SRS Tired and burned-out.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deusexaethera, Dec 4, 2009.

  1. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Some people get sad or irritable when they get chemically-depressed; I get sleepy. My understanding is there are three main cortical-activity regulators in the brain: dopamine (mood), seretonin (focus), and norepinephrine (energy). My dad has a mild deficiency in the first two; I think I have a mild deficiency in the third. When I get like this, I just want to sleep forever even though I'm not physically tired. I don't get psychosomatic pain, though, just lack of motivation to care about anything I normally care about.

    It's probably partly seasonal, though I don't usually seem to be affected by the decrease in sunlight in the winter like a lot of people do. (it's interesting, though, that there's a span of about two weeks each fall in which I seem to gain the ability to annoy the fuck out of almost everyone without even meaning to, and I haven't figured out yet if it's me or them.) This Thanksgiving was more stressful in some ways and much less stressful in other ways than past holidays have been -- I spent it with my dad and his girlfriend at her second home in Upstate NY, cooking and fixing old wiring and shooting the breeze with any of the 14 other people who came for Thanksgiving dinner, but I also knew my brother was spending his vacation with my mom and her asshole brother who constantly insults and degrades people so he can control them, and I knew he was having a crappy time. I didn't like not spending time with him, but he actually told me to go have a good time so at least one of us would, so I did. Still kinda felt bad though.

    I feel mentally exhausted, which is strange for this time of year; usually I don't get winter blues until after the new year, when all of the fun holidays are out of the way. But this year, I just don't want to have to pay attention to anything, and holidays are not conducive to that.

    I don't know where I'm going with this, just talking I guess. I'm not overwhelmed, just tired and disinterested in...well, everything...at the moment. Blah.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Well, there are a few mood influences which you can't do much about like 'the weather,however there are some you can influence like eating healthy food definitly is a mood effector, after eating crappy junk food the day after i would feel like dirt. Removing bad people and bad situations out of your life will also make you more happy. But there is this moment where you can end in a possible point where you stand still in your life you see,

    life Is more of a test to challenge your abilities... set a goal and see if you can achieve it. Enjoy and have fun mainly in the constructive things you do. Set challenges for yourself and test your limits. It might even relax you.

    When the moment comes that you are absolutely bored by life around you, and you find yourself wasting your time on trivial things, THAT is the moment when you need to find yourself a new challenge in life, a new study perhaps?

    Maby you are in need of a more physical thrill, you may want to go skydiving. What i want to say is that at some point when life doesn't seem to have much to offer, you need to set a challenge for yourself on a more difficult level to entertain yourself and to grow as a person.

    I have to say tho that most depressed people feel worse when the hollidays come, this is because people don't like change, they like steadyness for their mental health. Abstract changes like santa claus, going visit all of the family all of a sudden just because its christmas , will set a lot of brains going haywire. Its something you see especially in autistic children. People want to have a clear view on whats going on.
     
  3. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Well, I'm definitely a methodical person and I like things to be organized, but I do enjoy a little chaos as evidenced by the barely-contained (and definitely un-coordinated) mayhem over Thanksgiving. The big problem with my social life is I suck at coming up with things to do and I always have, and when I was a kid and I wanted to go somewhere for fun, my mom would tell me not to rely on other people for my entertainment -- which is pretty much the opposite of what people normally do, especially unimaginative people like me. I really don't care what I do for fun, I just want to do things with other people that they think are fun. You want to go to an art gallery? Okay. You want to sift through pebbles and pick out the shiniest ones? Okay. You want to sit and watch a movie? Okay. I literally do not care, but somehow that makes me a third wheel, I dunno.

    That being said, I'm not feeling especially lonely or lazy right now, I just don't care about anything and I don't want to have to pay attention to anything. I want to be able to put my life on autopilot for the next couple of months and come back afterwards to find things still running smoothly.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Oh god its your mother again and the so maniest trauma that she gave you,

    Let me give you some advice 'don't listen to your mother', she definitly says exactly the opposite of what you should be doing. Its ok to have independence, but for socializing you'll be co-dependant to some extend.
     
  5. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I don't listen to her anymore -- it was the stuff she taught me when I was little that's become second-nature by now that's causing problems.

    Anyway, I have a new theory -- I'm going through withdrawals from being able to observe (one of) my parents in well-functioning relationship. My dad's girlfriend was visiting tonight to decorate the tree and to watch some old movie named Holiday Inn, and...I dunno. I felt fine again, like nothing was wrong. There were a couple of times when she laughed so hard she was crying about something or another, and it was actually fun to watch. My mom has laughed that hard before, of course, but it was never fun to watch because if there was one thing I could always count on, it's that things would go to shit with absolutely no warning, so even when things seemed relaxed and pleasant I still had to be on-guard. I've seen my dad and his girlfriend fight, but it's not the same -- there's something about it that sends the message that it's only a passing storm, if you will, and things will be civil again soon enough. So anyway, they left for the evening and now I'm down again. I even told her as much as she was leaving, and she said she understood. My mom would just get angry at that sort of thing.

    I want a new childhood; mine is broken.
     

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