Tips on getting over first love?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by mestizo, Feb 28, 2005.

  1. mestizo

    mestizo New Member

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    3 year relationship... been OVER for nearly 6 months. I'm over the physical aspect of the relationship completely, but not the emotional attachment.

    I have not slept with anyone else and done not much else but made out since we broke up.

    I've...

    -deleted the numbers, email addies, AIM names
    -boxed up anything and everything of hers and thrown it deep into the closet
    -cant bring myself to delete pics of us off the computer... but i dont look at them

    I still find myself looking at her lj every now and then for the chance that she might update (she never does) and I can get a glimpse of whats going on in her life. I see her on campus maybe once a week or two. We nod at eachother and maybe exchange a few words as we walk by eachother.

    Relationship ended abruptly, I don't think it was truthfully what we both wanted, but I know shes moved on... and damnit, I'm having more trouble...

    I was not her first... she was mine :highschool:. Shes been in several long (6+mos) relationships... that was my first serious relationship

    I work 10hour bar shifts on the weekends, so even if I DID want to get over her... its hard to get out and meet people with vaginas... would an easy lay help? is this natural to feel like this after this long? :hs: thanks
     
  2. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    I think I once read somewhere that it may take up to half the period of the relationship to recover. So for you 18 months...
    Just to say that it is natural to feel that way.

    I was in a very similar situation. Ended up drinking and partying (drugs etc.) for a few months and finally put on anti depressants.
    6 months after, I'd hooked up with this other girl. So speaking from experience, rebounds are bad. You tend to make bad decisions when you're not ready.

    Try and meet people but take it easy.

    Good luck.
     
  3. PanicMouse

    PanicMouse Guest

    Eh my first love relationship lasted around 2 years and it has taken right around four years to really get over her. Hopefully you will have better luck than I did. Finding someone else who wasn't anything like her helped.
     
  4. NeedGTI'02

    NeedGTI'02 New Member

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    Only one thing, mate: time. I know it is hard, but you just have to be patient, and try to have a good attitude - things will only get better with time - don't go and look for an "easy lay", as you mentioned...at this point you will most likely regret it due to your feelings with your ex. All the best mate.
     
  5. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    i used to read my ex journel online as well. The best thing to do is slowly stop looking at it. After awhile it wont cross your mind much anymore. Hang out with friends and keep yourself busy.
     
  6. kuno

    kuno .... OT Supporter

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    I was in a 5 year relationship that broke up abrutply and messy. Involved my entire family and three of her family members. So it'll take me 2 1/2 years to recover emotionally then?

    I don't work your hours and it's still hard to find someone. However, all is not lost.

    Try to keep yourself busy and find another girl you could get emotionally attached too ( I say that loosely ). It's when you're sitting at home doing nothing that when you start to think.. your mind starts to meander and you start to think about the past. Don't let that happen :nono: that is the worst feeling ever.
     
  7. NeedGTI'02

    NeedGTI'02 New Member

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    I have to disagree with Kuno on this one - I would not get "emotionally attached" to another girl so quickly (I know you said it loosely, but...) I believe it is best to sort oneself mentally and emotionally (at least partly) before jumping into the next r'ship.
     
  8. kuno

    kuno .... OT Supporter

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    Allow me to clarify myself on this. What I meant was to find someone with similiar interests. Someone you could bond with at a platonic level. You don't have to but finding someone like that would help you get your mind off the ex. Maybe using the word "Attach" was too much but that was what I could think of at the moment. :wiggle:
     
  9. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    No.

     
  10. mestizo

    mestizo New Member

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    I appreciate the words. I'm surrounded by more than my fair share of female platonic companionship... its just hard to deal with not having that assurance that theres always someone there for you like we were for eachother.

    I don't think I'll ever fully get over her cause she was my first, but I don't want to sit around a dim room and lull over it for another 6 months.

    I'm trying to get out more and meet some new people and get some form of identity and self confidence back.
     
  11. bearsdidit

    bearsdidit OT Supporter

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    when i broke up with my first love, i worked a lot of over time and spent alot of time with my friends. getting drunk and being around friends help alot, however the feeling of lonliness at night doesn't go away for a while.
     
  12. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    Do you have any hobbies to throw yourself into?
    How about working out? .. just to redirect your energies....may also help build back the self onfidence.
     
  13. BlMMERGUY

    BlMMERGUY New Member

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    I AM SERIOUS WHEN I SAY ALL OF THIS: dont drown urself in hobbies or gay shit... dont sit there on your ass thinking you'll get better with time. the remidy is going out and giving other girls a chance. after all this time you forgot what its like to be single. She moved on because she is with someone else right now having a good time. you may not find someone that you want to date right away but the more girls you give a chance, the more likely you will find someone else and that plain and simple will flip your emotions. *dont compare your ex to the new girls* you will remember the good and not the bad and you will go back to square 1. all of the above does not mean dive into another relationship. simply scan your options and one, if not a couple will stand out more than others. if you act like an emotional wreck, no one will try to set u up or want to go out with you. you work at a bar! go out with coworkers cuz i know you have hot cocktailers there. they'll set you up with their hotter friends if you are worthy to them. i could say more but im just rambling... best of luck
     
  14. NeedGTI'02

    NeedGTI'02 New Member

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    Werd
     
  15. mestizo

    mestizo New Member

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    Yea... well I wanna start jogging with my pup more and working out, thats what I meant about self-confidence. Other than that, most of my focus is on school and work.
     
  16. Gonrad

    Gonrad OT Supporter

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    Here's the thing.

    No matter what you try to do to keep yourself preoccupied (work, friends, etc.), you will always find yourself alone for just a little moment. That's when the thoughts and feelings come back.

    Mine wasn't that long; 6-months. It took me a while to realize the things we had we could never have again. It wasn't much but it wasn't nothing either.

    Normally on the long drives to work I find myself feeling most alone. Usually i try and get music to take over my mind but at times it's just hard.

    Just give it time mate; things will clear up soon.
     

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