SRS This may not seem inportant to you but...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by blackgrrl23, Jul 25, 2006.

  1. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    ...my parents went and opened *2* packages I had sent to the house yesterday. One USPS and one UPS. They were clearly marked with my name. Contents are unimportant but the fact that they opened them *without my permission* is pissing me off. This is not the first time they have done this. :squint: They claim they didn't read the name and assumed it was something they ordered and went and opened it. I know very well anyone's first instinct is to read the name on the package so I believe they were simply being nosy. Plus my name was CLEAR AS DAY on the labels! I have recieved packages before with no problem; it's just these last few weeks they have been VERY nosy with my mail/personal belongings in my room/etc. even offering to "clean" my room...making me think they are looking for something :ugh: I am WELL over 18 so technically it's a federal offense for them to even open it in the first place!

    How do I confront them to make sure it doesn't happen again? :squint:
     
  2. sneaky

    sneaky New Member

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    Yea, somewhat of the same situation started happening to me when i was 19-20. So i sat my dad down and asked him why he would be opening packages clearly addressed to me and he simply said "the package is addressed to my house, and what goes on in my house is my business."

    I couldn't really say much else, a few months later i moved out. I would hope you would have better luck if you ask but thats what happened to me.
     
  3. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    The simplest solution is a PO box, so I will simply do that. I didn't plan on moving out so soon, but I will talk to them this evening and if I get a vibe that they are going to continue to be nosy and in my business, I am out. I have money saved and could leave tomorrow if need be. :o
     
  4. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    Write them a letter and send it to yourself.
     
  5. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    great idea....see if they open it...make it look like a check or something important :bowdown:
     
  6. mistress

    mistress New Member

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    Put an official seal on it, from your state... then put a letter inside to Mom and Dad, Stop reading my mail, it is a federal offense, punishable by jail time.
    Love, Your daughter.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    :) A federal offense...well sure technically, but you think anyone will ever buy that charge?
    Look, if you're having problems setting boundaries, then you need to examine your own behaviour instead of your parents. Yes, that's right. YOU.

    The way people treat you is entirely and completely predicated on you. You tell others how you expect to be treated.

    You can already see that they are extremely nosy. Come on, offering to "clean" your room, thus getting your implicit permission to snoop?

    So if things are this bad, you thought they'd be able to resist the temptation to look in your package?



    Clearly the communication between you and your parents is poor or non-existent. They want to know what you're doing, who you are as a person, what you think. You probably say very little to them, and don't involve them in your life.

    So they beg for any scrap of information, or try to scavenge for it themselves.
    You haven't said they are bad to you, or are excessively controlling or mean to you.
    They simply want to know you -- their own child. And doubtless you shut them out, putting up a stony wall of silence or short one word answers before making your way to your room.

    Tell me, do you come home late, grab food from the kitchen, eat it yourself, and then head off to your room, or off to do your own thing?
    Maybe toss your parents two sentences or less on your way past the living room?



    Ultimately if you want true privacy, you're going to have to PAY for it, as in MOVE OUT.
    Till then, try acting like a grateful child and interacting with your parents.

    You will find the intrusive spying behaviour lessens automatically, as you begin to involve them in your life.
    You may feel you lose privacy this way, but only a child runs away and hides in their room. As an adult, you involve others, and in doing so, you create privacy because YOU determine the degree of involvement. Understand?



    They stop acting like parents the day you stop acting like a child.
    BE the adult you want to be treated like.

    Read that and read it again. That is a fundamental truth of families.
    (Interested parties can read up on transactional psychology.)
     
  8. R-Type

    R-Type The Bydo Empire must die!

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    She may or may not be communicating well, but then neither are the parents if they resort to the same kinds of infantile behavior you're accusing her of. Respect is a two way street and those in authority (police/schools/parents) need to remember that. She doesn't HAVE to involve her parents in anything necessarily. At 18+, it's her choice. It's also the parents' choice whether or not to throw her out over it. Other than that, both sides need to choose to work it out, or deal with their part of the conflict on their own terms. This 'well it's all your fault for your lack of privacy because you won't give them a revolving door into your life' is hardly a solution as it negates the whole point. She's a legal adult so I don't see a problem with her expectation of some privacy, even while living with her parents. This is even more so if she's paying rent to them.

    ---

    Blackgrrl, face your parents directly. Talk to them about it. If they start giving evasive trumpcard answers like "it's my house, my rules" then take action. Find another way to get packages to the house under your control. Be prepared for them to up the ante. See how far they're willing to take it. By doing so, you'll probably figure out the real reasons they're behaving this way in short order. If it's true that you're able to finance moving out at a moments notice, you've got nothing to lose by testing the limits. Sometimes passive resistance/evasion works better at discovering people's motives than mere conversation, which can be falsified. Actions speak louder than words.
     
