This one feels worse than the others

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Jazz, Feb 23, 2006.

  1. Jazz

    Jazz Powerhouse of the Scrum

    Mar 14, 2000
    Likes Received:
    Vancouver, BC
    I've been in serious relationships before, even a couple longer than this, but htis is the only breakup that's given me that sinking feeling in my gut.

    I don't know if anybody is gonna bother reading all this, but there's nobody I know that I feel comfortable talking about this with. Hopefully somebody here is bored and will take a look. If not, it's out there and for some reason it makes me feel a bit better about it. I dunno if it was a dumb decision completely breaking it off with her, but I don't know if I could handle being with her feeling the way I do and knowing she doesn't :sad2:

    (19:51:26) Her: hi
    (19:51:29) Me: hey
    (19:51:49) Me: I might cut out on you 'cuase my wireless is being flakey
    (19:51:52) Me: just pre warning
    (19:52:04) Her: no problems
    (19:52:05) Me: so how's it oging?
    (19:52:53) Her: just studyin u
    (19:53:48) Me: sitting here watching tv
    (19:54:18) Her: i c. shouldn't you be at practice?
    (19:55:41) Me: should, but I sprained my wrist pretty bad on saturday, remember
    (19:56:08) Her: oh yeah. that bad?
    (19:56:37) Me: yeah, i went to the hosptl last night to get x-rays and it's actually fractured
    (19:56:53) Me: just have to take it easy for a couple weeks
    (19:57:42) Me: I didn't think it was that bad, but all day yesterday the swelling kept getting worse so I figured I should get it looked at
    (19:58:06) Her: wow, guess u better lay off rugby for a while
    (19:58:47) Me: haha, yeah
    (19:58:56) Me: just means more free time for a couple weeks
    (19:59:15) Her: u should take up readintg
    (19:59:29) Me: I should...
    (19:59:30) Me: :p
    (19:59:36) Me: so how was the rest ofyour weekend?
    (20:00:15) Her: sunday went to school to study for my midterm today
    (20:01:22) Me: oh yeah, how'd that go?
    (20:01:49) Her: it was kind of hard. but i know i passed its all good
    (20:02:19) Me: good to hear
    (20:03:05) Her: yeah
    (20:04:02) Her: but yeah wut else is up
    (20:04:07) Me: not much
    (20:04:17) Me: went to see that Russel Peters show at teh QE last night with my cousin
    (20:05:20) Me: a bit better than brokeback :o
    (20:05:35) Her: hahaha. yeah that wasn't exactly the best.
    (20:05:59) Me: it's alright, we got to talk more thn I thought we would during movie...the people behind us probably didn't like it too much :o
    (20:07:58) Me: so, how busy are you this week?
    (20:09:30) Her: sorry, i was gone from the comp
    (20:10:15) Her: well, right now we still have midterms so i'm still as busy as I was last week.
    (20:10:35) Her: 8-|
    (20:12:40) Her: u still there
    (20:12:42) Me: did you have some time to meet at some point then?
    (20:12:54) Me: yeah, sorry

    still here
    (20:13:44) Her: i think ur a great guy, and i bet we would excellent friends, but i can't promise anything more than that.
    (20:14:13) Her: right now.
    (20:15:04) Her: i mean we could still hang out, but about the future............
    (20:15:42) Me: ok, well I guess I don't know how to respond to that
    (20:16:34) Me: I have a great time everytime I'm with you, but I guess there's no point in going further if that's the way you feel
    (20:17:40) Her: i know i love being with you too. and i think that we can go further, but not leading to anything serious.......i don't think i'm ready to make that type of decision yet. but i want to be friends.
    (20:18:28) Her: its just how i feel right now.
    (20:21:04) Me: I'm happy being friends for now and taking the relationship slow, but in the end if what we're looking for in this relationship is different

