SRS Time for new friends?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CRXican, Aug 15, 2009.

  1. CRXican

    CRXican God Loves Ugly

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    My best friend from back in the day is off to grad school in Texas for about a year and a half. While I have the long list of "friends" from high school on facebook I never talk to any of them.

    Have a couple local friends I met during college. They both went to the same high school, best friends, recently bought a house together. They retained a much bigger group of friends from high school. I've met all the friends, we get along, I've been to bachelor parties, weddings, traveled out of state to visit the mutual friends.

    Despite all that it seems that when the weekend comes, I'm always the one that has to initiate contact. I don't really feel guilty when I sort of invite myself along because like I said, I've hung out with all their other friends. We all get along. I do feel a little guilty because I don't have the large friend base coming up with things to do every weekend.

    I really don't want to say fuck it and stop talking to these guys I've known for 7 years but it would be nice to develop a bigger group of friends. What I'm not interested in is having a fake group of friends just so I have something to do.

    I know we've had threads like this before so if you don't feel like giving advice that's cool, it was nice just to type this down and vent.

    /blog
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    No action = No reaction

    Meaning that everything that you want to achieve must be initiated by yourself, in other words you are the starting point when it comes to establishing relationships because other people won't do this for you. You know this and its basic but,

    What you are looking for are friendships that go 'both ways', namely in which you invest and give , and in which the other person also invests and gives something back. In other words,

    Friendships are established based on mutual selfish interests, meaning that in a healthy relationship , both people have a 'stake' into being with eachother and benefit from it.

    If another person doesn't benefit from being with you, then you won't ever hear that person calling you back. So what does this all mean?

    That you have to choose your friends carefully, in fact i don't even think friends exist, reality is that we are all selfish son of a bitches who just want to gain from eachother, when two people mutually gain from eachother they become what we call 'friends', which is pretty much fucking unhealthy.

    So what is a healthy friendship? Take my cousin for an example, he has a base group of at least 20 people, which are REALLY good friends. The question is why is he in such a healthy group of friends? The real essence of it is that they make eachother laugh a lot, and give eachother a great time, the booze and the gatherings are just secondary to that. parties, weddings, are just name tags so they can gather and make eachother laugh and give eachother a great time. I think this is the real essence of a healthy good friend/relationship.
     
  3. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    If after 7 years of actively pursuing them and you still can't consider them your "base" circle then I'd say you should make new friends outside of them and maybe try to mesh the groups? That way they will be mutual friends through you or something.

    Either that or just leave them alone and wait for them to contact you....then once they do so they will probably ask you where you have been and then you can say something like "I don't know. I'm just gettin the impression that you guys all get along great and there isn't much room for me." Then the ball is in their court and at that point I would just see where it goes from there.

    But whatever bro, i've been in similar situations as you and I felt empowered by cutting contact. Nobody likes chasing people who aren't reciprocating the gesture (aka not considering them in their weekend plans). I gained some self respect by drawing a line when they wouldn't put in an equal amount of effort into the friendship that I put in.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2009
  4. CRXican

    CRXican God Loves Ugly

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    Thanks for the advice. I pulled this part because it almost seems to be true but so damn cynical.
     
  5. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    This.

    You don't have to necessarily cut contact if you don't want, but I'd guess that if you never contact them, they'll probably never contact you. Find some new friends. Get a hobby, and go to meets with other people with the same hobby, that's a great way to meet people that share interests with you.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    People who NEVER contact you aren't really your friends.
     

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