SRS this relationship i'm in is fucked up

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by moses, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    and when i say relationship, i mean two people knowing each other. Because its not got a label on it. started seeing each other awhile ago (09/06) posted some issues in here before about her. she gets hot/cold hot/cold hot/cold. She's going thru a divorce, and today found out that she may want to work things out with this guy because she can't get over him and everyone makes mistakes blah blah blah. I know she cares about me because she gets jealous of other girls all the time, and we've been intamite over the past 8 months (but like i said hot/cold)

    I care a lot about her and want her to be happy, but this guy has phsyically harmed her in the past and done some mean shit also. So if she wants to be with him and that makes her happy, then fine. But i don't want to be any part of that. But part of me feels like i'm abandoning her, and it feels like i'm being mean to her by ignoring her if thats the path that she chooses.

    am i being selfish here???
     
  2. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    I've been in a similar situation, but I didn't choose to work things out. I don't think you're being selfish. Like you said, if that's the path she chooses there's really nothing you can do. Does she expect you to continue seeing her while she decides if she wants to be with him or not?
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I think your just the rebound here. Honestly give her an ultimatum, either you or him in 3 weeks or your out.
     
  4. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    in the last month all the sudden she's like "we're friends" and i'm betting it has to do with him. We don't act like just friends, as i said we've been intimate and she still gets jealous of girls that talk to me and flirt with me. so i'm way confused here, but with her telling me she wants nothing more than a friendship right now i know there's no potential for anything more. So i kinda have to pull away, which sucks but wtf am i supposed to do?
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You know she cares about you because she gets jealous if other girls give you attention? Sorry bro, possessiveness does not equal a high interest level.

    Yes you're being selfish, but in a very smart and good way. If a girl I was dating told me she was leaving me or even thinking about it to go back to some ex or anyone else for that matter, I'd pack her bags for her and move on with my life. You are not abandoning her, and in fact if you try to cling on to a situation she's expressed interest in leaving then you're only going to hurt yourself more and cause her to resent you and lose respect for you-since any self respecting man wouldn't put up with that shit.
     
  6. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    Friday night I dj'd and after my set she pulled me aside and pushed me up against the wall and was like "i care a lot about you, blah blah blah" the blah blah blah was compliments and then bit me on my cheek. i'm pretty sure she was drinkin. She left the club because some girl was "giving her dirty looks" that likes me and she acted all jealous about it, asking me if i've slept with her and what not. She then later called me 3 times to make sure i got home okay, things like that confuse me.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2007
  7. Alenon12

    Alenon12 Save the cheerleader....save the world

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    perhaps it wouldnt hurt to go out on a date with another girl, or just go hang out with other girls. If she's going to be jealous about it she needs to realize either you're together or you're not. Not "i get to decide who i want to be with but while i think it over you cant have anything to do with other girls or i'll be mad".
     
  8. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    well thats the direction i'm going now regardless of what occurs. But yeah, she should see that my life doesn't revolve completely around her, and that i'm a commodity.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Honestly, who gives a fuck? She's telling you she's thinking about going back to the ex. That right there is all you need to know. If she's throwing you signals that cause you to doubt it's because she enjoys the attention you give her. However she is not in love with you nor even respects you too much because she is stringing you along. We see this shit all of the time. You're attached, and she knows it. She's juggling two different men because SHE CAN. Why give up one guy when both seem willing to stick around to see who she chooses? I would never ever let a girl juggle me like this. I have too much Self Respect and I would walk. So should you.
     
  10. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    good point.
     
  11. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I'm in the same boat not to hijack this thread or anything...

    I think you should see other people and so on and just kinda slowly step out of this relationship.

    Here is my deal. Just going to post it in here. Hell with it.

    Ok, Kinda long.

    I hav known this girl for 5 years. We dated and then she went off to school. When she came home she was with one of my friends. She liked me and wanted to be with me but I was dating someone at the time. Well, her situation get serious with him and so on. Well, he has cheated on her and cheated on her and cheated on her and who was there to pick her broken heart up? ME! I stayed with her on many I mean many nights while she cried and cried and cried and needed that comfort.

