Tips for making a long distance relationship last?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Killswitch, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. Killswitch

    Killswitch New Member

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    Hey all, my girlfriend of 8 months or so has recently (just over 2 weeks) moved interstate for university and for now we're trying to maintain our relationship.

    She is a very physical girl and she feels that she needs contact as its such a habit for her. Things were smooth sailing until last week sometime when she was a bit down due to missing out on some uni stuff, went out with friends, drank a bit too much and ended up kissing some guy. Yeah, doesn't bode well after just 2 weeks, but we're sorting it out and she has realised she fucked up something hardcore so from now we'll see.

    She comes back in 2 weeks or so briefly so we'll take it from there but what I ask of the vag is...

    Some basic tips for maintaingin this, we have a healthy relationship apart from her spasmodic episodes of batshit crazyness but we've worked through them.

    We communicate really well, I just wish I could be there for her physically and sexually more so too. Any tips on accomplishing this, as well as general long distance relationship tips?


    Anything, even food for thought would be great.

    Thanks
     
  2. fray

    fray New Member

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    How long distance are you? How long will you be long distance? Most of my relationships were long distance while I was at school, most recently 3 hours away. (We now live together).

    We used to talk on the computer almost every night (nice because it doesn't require constant attention like the phone, plus who has enough to say to talk on the phone daily) and see each other every weekend. However, I do pretty well with no physical contact.

    The fact that your girlfried has cheated on you after just two weeks, and has proven to you that she is unable to control herself under the influence of alcohol, is not a good sign. Will she come around now that she's made this big mistake? Maybe. But she's already told you she requires physical contact. There is really nothing you can do about that unless you can drive down and see her midweek. When she goes out drinking with her friends again (which she will because she's not going to want to be left out), she's still going to feel sad when they are with guys getting their physical contact and I really don't think you can predict what she'll do.

    LDR work when both parties are trustworthy, loyal, and communicate. You have decide if you have that.
     
  3. Killswitch

    Killswitch New Member

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    Long distance as in 4-5 hour plane flight between us... And she is enrolled in a minimum 3 year course. However, I have nothing really holding me here apart from family and friends. I have a few things to tie off from last year and hope to have that done soon but after that I am free to move and do as I please.

    We have been dropping lines by email, but she has no home internet access. We have been talking on the phone daily, quite often for a decent amount of time. I don't think communication is the issue at all, she is entirely honest with me. I think the problem stems with me just being a voice on the phone, a friend. And thats what I want to mix up a bit if I can.

    The cheating episode is pretty fucked up, and yes it seems trust, respect and commitment are issues but truly only when she is under the influence, no excuse, I know. She has impulses and desires when she is sober but as far as I know, and I'd like to think, wouldn't act on them. For what its worth, she didn't initiate anything she just wasn't strong enough (sober enough?) to stop herself. Make what you will of it, I've been trying to too.

    I believe (currently anyway...) that since she realised what her fuck up meant to me and to our relationship that she has realised she could lose me over this and she hates that idea. So a lesson learned, this is what I hope anyway and I want this relationship to work so am willing for now atleast to attempt to make it work, up to the point where maybe some other shit hits the fan.

    We're still resolving this though. As I said, she comes back in two weeks so assuming she gets through this next stint without any more altercations we'll take it from there.


    So yes our LDR is off to a shit start, but I wasn't expecting it to be easy. Just not this fucked up straight away...

    Anywho!


    What special efforts do couples make to maintain the LDR's, in terms of communication or sexual interactions or anything.

    This is my first serious relationship and now first LDR so I'm just curious for peoples own experiences. What worked and didn't etc.


    Bit of an essay, some patience in reading it would be great.
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

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    You've only been together for 8 months. I know it feels like a lot, and admittedly, I don't know your relationship, but that is not a long time to alter your life around her - i.e., moving to where she is at, etc. If it is an area you would go to anyway, fine. If you would be only going there for her, I would think about it very strongly.

