it.
    I didnt straight out say it, but obviously back then i did all this because I was trying to get her.. im kind of giving less of a shit now since she's said no to dating me.
    What i really want to say to her, but might totally end our relationship as friends, is that I COULD stay around and help her do this and that, but when she finds the guy she likes, i'll just be tossed to the side with absolutely nothing gained from all this.

    sorry if any of the above doesnt make sense, or there's typos, im typing this at 3am and im tired as hell
     
  20. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    You should never give a woman anything in attempt to gain her attention. I dont think people should give anything to each other (unless it is their birthday or something) because it tends to confuse the real reasons why people wish to be together. There should be no fiscal expectations in the beginning of a relationship, so why cloud it when it is already cloudy enough? If someone wants to be with you because you give them things than it will not work out in the long term. If they accept your gifts and then do not reciprocate, you're out of not only cash, but effort with a gain of heartache. Save your money and invest in something that pays you back: a ROTH IRA.
     
  21. tamiyaDrifter

    tamiyaDrifter Lurker

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    I have something similar happening, except I never really had an intention to date the girl. I was sort of friends with her but was never really. What really pisses me off though, is when they say they would do this and that, but the only time they ever make contact with you, is to ask you to do something for them. This girl just wants me to drive her everywhere, like to go to the pub or to go clubbing, and I get jack shit all in return.
     
  22. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    Do not give her anything. Not until she has earned it.
     
  23. who?

    who? Guest

    ^^
    god damn, pinpointed my whole situation.... at least 90% correct.
    A few times we went out, i purposely said close to nothing the whole time, jsut to see their reaction, and not surprisingly, they just chatted about their own stuff, with the occasional "why you so quiet?"
    Just pissed me off so bad that by the end of the day i might have said 5 sentences to them and they just went on thinking i had just as much fun as they did.

    and to the ^^^ post above me, what is ROTH IRA
    ??
     
  24. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    What is it that keeps you wanting this girl? How much time do you spend doing things without third parties? I'm failing to see where even your "friendship" is worth much. It looks as though she may just be using you. Are you just infatuated with a pretty girl... or is there actually substance there? Is there anything there that makes you feel as though she genuinely cares about you other than what you can do for her? What is it that makes her so special?
     
  25. who?

    who? Guest

    ^
    after i came out and told her straight up how i felt, she tried to tell me she wasnt using me, and after listening, it kind of made me think that i brought some of it onto myself by being too nice, but it still didnt change the fact that i was playing into the plans they make and such.

    And i have done tonssss of thinking at night, i just cant sleep anymore wihtout thinking of this girl. Ive asked myself "why am i her friend?" "what makes me go back to her?" and the answer i came up with in my mind is that i cant explain what makes me want and go back to her. It sounds cliche and dumb, but i feel like king of the world with her. I feel total confidence when i''m with her. I'll make myself look stupid to get a laugh from her, i can do anything i want, say what i like, we get along so well, and there's just something about her that's so hard for me to let go.

    So for alll of you that told me to just cut it off with this girl, i find it really hard. I was thinking maybe 1 last talk with her, tell basically everything ive said here, see what she feels, then end it. Fall semester of school is starting soon, im really hoping it will help me forget her, if cutting it off is really my decision.
     

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