SRS This is pretty hard...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by invids, Jan 18, 2008.

  1. invids

    invids Guest

    Hey guys, this is my first post in here so I hope I did this right. My shitty situation starts here http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3587133. From the start of it I realized that this girl was not for me, and if she was it will be really hard to make it work...but I'm stupid and 18 and just went with my feelings. Theres so many things this girl did that pushed my buttons I dont know where to start..basically she would spend more time with her ex than me, go out with her girlfriends..get drunk at a club or something and call me drunk telling me that this guy hit on her etc. She knew very well all this shit annoyed me and promised she would change some of her ways so we could work out...but obviously she stayed the exact same. She was also really complicated and made it difficult to hangout with her, but anywho I still went for it and it was pretty fun...till around new years.

    I had tried for about 2 weeks to plan something fun for new years for both of us. She ended up going to disney land with her ex and her friends (didn't invite me since it was a "last minute thing) then came and hungout with me at like 1am at my friend's party. Every fight we had was about her always flaking/being difficult/hanging out with her ex too much etc etc. We were fighting every other night until a couple nights ago when she tells me her ex told her "He's all trouble, I have a bad feeling about him, he thinks hes too cool for everyone" Just straight bullshit, which all she replied was "be nice I like him" I guess that night everything had built up from all the arguments and this just set me off and I really went off on her..fuck you fuck him you are no one to me anymore etc.

    I deleted her #/blocked her on myspace and threw out some pictures. Ever since that night though, I STILL feel like it was my fault and it could have worked out if I didnt fuck it up or go off on her. Deep down inside I know it wouldn't have gotten anywhere but I just cant get myself to believe it. I heard from some of her friends that she rebounded with her ex and they hangout now...I want to say it doesnt bug me and I dont care but it still does annoy me a little...I just feel like I fucked it up..lost her and now her ex gets to keep her. I know the normal response here would be just get distracted with something else and give it time and I have met a couple new girls since school just started but still no matter what I'm doing I still think about it.



    Any advice would be appreciated :hs:
     
  2. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    unfortunately battles against exs are usually not good. She doesn't seem to be over him and until then theres really nothing you can do. It looks like u made the right choice by walking away and i suggest you continue to do so and remain strong. Hit the gym and go out with some friends, you will feel better.
     
  3. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    I hope you learned. Don't bend backwards over a girl. Live your OWN life
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Dude, you are so much better off without this girl. It was obvious from your other posts that she was into her ex and kind of using you. I know that sucks but it’s true. You keep thinking there’s something you could have done but there really isn’t. If she wanted you she would’ve chosen you, but instead she talked to her ex all the time and chose him. He was always her main interest.

    We all told you in the Vag and were so proud of you when you told us you blocked her, deleted her number, etc. You’ve got to wake up and believe this is a good thing and move on man. Thinking about what could have been is even more ridiculous now than it was a few weeks ago seeing as how you’ve heard first hand she’s back with her ex. She's flighty, ignorant, and you are young. You’ll look back on this in 3 years and say “WTF was I thinking wasting my energy on her!?”

    Trust me and all of us when we say stop thinking about that girl. If anyone even mentions her you just say “I don’t care, I don’t want to talk about her.”
     
  5. iPost

    iPost OT Supporter

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    Invids,
    Sometimes girls like to play with your head or use you as their toys unintentionally, and this seems like that kind of situation. I think you aren't really interested in her, but more into letting her ex have her. She wants to be with her ex, and thats what she wants. She probably made the wrong choice because after all, you really don't seem like that bad of a guy. However, you cant get her to change her mind. If she wants to be with him, she will be with him. Let her go and find another chick who actually likes you for you, but doesn't use you for a rebound.
    I hope this helps,
    chaimo
     
  6. invids

    invids Guest

    Thanks everyone for the responses and chaimo...the thing is, she dumped her boyfriend when we met. He stayed in her life and they still talked/hungout..I mean she would talk to me on the phone and be calling me baby when she was in the car with him. If she wanted her ex she could have had it all along..but I understand the "more into letting her ex have her" and that is true, I guess I kind of want to see her as miserable as me :rofl: and it just bugs me seeing her just rebound that quick to her ex
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: I have to laugh even though I feel bad for you. You do realize she was IN THE CAR WITH HER EX and only calling you "baby" TO GET A RISE OUT OF HIM. Again, you were a pawn in her game. You need to get over this and realize she is not a nice person and learn for your future with women. Don't ever get involved with a girl again unless she is well over an ex and doesn't speak to them.
     
  8. invids

    invids Guest

    Okay :)
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You violated a lot of rules in this relationship. Let me show you my rules for each thing you've told me that you've done, or she did.

    • -- Never Settle. Settling down with one partner is fine, but never settle on anything that compromises your integrity when finding her. Appearances, goals, attitude - she must be compatible with you, so don't fit a square peg into a round hole.

    You crompromised and settled. You tried to fit a square peg into a round hole. Next time, don't do this.

    You're not stupid.

