SRS Tired of AA

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 88 Notch, Aug 23, 2007.

  1. 88 Notch

    88 Notch New Member

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    I'm about 8.5 years sober and lately when I go to a meeting it seems like an eternity to sit there for an hour or an hour and a half. For the first 6 years my home group was very important to me and was very active in service. Since then something has changed and I have started to wonder if meetings are really necessary for sobriety at this point. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful that I don't have to live the way I used to, but it seems like every meeting it's different people saying the same things and it bores me to the point where I don't even want to be there anymore.
    Sorry if this sounds negative, delete if you want.
     
  2. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    no one says you actually have to go. youve gone for almost 9 years, if you think you're ready to go at it alone go for it i guess...
     
  3. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    Wrong and wrong.

    One of the first things someone says after a relapse is, "I stopped going to meetings".

    Try different meetings. To me it makes the difference between being dry and sobriety.
     
  4. pulp priest

    pulp priest we're here! we're queer! we don't want any more be

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    i've had similar trouble and i haven't been going for anywhere near 9 years.
    i'd say you can do fewer meetings, although i'd maintain a commitment at one you like, with people who you consider friends. i'm sure after 9 years you have at least one such meeting.
    also i find that speaking up during meetings improves my personal enjoyment of them. it just kicks my brain up a notch, you know? makes it seem a bit less boring because it gets me thinking about my own life and what i can talk about. the problem is i can usually psych myself out of speaking up by asking myself what these strangers care about my life, but there's something amazingly therapeutic about that, talking to people who you don't know but who commiserate. so even if i feel like i have nothing at all to say, i try to get in my 15 seconds worth at every meeting, and i find it helps.
     
  5. wayne and zeus

    wayne and zeus oh it will, won't it

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    Try a meeting outside of your area.
     
  6. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    i've been there

    meetings are not required to stay sober, but it can help with the sanity issues. i do 3-4 meeting a month now, 8 yrs clean, and have a home group and sponsor. But i rarely go to the meeting for my own benefit, and sometimes it does feel like a chore...

    ...and sometimes a newcomer will come to me and ask me how to stay clean after a meeting :) just like i did 8 years ago

    someone has to carry the flag.
     
  7. 88 Notch

    88 Notch New Member

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    Thanks for your responses. I did go to a different meeting tonight, was pretty good. Plenty of newcomers there so that always adds some energy to a group IMO.
     
  8. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    and sometimes they tend to do alot of wierd crap too
     
  9. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Here's the thing, you don't have to go to meetings to stay sober....in fact, it's possible to no go to meetings and still be as healthy as when you were going. Look back to when the founders got started, they didn't have meetings every week but they were actively working with newcomers which helped them stay sober. The common theme among relapsers is that they stopped going to meetings.

    It's totally possible to not go to meetings and still be sober. I know...I've taken many breaks from AA and I can totally relate to where you are with AA. When I get bored with AA, I try to seek out newcomers, I go to different meetings and different types of meetings. I also try to find some AAs to hang out with....sometimes what I'm feeling isn't boredom it's loneliness and I need a friend to talk to. Other times, I just need a break.

    Keep in mind that you take your higher power with you wherever you go and it's your HP that got you sober.

    However, it has been my experience that the easier, softer way is to go to meetings on a regular basis.
     
  10. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    not trying to cause trouble or anything

    but isnt that higher power bullshit kind of like a cult.

    suppose you dont believe in that shit, is aa still for you?
     
  11. selfpollution

    selfpollution New Member

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    I don't believe in that stuff and that is probably why I only lasted a very short while in AA. If you aren't christian you will find it very difficult to fit in in AA and will definitely have a hard time swallowing their philosophy and views.
    I had to go it alone and I am fortunate that it worked out ok and I am sober now. It must be hard for people who are still struggling with addiction and are athiests. There are proobably a lot of people who turn to drugs because of religions negative impact on their childhoods. I wonder where they go for help.
    Although, statistically there is a much higher success rate for alcoholics who receive no treatment at all than those who attend meetings.
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    lol

    I used to think AA was a cult also but it's entirely different than a cult. In a cult, you usually worship one person as "God on Earth" and everyone who is a member must believe the same or they are not accepted in the cult.

    In AA, you can choose your own concept of a higher power. Many people use the group as their Higher Power because from an individual perspective, the group as a whole, is a power greater than the individual.

    Now....if you don't like the group as a Higher Power, choose a different HP....one that you can understand and identify with. Here's the cool thing about AA, you can have your own concept of a HP and I can have mine. Our ideas about the HP can be radically different and we can both get and stay sober in AA. I don't have to change you and I don't have to let you change me.....we can live and let live and not change our concepts of our HP at all. That to me is real freedom.

    A HP is simply a power greater than myself that can help me solve my drinking problem.

    If you don't believe any of that shit, YES!!! AA is still for you. There is a whole chapter in what we call the "Big Book" of AA that's titled "We Agnostics". I've had some people try to change my mind over the years but not many at all. Hell, in the steps it says, "God...as we understand him" and when I bring that up, they usually accept what I'm saying and we go on to just enjoy being sober for another day.

    So don't sweat the HP stuff. Always remember, you can choose your own concept AND choosing NOT to believe is still choosing a belief....so it's totally OK.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2007
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Unfortunately you don't sound like you had many choices in meetings. Meetings and groups can be very different. I've been to meetings where there was an over emphasis on the Christian God and I'm usually the one to speak up and say things like I did in my previous post.

