Tips on maintaining long-distance intimacy

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Aug 22, 2006.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I'll describe the situation and then pose the request. Any responses that do not relate to the request will be ignored.

    Relationship status: my gf of 7.5 months is now a freshman at a college 6 hours from mine. She and I are now seeing people, as opposed to being bf/gf. This redefinition means that in addition to whoever else, we also each happen to be seeing each other. The seriousness of the relationship has thus been lightened.

    Visits are logistically possible once in a while. Maybe once a month. Phone conversation is almost always logistically possible on a daily basis.

    Agreements:
    We are dating and hooking up with people in our particular colleges if so desired. Neither of us is obliged to "report back" to the other. Similarly, neither of us is forbidden to ask about current romantic or sexual interests - but neither of us is obliged to answer. We have a trip to Jamaica planned in January, which is about 4.5 months from now. Edit: Additionally, neither of us intends to seek a committed relationship in the next few months with other people, although the possibility is of course there.

    I want to be able to reconnect when that time comes. Does anyone have any tips on how to make this happen?

    Again, "dump that bitch," "it's doomed," "why spend energy on one person," and other similar responses will be ignored. If you wish to express yourself despite this fact then suit yourself.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2006
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    To add one I recall from a while ago in this forum:

    * Always end phone calls while they're going well
     
  3. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    honestly, just stay in tuch, communicate a lot. if it's an important relationship and important person to you, keep those lines of communication open. Send LETTERS AND CARDS TOO. it's a tangible ting that keeps you a little more connected.

    It's rare to see it work in the younger crowd. it's Hot heavy and emotional unless both parties are level headed about having an open relationship.

    so just keep talkign to each other and keep letting each other that you are somewhat significant to each other.
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    thank you
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    thinking out loud, things to avoid:

    - competing for play
    but also
    - not getting any
     
  6. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    I wouldn't be able to do it....at all...I just picturing my gf and I in that situation. We've done the whole distance thing...but as for your other stipulations. I just couldn't do it :hs:


    GL with it man....if that's what you guys want...then I hope it all works out. :)
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :hug: thanks
     
  8. drjamima

    drjamima Active Member

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    If the arrangement you have set up works out, then awesome man. But if it's going to work, then I would suggest letting it flow, and not trying to call her every other day, or trying to visit as often as you can. Make a few calls here and there, check up/see how she's doing and whatnot, but since you lightened up the seriousness of it, don't try to pressure her at all...if you do I'm thinking it would have the opposite effect.

    Is the Jamaica trip happening regardless?
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Well it will be me and somebody.
     
  10. drjamima

    drjamima Active Member

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    Well all the better, because if for some reason things don't work out, and you meet somebody, they'll be lucky enough to go to Jamaica with you.
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    assuming the name on a ticket can be changed... i should look into that :hsugh:
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    responding to the other comment, i will be careful not to be pushing for contact & visits, in that it should be mutual
     
  13. drjamima

    drjamima Active Member

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    :rofl:
     
  14. drjamima

    drjamima Active Member

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    I think you've definitely got a good chance of it reconnecting because you didn't just assume that having a long distance relationship would work, you put some thought into it
     
  15. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    She is now a friend with benefits. Treat her as such, not as a multiple long term relationship. Those are two completely different animals. No relationship stuff, just sex when you happen to be in the same town.
     
  16. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    dont do long distance, thats the best tip i can give you
     
  17. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Location:
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    Why not?

     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Is that a genuine response to this thread's request, or is it one of those ignorable posts I discussed above?
     
  19. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Serious. Think about it, long distance relationships are not maintainable, especially when she knows you are seeing other women. Keep the FWB frame as to not get too emo over the situation.

    FRIENDS with BENEFITS: Do you call your friends every night? No. You call them when you want something or just feel like hanging out. The idea is to not invest too much emotional energy into something that will likely not give any returns. Managing a LDR/mLTR is way too much work.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Willingness to work not lacking, post ignored I guess ... :hsugh:
     
  21. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    :bowdown:
     
  22. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    you are just looking for reasons to be emo :mamoru:
     
  23. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Cheap hotel rooms and freaky sex/play
     
  24. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    He's got a point. I think by your own admittance this is no longer a BF/GF thing.

    Can you reconnect after and take off where you left it? Sure I don't see why not but how would you predict that now? The best I would do is go with the flow and maintain any contact you can have -- while at the same time you both just assume you're seeing other people. Don't ask, don't tell.

    I suppose your goal is to just maintain your comfort with each other through your college years apart, but just recognizing that for now, the both of you are at best "friends with benefits". After college, if things fall in place again, good for you. We just all change a lot during college.
     
  25. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    Ignore him. Just focusing on sex is the best way to screw up the relationship. Even if you two find out that you're not going to be involved for the rest of your life, you can continue to be mature about it and realize that you LIKE each other and that is the basis of a friendship that might include sex or not. Never EVER underestimate the fulfillment that comes from a naked conversation with an incredible good and dear friend. It can't be beat. What this guy is talking about is fuck buddies.

    It sounds to me that you and your gf have a surprisingly mature relationship given your age and experience in life. Don't let other people who haven't gotten to that place yet tamper with it. Unfortunately, peer pressure and immature friends who think they are mature can submarine it (spoken from experience).

    I would also say, don't think so much. Relationships are a little like delicate flowers you have to cradle in your hands. If you hold on too hard, you crush it. You have to hold the relationship within firm boundaries.

    The thing about LDRs is that they don't necessarily last forever. I think it's probably a good thing to see other people. That way, you're allowing the relationship to be tested. If you come back together, then it's a CHOICE. Neither of you question that there might be someone else out there. What you may find is how much you LIKE being with your lady. And visa versa. You'll find that you have something to tell her that she'll understand and it's not quite right if you're telling someone else. Or you'll find that you can tell someone else, but you'll remain fond of your lady.

    The thing to remember about reconnecting though, is that you've already had a relationship. You've got mutual respect and you like this person. No one can take that away. No amount of distance can take that away. The trick is to realize you've got difference experiences and be willing to share and communicate those. As long as you both grow, and are interested in growing, you'll maintain a relationship in some manner.

    That's not necessarily bad advice. Though the way this forum uses fwb, I think greatly underestimates the seriousness that the relationship can have without the grand machinations of a spousal relationship. I get the sense that what you've got, JJJ, is much more mature and I would hate to have it wrecked by underestimating what a great thing it can be.

    *spoken from 4 cumilative years LDR plus butt loads of time on the road, over a 20 year period*
     

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