    I dunno...
    (20:24:03) Her: so that's cool then. i just don't want u to lead u on or anything u know. i don't want u to feel like u can't go meet other girls, in fact, i would want u to. and we can continue to be friends and then nobody knows about destiny right.
    (20:24:44) Her: ? i think if its meant to be it will happen, but other than that.........i'd like to build a friendship
    (20:25:46) Her: ur not saying anything?
    (20:26:22) Me: sorry, this conversation doesn't flow in my head as well as most that we have
    (20:26:54) Her: sorry, if i'm making it confusin
    (20:27:19) Me: well given how our relationship started and how we met, I imagine it being akward every time we're together
    (20:29:10) Her: really? well, i guess if thats how u feel, then.......i guess i wish u the best in the future, and i hope u find what u are looking for. mind u, that doesn't mean, we can't be msn friends, right? but then again, its ur decision. what r u saying exactly?
    (20:33:23) Me: k, well, if we are going to go beyond this point, I guess I gotta ask what changed over the weekend
    (20:33:56) Her: what do u mean?
    (20:34:58) Me: I mean you said you're not ready for something this serious, but I don't really think that's how you felt last week, and it's only been two days since then
    (20:38:47) Her: i just don't see us being romantically involved.
    (20:39:43) Her: but thats the difference between when we first met and now.
    (20:40:14) Me: ok, well that's I guess what I needed to know.
    (20:40:29) Me: I personally am very attracted to you
    (20:41:53) Me: and that's the problem. I hate that this is happening, and given how I feel I don't think I could be just friends. everytime we're together, I'd see you and know that you don't feel the same way about me
    (20:45:42) Her: oh see, you are a very sweet guy, and with time, i honestly think i could become romantically involved. but i don't want to lead you on, and get everyone's hopes up or anything. and if it doesn't work out, its just going to cause a lot of heartbreak.
    (20:46:41) Me: I can't say that this feels good. I know it's only been a couple months, and not the longest relationship I've been in, but being with you I felt different than with any other girl I've been with.
    (20:47:42) Her: are you saying you love me?
    (20:48:21) Me: i don't know if I'd make that bold a statement given how long we've been together, but I did feel there is something different about us
    (20:49:52) Her: Unfortunately I can't say I feel the least not yet.
    (20:50:17) Me: OK then, and I apologise for maybe grilling you the last ten minutes, but I did need some answers before I could say anything definate.

    Sorry it didn't work out better, and good luck in the future.
    (20:52:00) Her: hey no problems and i actually respect that you want to know, and i hope you do have good luck in the future also. i am sure you will find somebody and she will be one lucky girl. Goodbye
    (21:00:42) Her has closed the conversation window.
    (21:06:00) Her logged out.
  2. Untow Bo

    Untow Bo New Member

    Jan 8, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Building 93
    Dunno what to say as you guys said it all. Kinda formal and cold via IM but I guess that's relationships in the new millenium or whatever.

    She wanted to tell you she was not interested in a romantic relationship with you and she did. As far as she is concerned, you two are over. It's done except for maybe saying hi to each other now and then.

    Rejection is brutal and being e-rejected is pretty rough imo. I guess that's why you feel why you do.... totally understandable. Go out with the brolys, have fun, hit on hawties and let her go is all I can say.
  3. beanie

    beanie *

    Mar 30, 2000
    Likes Received:
    bay area, ca
    *hugs* soweee Jazz :hs:

    She sounds really confused as to what she is looking for between you two (unless i'm reading it wrong since it seems like she contradicts herself a bit). But I don't think that breaking it off with her was the wrong decision. It can be hard to be around someone that you have feelings for - especially when you are on two different pages.

    Just give it some time... go to the gym ;) go out and have some fun. You know where I am if you feel like talking
  4. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

    Jun 3, 2004
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    Stop stomping all over yourself bro, have some self respect. I remember once sounding like that, never got me anywhere with girls or anywhere in life. Sorry, I just had to be honest.
  5. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Feb 25, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Springfield, MO
    We all know how much this hurts, and it does, bad.

    Obviously she was attracted to you, but something turned her away.

    Fix yourself, and go meet other attractive women. Not only will you be hanging out with hot women, but the friendzone girl will be more attracted to you because of it.
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Jul 11, 2004
    Likes Received:
    First, I want to say sorry and it sucks, but you need to pick yourself up and move on quickly here so you can salvage your self-confidence. Here's my take on it. By the way, I love being able to read emails/IM's since you get such a good feel for what is going on. I'm just going to go line by line and say what I see...

    So far pretty boring here. This is why I avoid IM. Too impresonal. Too boring. Not enough flirting.

    Whoa, big red flag right here. I would have seen this as a VERY bad sign and started to pull back fast.

    Excuses, excuses, the language of a woman who is trying to get away.