    Generally guys don't just kiss girls who they don't feel have been giving some sort of signal that they're interested. So what if she wasn't the one who moved in for the kiss on him... she was probably flirting and everything else prior to that, so she's not completely off the hook. The point is to stay out of situations that could lead to a problem. It sounds like she isn't very good at that. Sure, if she's young and naive she might be able to "learn" that...but do you want to be the guinea pig while she trial-and-errors her way through what her limits are?

    Forgive, don't forget! (that may be extra bitter, but...?)

    We used to watch TV together, play internet games together...just generally stuff you can do at the same time. But we got to see each other often. I'm not sure what we would do if we could only see each other every few months. I've done it before, but I don't think I would do it now. It's too much effort.

    You can always send little gifts/cards/etc. Phone/cyber sex. Webcams once she gets internet. Celebrate all your silly occasions (i.e. 1 month anniversaries and such), just to help keep you thinking about each other. Surprise trip to visit her, or trip for both of you to somewhere.

    I don't know. Sounds like a lot of effort to me considering, but maybe she'll come around. Good luck.
     
  5. Killswitch

    Killswitch New Member

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    Thanks, gives me a bit more to think about and talk through with her.
     
  6. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    ok, I feel like i've answered this thread several times before. But you seem like a nice chap, so I'll have it a go again.

    In order for there to be a relationship, you must trust in each other completely. That means no getting drunk and hooking up. Its purely an excuse in my book, because i have been black out drunk and still would not cheat on my bf, nor would I let someone else touch me because I can tell that its not him and my body just rejects it. Moving on because you have decided to...

    you need to decide how often you are going to see each other. I find that being on a set schedule is beneficial. For example, I know that I see my bf twice a month, and usually he drives out once and I drive home once.

    I do not recommend moving out there to be with her. It is important for both of you, considering you're in your first serious relationship, to have your own lives during this time. If things were to work out, you would both know you did your own things first. Also, this makes for interesting things to talk about, because you both have stuff going on that is different. I honestly cannot stand the couples that went away to college together because they couldnt be apart and now spend every moment together and never meet anyone else. Go live your life, get involved in things, and have a good time.

    I limit my talking time to a few minutes a night on the phone. We talk for as long as we have something interesting to say, but we dont fish for conversation. Set time every night I know my phone is ringing, and I go talk to him for a few, and then get back to my life. I wouldnt suggest talking throughout the day, she's going to need space to do her school thing, and will get standoffish if she feels like she's being crowded. We also send a few text messages throughout the day, which is nice and simple for keeping in touch.

    In terms of the sexuality, build up the tension while you're apart. Suggest new things, buy new toys, maybe have her buy some lingerie, whatever it is. And talk about what you'd like to do to each other leading up to it. When you are together next it will be absolutely amazing.

    I'm in a six year program, and he was away at school two years before I even went away. Thats 8 years long distance, of which we've so far made it through 4 with relatively few hitches. So i hope you'll at least consider some of my advice.
     
  7. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    wow nice!
     
  8. Jacy

    Jacy red lipstick brigade

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    For your LDR to work, you need to trust your girlfriend ... and within the first week, she's already violated this trust. Successful LDR relationships require trust. It seems like you are making excuses for her behavior

    I recommend purchasing webcams, talking on skype, and textmessaging
     
  9. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

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    A guy doesn't just walk up to a girl and kiss her.
    Sorry bud.
    If alcohol is all what it takes for her to cheat or whatever you call it, then i wouldn't stay with the girl.

    When it comes to tips, i got none. :)
     
  10. dontfearthegovt

    dontfearthegovt New Member

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    My girlfriend lives 2 hours away. We see each other every weekend.

    Stay in touch. Talk to her every day, even if its only for a few minutes.

    Biggest tip I can give you: If you ever have a fight in-person dont under any circumstance let her leave on a bad note while she is still mad at you. nothing is worse than leaving your SO on a bad note and then being paranoid all week about whats going on in her head. Always leave on a positive note because that will reflect on her thoughts until the next time you see each other.
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    2 weeks and she already kissed a guy? And she "is a very physical person and needs contact as it is such a habit for her"?

    I'm a physical contact person too...this is why I don't get in LDRs.