  9. Blackthorn

    Blackthorn New Member

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    Pain is temporary, pride is forever
    Get a PO box and end all arguments...
     
  10. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Just tell them, "shit well I guess you won't be getting any Christmas/birthday presents then... if I can't ever do anything without you nosing in. Stop being so free with my stuff!"
     
  11. Carrots

    Carrots New Member

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    If your parents are anything like mine, taking evasive action will only make things worse. Instead, sit down with your parents and tell them that you'd prefer to open your own mail & packages, and if, in the future they could double-check the addressee on the package before they open it, that would be wonderful. Let them know that you understand their parental desire for being really involved in your life, but that you're not a little kid anymore and you deserve some privacy. Then strike up some sort of deal- Maybe you could open your own packages in your own time, and then you'll tell your parents what was inside. Or you could agree to warn them that you ordered something before the package arrives.
     
  12. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    If I was you I'd mail myself a HUGE butt plug or some anal beads or something...make sure it's clearly marked so once they open the outside wrapper they know immediately what it is. If they don't say anything, mail yourself something even worse (next should a "Home 'Split your Penis' kit" or something, then a fake prescription bottle of "Estrogen; prepare for your sex change") and keep getting worse until they say something......... then when you have their attention tell them how their opening your mail makes you feel.

    If that doesn't work, start opening theirs.
     
  13. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    Illegal? Who the fuck are you to tell your parents it is illegal for them to open your packages? It's not that you're incorrect, it is the justification that you are ignoring. They are your parents, you live with them, they raised you, spent money to raise your, loved you when you were a tird little crybaby, tried to provide you a future. You cannot come in and start mixing politics with family. Keep your worlds apart.

    I sense this isn't about them opening your mail. This is more of an issue that they want information on your life and you won't give it to them. I went through that silence stage. I know, you feel like you are stickin it to the man by not talking to your parents. Just stop, think before you talk, be mature.
     
  14. Tony Stark

    Tony Stark John McCain has an illegitimate mexican baby

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    their house their rules
     
  15. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    Bullshit. The parents are wrong.

    Respecting ones privacy should be taught at home and it begins at the highest level, parents/children.
     
  16. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    One other question for the OP: Do you pay rent, or submit any funds toward the household expenses? If yes, then I feel that it's definitely your right to complain to them about it. Technically, they'd be your landlords -- and it isn't like the landlord at a rental property or apartment is allowed to just randomly go through your stuff.

    Start paying a bit of rent to them, put a lock on your bedroom door, and tell them if they open any more of your mail/packages, you'll prosecute.

    Trump card.... I win. :fawk:
     
  17. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    If you get stuff shipped to you via UPS or FedEx a PO Box is useless, neither deliver to them.
     
  18. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    I agree with Johan.

    The parents have no right to open the packages but let's say that the parents have reason to suspect that the items inside are illegal or dangerous, or say the adult child had problems with buying prescription drugs or the like. I think then that they would have cause to ask you to open the box in front of them. Even that's iffy, but I could see their point in wanting to see the contents, it is their home.

    It sounds like they are just being nosy and you need to have a conversation with them. If they refuse, you need to weigh the good and bad of your situation. You obviously benefit by living with them or you would have moved out already.
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    They are paying the mortgage so they have a right to know anything that goes on in their house.

    You may not like it, you may think it's a violation of your privacy and it may anger you to no end. However, you do have a choice you can move out.

    Many parents have lost children to drugs and alcohol by trying to "respect" their childs privacy. They want to trust the kids to make the right choices and stay clean and sober. HOwever, these same parents, upon burying their child, lament the fact that they didn't intervene sooner.

    Your parents are intervening for a reason. It's most likely NOT because they just enjoy snooping....IMO there is another reason. However, until you grow up and start paying your own way in the world, this behavior by your parents is not tooo uncommon.

    Don't like it?? Fine move. Until then you don't have any right to privacy. You can rage at that all you want but it's the truth.
     
  20. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    My mom immediately opens all my mail that goes to her house. There's not a damned thing I can do to stop her. So I send shit to my place instead, even though this fucks up my "my condo is really an office," thing a bit.
     
  21. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Shit I've opened a few packages by accident that wasn't mine (PO puts it in my box by mistake).... it happens. This could simply be a case of carelessness like the parents said. Just sit down and talk to them like an adult.
     
  22. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    Yes I pay rent, I have a lock on my door, and I told them to not open anything ever again. I also have a PO Box now and they agreed they need to stop being so nosy, I am their "babygrrl" so that is why they acted that way :o

    All is ok now, but if snything else gets opened I am out :bigthumb:

    Trying to save for a condo FTW :bowdown:
     

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