    You kissed her ass, you supplicated, you acted desperate. This could be a factor in why she pulled away. A better response might be something like "Hey, no worries, I totally don't want anything serious right now. What are you worried about? I'm not proposing to you! ;) "

    Girl speak for "Go date other girls"

    But this is where you should point out that you're not friends with anyone who can't help you drag dead bodies to be buried in the yard... or lift a transmission. ;) No, seriously, you say "Sure, that's cool. I totally understand." but don't commit to being friends because that shit never works. it makes you look desperate for her, you miss other chances to be with other women, and other women think you're still stuck on her.

    So I don't quite know how you two met, but ... she's dumped you, it never should have gotten this far or this serious.

    This means she sees you as a guy who is not mature and/or sexual in some manner, or she's screwing some other guy. Take your pick... Have you ever slept together? Not that I need to know, but if you have not and you never made a move, you friendzoned yourself.

    Never admit you are attracted to a woman. If anything, say "You're kind of cute and I could date you if you were a cool person." at the most.

    You're dumping your feelings on her like she's your therapist or mother. Big article I wrote here, check it out:

    Pure and complete bullshit. Sweet guy = friendzoned. Hot guy = boyfriend.

    Good response on your part.

    Good response on your part.

    You ended that nicely, but should have ended it a lot sooner.

    The trick here is to understand that she started throwing red flags very soon in the conversation, and getting in-depth with it (and so serious) is a downer. It may be part of the reason why she dumped you. Not once did you make a joke, even before she dumped you. Are you always this serious? If so, maybe it's time to think about being a little more light-hearted with folks. Joke around a little, poke some fun from time to time, even in serious moments (if appropriate/possible.)

    You may want to read these two other articles I wrote that apply to what you are going through:


    So... again, I am really sorry things went badly, but on the positive side this is a GREAT opportunity for you to think about what you may have done that was a problem, doing a little self-improvement, and then being a better man for the next woman you meet.

    Good luck! :wavey:
  7. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Feb 25, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Springfield, MO
    Next time you talk to a woman, just completely take out the word "feel" as in "You make me feel..." or "I feel..." of your vocabulary --- The only time you should talk about feelings is when you say "How does that make you feel?" or "I feel like dropping you off and going out to the strip club instead."

    The only "feeling" James Bond does in on the boobs of the girl he is seducing, because he avoids talking about subjects like his "feelings."
  8. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member OT Supporter

    Oct 20, 2002
    Likes Received:

    i hate that "if its meant to be it will happen" line. They only throw that in there to keep the image of hope in your mind. Damn women
  9. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

    Apr 10, 2004
    Likes Received:
    You made the right decision breaking it off with her. You do need to be less serious if that is how you normally are, joke around a bit.

    I was kinda in the same situation, one of my shortest relationships was the one that hurt the most, funny how that happens sometimes :wiggle: Live and learn, move on :)
  10. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

    Nov 26, 2004
    Likes Received:
    It's a line for shifting responsibility off of that person, and making it so that that they can be right, later in life:
    "see nothing happened between us, it wasn't meant to be." Less guilt involved that way.
    Pathetic, and childish.

    I mostly read..

    I led you one, because I'm an emo girl

    Same shit different girl.

    I keep getting this too, oh well, I've changed my tune lately though and stay friends Or at least in contact. You never know, things may work out.
  11. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Jan 4, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Fort Fun
    Hot guy = boyfriend is not always the case at all. Sometimes what is, just is what is. Sometimes people just don't connect. Sometimes one person thinks it's happening and the other isn't feeling it for whatever reason.

    I get hit on by a lot of guys or have tried to date lots of guys I think are encredibly hot but that doesn't mean the chemistry is there. I think it's good to give it time. Sometimes it can be just nerves. People don't always flow on the same level. There are so many levels and angles to personalities. I have dated guys who aren't exactly the most gorgeous guys.. but if the sparks are there they are there. :dunno: Looks have nothing on personality. They definately help but I think it has more to do with how you mesh and connect.

    I just recently dated this guy and the only reason I dated him for so long was because he was so sweet. I absolutely loved that. I date "the nice guy". He was a hottie. He treated me very well. I really wanted it to work but for some reason I couldn't figure out why the sparks just weren't there. I really wanted to give it a chance and see if it would grow into something because I felt like he was a really great catch but something just didn't feel right about it.

    Sometimes it's just there and sometimes it's not. My best friend treated me like gold and I married him. It may not have worked out but he's an amazing man and I still love him for everything he is.
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2006

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