    It's too back that you weren't able to work through these issues in AA but AA is capable of handling your beliefs.....even if those are angry agnosticism (not that I think you are). It's real easy to quiet down the AAs that seem to want to change AA into the next greatest church....you simply point to the steps and where it says, "...as we understood him." then remind them that you personally are included in that. Their beliefs are not more important that yours.

    The thing you miss by going alone....the fellowship. I've made some really great friends in AA. Friends that understand just how fucked up of a disease this really is. Friends that I can call when I'm feeling down or need help. Hell when my house was recently broken into, I called a friend in AA and he came running and helped me repair my door so my house wasn't wide open over night. The friendships I have made there are unlike any others and I wouldn't trade them for all the money in the world.
    I've never heard of such statistics. In fact, I've heard just the opposite. That people that attend regular meetings have a MUCH higher success rate.

    Do you have facts to support your claim?? If so, please provide the sources.
     
  14. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    A "cult"? Is the Democratic or Republican party a "cult"?
    Wikipedia/Cult:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult

    ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.
    More of the preamble:http://www.serenityfound.org/preamble.html

    What I found in AA was the same as what I found in bars, people just like me.

    I can't prove to you of a higher power anymore than you can prove to me that there isn't. All I can say is that after I cried out "God help me", a chain of events began that produced a quality of life better than I could have ever imagined or planned.
     
  15. 88 Notch

    88 Notch New Member

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    I will admit there's things I don't like about AA but it did work for me when I was completely hopeless and could not stop drinking. There's some people there who I think are way too judgemental (example: if you aren't doing it like they did you will get drunk). But what AA really says is you can believe whatever works for you. AA also says that if you can do it on your own, thats great. But if you need help, the doors are always open.
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    AA also says "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has throughly followed our path."

    But you are correct...you will always be welcome even if you need to try it on your own for a period of time. If you are able to quit drinking on your own....great....more power to you.

    The reason so many AAs are "judgemental" or strict is because most alcoholics when they get to AA honestly think that their minds are not fucked up by drinking. It's one of the peculiar twists of alcoholism that's different than other diseases.....it's that our minds will tell us that the alcohol is NOT the problem, it's all that other shit that's fucking me up.

    Not only that but we've heard every excuse under the sun. Most drunks think they are soo unique. It's only after you've been in AA for awhile that you realize just how many people have done the same shit and many have done worse. But an active drunk either doesn't believe this or doesn't know this or both.

    I'm a hard headed alcoholic and I needed other strong minded people to get through to me. I honestly thought it was my job or my g/f or whatever that made me drink. I really didn't think I was an alcoholic when I got to AA. I've since discovered that I was a middle to late stage alcoholic and that's pretty scary for me because I didn't think I was.
     
  17. 88 Notch

    88 Notch New Member

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    Well after 8 years in AA I think I'm qualified to say that some people in the rooms are judgemental because they think their way is the only way. I have heard hardline AA's say for example that if you take anti-depressants you aren't sober. Shit, I've heard people say if you drink coffee or smoke cigarettes than you are still an addict, thus not sober. Any jackass with a few years can spout an opinion, that doesn't make it valid. Now if he was to say "this is what worked for me" that's a different story. But this "you must" attitude some people get is all about ego, IMO.
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Right, I don't disagree, but if you've been around for 8 years then you know that AA has no opinion on outside issues. Aspirin, anti-depressants and cigs ARE outside issues. Certainly a person may have an opinion about those things but that's why I don't go to those people for help with my alcoholism. I go to people in the program that are able to keep their egos out of the process and have a very good grasp of the fundamentals.

    Anyone who shouts "you must" has forgotten that the entire program of AA is suggestions. We're a program of attraction rather than promotion.

    And keep in mind that people in the rooms are sick also and they can get off track just like anyone can. That's why IMO it's important to go to many meetings and meetings in different clubhouses/group houses so that one can get exposed to as many people in recovery as they can. Hopefully they'll find someone who can help them.
     
  19. anomaly

    anomaly If you weren't around for the original HA.net spli

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    I heard a gentleman with 61 years sober say on Friday night

    'The way it has worked for me and countless others is by not drinking, going to meetings regularly, working with a sponsor, working the steps and working with another alcoholic.'

    If you think you can do it alone, by all means go do it. I've been around 8 or 9 years at this point and seen countless people try and do it, myself included. I have not met someone yet who was successful at staying SOBER without a meeting. I've known people to go months without going to one, but they were dry angry drunks.
     
  20. anomaly

    anomaly If you weren't around for the original HA.net spli

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    That being said, try new meetings. I have gone through several phases of sobriety where I was bored where I was at but had the ability to change which meetings I go to and found it did a ton of good. If you aren't feeling connected though, it's because YOU aren't connecting in and it's likely that where ever you go there you will be .
     
  21. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    i concur with this advice
     
  22. Rolledsho

    Rolledsho New Member

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    You say you don't go there for yourself but going and helping the newbs is part of what is helping you stay sober
     
  23. blackrockbrig

    blackrockbrig OT Supporter

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    i'm an active member of al-anon and i can relate to the feeling of boredom that can sneak up on you after some time in a program. try out an al-anon meeting to see how the other half lives. i'm always given renewed perspective and motivation when i cross over for a visit to an AA meeting.
     
  24. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    i mean i go to listen, i dont need immediate help, you are correct long term
     
  25. bovine

    bovine New Member

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    Bullshit. The relapse rate for AA is the same as the population at large. If he doesn't think he needs AA, then he knows best.
     

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