    Get out now. I don't think her needs are going to be compatible with maintaining an LDR.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    2 weeks away from you and she makes out with a guy? Not to mention she easily could've done more but didn't tell you to try and salvage the relationship... Yep, this sounds worth it.
     
  13. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    she's not going to be happy. she needs someone that she can snuggle with and who can be there for her all the time.

    you can't be. it's not your fault. but don't fight it.
     
  14. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

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    Just wait


    "Yes but she is special, she knows that what she did was wrong. I'm going to give her another chanceblabla"
     
  15. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    Dump her. Anything we could have told you about a LDR starts with Trust and since she's already violated that, there's not much else to tell you.
     
  16. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    what makes it work

    1 ) by only talking a few times a week
    2 ) never telling the other when ya are going out drinking
    3 ) by cheating occassionally. If it was a serious relationship you would be living in the same place.

    why? Ignorance = Bliss
     
  17. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    this is the truth.

    the fact that you are even in a LDR proves that you see something happening in the future for you two.
    its obviously not going to happen right now, so basically the LDR is a way to reserve eachother until the time comes when you can be in a real relationship.

    LDR's are not REAL RELATIONSHIPS! nobody would ever say it is an ideal representation of a relationship or even of how two people should co-exist.

    so, make your decision, is the girl worth the 3 year (or however long) wait. right now it may seem like a good idea but think long term. now consider if she feels the same way about you.

    right now as yuppy pointed out it isnt a serious thing, you are banking on the fact that it will be when you two can finally be together.. so do what you have to do to get through the time, dont tell her about it, dont let her find out, know that she is probably doing the same and just accept it. otherwise you two will be miserable.

    what are your plans for when the LDR is over? is she moving to you? are you moving to her? is she going to go off and get a job in another part of the world/country and leave you in a LDR again?



    maybe not go as far as cheating.. what helped me in my LDR was a really good female friend who was also in a LDR, we both found eachother attractive and enjoyed our time together, and we would do couple like things like go see movies or go to dinner/lunch, hang out regularly. as far as physical contact we gave eachother massages, never kissed or fucked or did any other forms of touching just straight massaging, yeah it was sometimes full body but private parts were left out. It really helped calm all of the shit that comes with not being able to see your SO.
     
  18. Nuk3

    Nuk3 New Member

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    very good, very true :bowdown:
     
  19. fray

    fray New Member

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    While I don't think you guys are necessarily wrong, I do think it depends on the degree of long-distanceness(?) and the relationship.

    If it's only LDR for a couple years and you're seeing each other every weekend, it really shouldn't get to the point of cheating or near cheating. In threadstarters case... well, that's different. Not sure how he's going to sort that all out.
     
  20. Nuk3

    Nuk3 New Member

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    it cant exactly be called an LDR if you are seeing each other every weekend, its just a part time relationship, i guess
     
  21. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    sounds like the girl you should marry to be honest.... a woman you who's company you enjoy, find attractive and dont have to be intimate to be around :dunno:


    very good description.
     
  22. Nuk3

    Nuk3 New Member

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    a few months ago, a friend of mine's 3 year relationship ended because he had to go back to med school and his g/f couldn't wait



    .... sorry im trolling, nothing to do on a saturday night
     
  23. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    she did things that i wouldnt really like if i was in a relationship with a girl but since we were just friends I was willing to over look them.

    that and the fact that i was 19 and not looking for any sort of marriage lol.

    and the girl I was in the LDR with was more attractive, more enjoyable and the sex was the best i've ever had... shame it had to end, it only really ended because neither of us could really leave where we lived due to career choices.
     
  24. Nuk3

    Nuk3 New Member

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    see, i dont want to be like that, i know it sounds stupid and probably immature, but i like to think there is such thing as love and i would do anything for it, so if i thought i was in love with a girl, but career made it difficult i would just try another profession, then again i guess im just young and ambitious
     
  25. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    hahahah.. why would I give up my dreams and quite possibly the only career path thats ever made me happy to go to work every day, for a relationship that started while i was still in my teens???? yeah fucking right bro lol...

    do i think about her regularly, yes! do I miss her, yes!

    i guess the movie industry is more than just a job though, its not simply a way to make money, its a creative outlet.
     

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