SRS Those of you who have lost a parent...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ihaveanevilplan, Feb 28, 2007.

  1. ihaveanevilplan

    ihaveanevilplan Everybody wake up, wake up, it's time to get down Moderator

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    My mom passed away in November...I was doing pretty well. After it happened, there was so much stuff to take care of with funeral arrangements and family visiting that it felt like I didn't have time to be sad. It actually bothered me how little I cried afterwards (minus the funeral).

    But for the past month or so I've really been thinking about her a lot and miss her terribly. I have that 'heavy heart' feeling all the time and also find myself coming to tears much more easily during sad/touching parts in tv shows/movies...ie kind of sensitive emotionally.

    Not that I ever want to stop loving/missing her but how long, if ever, did it take for the pain to subside? Was there anything you guys did to help you deal? :hs:
     
  2. kpop

    kpop New Member

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    pretty much, let it ALL out, juts keep on crying when you get emotional. keep getting emotional and after a while youll actually feel better and stop bieng so emotional, and move on. im sure your mum wouldnt want you to be sad all the time, so be strong for her. like they say "time heals all wounds"
     
  3. Dirteh Kage

    Dirteh Kage New Member

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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHuJPLRu2Qg

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbfyUoye9GE&mode=related&search=
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2007
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Never been through this but I'm sorry for your loss :hug:
     
  5. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I like to just forget it ever happen.
     
  6. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I've never lost a parent but I'm sorry for your loss :hug:
     
  7. ihaveanevilplan

    ihaveanevilplan Everybody wake up, wake up, it's time to get down Moderator

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    thanks guys

    during the day i feel fine..i guess work keeps my mind off of things. but when i'm at home at night, that when i start getting bummed.

    no, my mom definately would not want me (or my little sis) to be sad all the time. In her last couple of years of being sick, she made it very clear that we were the things she held dearest in life. :hs: It does comfort me in knowing that she's in a better place now and no longer suffering :)

    EliteLamer, i know that's how many people deal with things, but my memory has a funny way of triggering memories when i see/hear the most random things... :hug: to you too and everyone else
     
  8. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    It's been 6 years for me. I was very close to my mom. The first year was the worst. I cried, in private, a lot. Within a year of her death, I experienced my two closest friends moving far away. It was a lot of loss to deal with and I was definitely depressed, so the bad part lasted a while. Eventually time went by and I realized, as you do, that mom wouldn't have wanted me grieving and grieving. I still think of her most every day, but it's more wistful, fond memories and wishing she could see my kids as they grow.


    The *firsts* - first birthday, Mother's day, anniversary of the death are, by far, the worst. Then the loss gradually becomes less acute.


    I'm sorry for your loss :hug:
     
  9. Dirteh Kage

    Dirteh Kage New Member

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    True dat!!!!!! :sad2:
     
  10. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I myself have never lost a parent to death. My best friend, however, lost her father a little over 3 years ago. He wasn't sick or ill, and his death was vry unexpected. At first, she acted like everything was fine, but a few months later she had a breakdown. I know everyone's grieving process is different, but I think it's normal to be in initial shock, and then have it hit you later down the road. The best advice that i can give from what I've seen in her is to just think of happy memories, and preserve those. Have a good cryfest every now and then, but don't let these thoughts consume you every day. Your mother would not have wanted that. I'm very sorry for your loss. :hug:
     
  11. Toxygen

    Toxygen So it goes

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    You need to mourn. There is no other way to really get through a death of a close person. Mourn and grieve, and as others have said, really let it out. You may want to consult a therapist if you feel the need to share with someone who will understand the real process of mourning.
    I had a friend whose father died, and she spent years not acknowledging how much it affected her. I think this made her life more miserable than it should have been. I don't know if she ever really mourned his death, but I know she stopped smiling, stopped being hopeful about life after that happened.

    So mourn, your way, as much as you feel the need to. Your loved one will remain with you, in memories and feelings and thoughts, but a part of you will need to let go, through the mourning process.
     
  12. Dirteh Kage

    Dirteh Kage New Member

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    x2
     
  13. misfits

    misfits OT Supporter

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    It takes time definitely. I lost my father 8 years ago and I tried to bottle up my emotions so that it wouldn't take control over me. Over a while, I couldn't hold it in any longer and I just busted out crying to my best friends and told them everything. Just get talking with a close friend and or close relative of yours...don't alienate this problem with them, because I'm sure you have people who are close to you and want to talk to you.

    You just have to remember that your mom would've wanted you to LIVE your life no matter what! ...it seems really hard right now, but let this be a growing step for you. :hs:
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2007
  14. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    It's been just over 7 years since i lost my mom. it takes time, every year that passes I grow more as a person, I get stronger and I find new strategies of coping. I no longer grieve but I do get sad from time to time. I focus on remembering all the best funniest things about my mother, even her faults. Anytime i feel sad about it, which now is very rarely, maybe once or twice a year do i REALLY get down about it, i just pull out the happy memories, i cry it out, find all the great people Still in my life and celebrate the best times and best memories of my mother with them. I know that may not help right now, the wound is still fresh. I know for the first year after i couldn't think of my mom without choking up and having to hide myself in the school bathrooms to cry or if i could i go to my friends ( I was blessed with very good closse friends that grieved my mom with me) and they'd let me cry with them and they'd tell me it'd be ok. You just have to cry it out and just know she's with you as long as you remember you best times.
     

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