Hey there fellow asylummers. Don't know if thats a word or not but im gonna stick with it. I came across an observation of mine as far as relationships go, and would like to share it, as I'm thinkin some might benefit from it, some might not. But whatever, I didnt force ya to read this So. To all of you searching for the perfect person, give up. Because there is no such thing as the perfect person. OMG! Just to ask of someone or think of someone as a perfect person is already a selfish trait, as this sets a high standard for that person to meet or possibly exceed for your expectations. So when that person falls below that expectation, or not meet what you would like, you think theres something wrong with your relationship, and this is where fights ensue. However this is not the case. Alot of times, in the beginnings of relationships.. the first to third years (yes thats only the beginning) of a relationship, you always *think* you found your soulmate, the one, the perfect person. However what you don't realize, is that both sides, are fronting or trying hard to BE that perfect person for the other out of being "in-love". What happens next, is over time, you both grow out of the whole pretending thing, and become your normal self. The mask comes off, you stop doing all the courtship type things, and you feel as if you have grown apart. SURPRISE! You haven't grown apart, you've become real, who you really are. And sometimes your real self will bond perfectly with the other real person, and sometimes you won't. Does that make sense? You always hear the phrase "i wish we could go back to how it was in the beginning"... I see it here all the time in the asylum/vaginatarium. Haha! Go back to the beginning? To when both of you weren't yourselves? Come on now, thats impossible, because now you both see who each other really are, so you either learn to love it, or you don't. Neither side is wrong, it just happens. It's normal. The longer you stretch on hiding your real self, the more your lying to yourself and the person you love. You should have the person you love, love you for who you really are, not who you claim to be. Thats the only time a relationship will flourish. Relationships should be out of wants from both ends, not needs. When one side or the other gets too needy, too clingy, too attached, it makes the other side feel trapped, suffocated... I've heard before, that a healthy relationship should be two independant lives, being together. You are responsible for making yourself happy, don't put that job on your SO's back. That pretty much sums it up. So the next time you think its the end of the world when you have relationship problems, take a step back, and look at the situation with a different perspective, that maybe, JUST MAYBE, the perfect person you always have dreamed about is standing right in front of your face, and you don't even know it.