I'm really tired of feeling like shit. I don't know how to emotionally move on. I have a halloween party yesterday and most of the night i thought about how my ex always wanted to be around me and my friends. I think about her all the time still, i really don't think about her when i'm working out or at school. The life i'm living now is the way she wanted me to live when i was with her. and i finally changed after the breakup. i love my post-breakup life now, i have a awesome supporting cast of friends, ambition in life, and goals i work hard to achieve, but i think that this wouldn't be possible without her. By all means i should be dead or in jail. Its really hard not to think about her. she saved my life and sometimes i feel lost without her. I hate myself for still being in love with her. I hate her for emotionally hurting me. But I love her for what she's done to help me in my life. I feel like returning to my bad boy/gangster roots once in a while, but i know thats not what i want anymore, but it used to make me happy when i didn't have her in my life and keeps my mind busy. if i told her this, i don't know what she would say, either "whatever makes you happy" or "you haven't changed since we broke up" I don't know what to do.