    Well, heres her situation now. Mine too I guess. She is going through a divorce and she has a kid with my buddy or my old buddy(I've lost a lot of respect from him over the duration of their relationship). He has hurt her is so many ways it's unbelievable. Well, He has held her against her will, thrown her to the floor and I believe he has hit her once too(I might be mistaken on that one). Well, her and I had been really close again like almost dating close(We have been real close to begin with). Well, she just went through the second part of mediation with the lawyers and stuff like that. Well, right before this she tells me that she just needs a friend right now and not a boyfriend and I'm like thats fine. Even tho I want more then that and she tells me she wants more then that but she says she can't handle that right now. She is currently graduating from college, working full time, trying to find another school for her bach., trying to juggle me and other things in her life like free time so i can kinda see why she wouldn't want to be in a relationship and just kinda want her own space. Well, her ex, never really did anything for her or really helped her with anything. So, me being the nice person I am I would always ask if she wanted help. She took that like I was always trying to be around her and all on top of her. Not really the case but I will go on. I guess she has told me that maybe in the future we will be together and I don't know if that's true or not and I kinda hope it is. I mean I love her and she loves me. She has told me on serveral instances that she wishes I would of asked her to be with me when she came home and her life would be a lot better right now. Do you think that is true? I don't know what to think about that. She tells me that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. Don't know about that ither. You? opinions would be nice. I mean I know she has always loved me and always will but I just don't get this. lately she has pushed me away and doesn't really want to talk to me or anything like that. Example: just got off the phone with her. I had to ask her a question about something that I was doing for her. So i asked the question and she gave me the answer. Well, I said when do I get to see you next and she says...IDK I don't think that far in advance. Well, I was like why haven't you been talking to me and she says nothing to say just been thinking and I haven't really said much to anyone.(do I take that as just not talking to me?) Well, I just want to hang out as friends and I know she wants to also but probably won admit it. She tells me she just wants me as a friend right now not a boyfriend and I tell her fine. But when it comes down to it I don't know why she doesn't want to hang out.

    I guess the questions I'm looking for answer ona re the ones I asked in my story. I mean if they're some I missed that you would ask yourself in the situation post it and I will try to answer it.

    Again sorry for so long and sorry for hijacking thread. Kinda fit the topic I guess...

    Maybe I should take my own advice!
     
  12. deviant critter

    deviant critter New Member

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    sounds like the situation is unfair to you. if she's dumb enough to keep going back to man that hurts her, there's nothing you can do. and your not abandoning her.
     
  13. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Her actions scream that she's not interested. If you have a romantic future with her I'll eat my hat. Seriously bro, you've filled the role of the therapist and the shoulder to cry on far too many times and that's who you are to her. You're the person she can tap when she sfeels she needs something. I don't think she has a high interest level in you at all. I'd have walked away a LONG TIME AGO.
     
  14. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    End it with her NOW.

    Tell her she needs to choose, the marriage or you. Then don't see her until she makes up her mind.

    Married = :nono:
     
  15. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    i didn't know until i'd already gotten involved. Now its fucking hard to just break away, but i'm trying slowly. i'm online because of work so she'll message me during the day. I feel bad blocking her though, :(

    its like a lose/lose
     
  16. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    So she lied to you about something as basic as "I'm married" and you find it hard to break away? How much more deceptive does someone have to be before you'd consider breaking away.

    Also, you "feel bad"? How do you think her HUSBAND feels?

    Of course it's not easy breaking away from someone you care for. But the way she's acting should make it much, much easier.



    ..........and btw, even if she never explicitly said "I'm not married" she still lied. She knew she was married and didn't let you know. That's a lie.
     
  17. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

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    That was my thought as well when I read this. In the end, it's her decision who to go with. It sounds to me like she already made the decision to stay with him, but doesn't want to lose you. If she chooses him, cut all contact with her. That's not abandoning her since she made the decision.

    Good luck to you, though.
     
  18. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    We have been romatic til about a two weeks ago! I don't know Im starting to kinda get back into the single life you could say but I mean I won't lie I do miss her.
     
  19. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I said future.
     
  20. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I just read that. I must of been skimming..
     
  21. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    If she is dating an abuser then she is not someone you want to date anyway. She needs professional help before she should ever think about getting into another relationship. She will just end up leaving you for another abuser but that is what she is used to.
     
  22. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    thats definitely the plan, he lives in another state, not even anywhere near her. But if thats what she does she'll never hear from me again, thats for damn sure.
     
  23. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    just by looking at his myspace it looks like he's fuckin other women :dunno:
     
  24. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Leave her. Move on. Tell her she's fucking with your emotions by having both you and her husband on the same string. Tell her you're not going to tolerate that shit. :dunno: If she wants you over him, she will tell you.
     

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