    Ok here are my red flag rules, let's compare them to your experience. Just match the numbers to the stentences you wrote:

    • -- Red Flags Avoid these people with these patterns: Abusive parents, abusive ex-husbands, abusive ex-boyfriends, alcoholism, drugs (1)hangs out/(6)talks to or talks about ex on first, second dates, negativity, (2)disrespectful, (4)confuses you, arrogance/condescending, Cheated in past, self-centered, (5)Breaks Dates, Makes excuses, lies, cusses a lot, (2)No Class, (6)Inflexible, (6)argues with you, (6)Distrusting, Bitter, Nags, gossips. (3)Women who say something, but their actions and body language reflect different signals. Women with low self-esteem, fixated on money, or have psychological problems, or psychiatric problems. Remember, life isn't fair. I personally fall into some of these areas, and I'd expect a female to be ruthless in cutting me off too if she felt I wouldn't be a good mate for her.
    Don't talk like that. You are responsible not seeing the red flags and for going against your better judgment, but not for her behavior.

    Of course she is. She's a user and a loser. Here is another rule from my list:

    • -- Be ruthless in cutting off losers, users, pro-daters, abusers and women with low interest, and low self esteem. Hard to imagine, but some women will date you even if they don't like you much. As long as they can tolerate you, and you're paying...hey it's a night out to them. Learn to cut them off.
    You aren't perfect sport, and you never will be. You made some errors, but now you won't repeat them.

    Here is another one of my rules:

    • -- Do not take disappointments and letdowns as failures, see them as results. You've learned another way how "not" to get the desired result, be appreciative, not negative.
    • -- Take big risks. Expect results you don't like at times. Anxiety and pain are apart of meeting the right person. Expect those you reject to call you names sometimes, or to get angry. If you were polite, then simply walk away with cold detachment.

    As you can see I've already gone through these experiences.
     
  10. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    • - Never date a girl who either just broke up with her ex, or who demonstrates grief or ongoing emotional connection to her ex.
    • -Never date a girl who talks about her ex, or continues to spend time with her ex.
    There is good news. One of my rules is also:
    • -- Never go back. When a relationship ends, cut it. If you go back: 1: She/He hasn't changed, 2: She'll/He'll do it again, 3: You're gonna get hurt somemore.
    So, chances are they're both in line for some more suffering. Hope that makes you feel better.

    Outro Old School Hip Hop Rap By Metallic Blue:

    Follow my rules you'll have mad chicks on your dick - licking it hard and quick like the third hand on a clock, tick tock, they don't stop. Now if you "don't" follow the rules, you'll find yourself alone, unknown, and hurt in a world where no girl wants your name, number or kiss, unless your wallet and dick is thick, and she's fiening for the semen, you see man, you see what I'm saying?

    I'm like that Rapping Lawyer from Arkansas. :o
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2008
  11. invids

    invids Guest

    read your posts a couple times now...thanks man :wavey:
     
  12. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You're welcome man, I've been there.
     
  13. invids

    invids Guest

    What did you do to help move on/forget her?
     
  14. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    seems to me like you've worked through the situation mentally, but haven't done so quite yet on an emotional level. if anything, you might be taking it as a hit to your ego. thinking that if you had done something differently, then the sitaution would've been different.

    it's good to think back and go over your missteps so that you do not repeat them in the future. however, in this case, your missteps are with letting her behave the way she did and accepting it. don't get caught up in what you could've done differently to keep her or make her pine over you instead of rebounding so quickly, that will get you no where. instead think about what you could've done in order to not reach this point.

    like i said, mentally, you've reached some sort of closure. accept the loss emotionally, take the ego hit, work through the emotion and you'll come through the other side just fine. don't just push it aside either. don't dwell on it, but ignoring it is not an option. it's better to invest a couple of hours/days/weeks in working through it than letting it fester on for the rest of your life.

    since you've worked through it mentally already, i think the only reason why it's still staying with you is that you're feeling bad about it. not about what happened, but how you behaved. you know that you should've behaved differently, but didn't. that's why it's lingering. face your demons, defeat them, and live a better life.
     
  15. TheMarchHare

    TheMarchHare OT Supporter

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    forget about her! sounds harsh, but regardless of situation, she obviously did not care enough to hold it together, and you providing majority/all of the effort in the relationship got on your nerves, and now that that pressure isn't around, you're missing the company, but trust, you get her to come around, give it another month or so and your sentiments will be the same.

    best thing for now, is not communicating with her, maybe for 2 months and see if you can stand the sight of her again. go from there.
     
  16. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I didn't forget, I just continued to face it, and I moved through it over the course of some time. I had to be willing to accept it, and that sometimes requires a little processing time.
     
  17. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    Flawless insight. :bowdown:
     
  18. StayLRG

    StayLRG New Member

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    there is a girl that i started hanging out with, my neighbor actually. i was into her at first, but then i realized she is stuck up on her ex. it's just not worth it with a girl like that. i really think you are better off without her. just my .02
     
  19. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

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    I agree with everyone's opinion here.

    Anyone who is just getting out of relationship or still hung up on their ex is really just looking for "the rebound" whether intentional or unintentional doesn't matter.

    I have not only been the victim of a rebound but also the cause. Both ended in disaster. However, it was a learning experience. You have to reflect on what happened here and LEARN from it as to not make the same mistakes again.

    As for "moving on"...well, that's going to take some time. Your ego and emotions have been bruised and bruises only fade with time. You're on the right track by eliminating all contact with her. You need to separate yourself completely from her, learn from the mistakes made in this relationship, realize your NOT stupid (just young and have to make mistakes in order to learn from them and grow as a person), then you can "move on".
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I know women...and that's exactly what she was doing. Poor guy. Hopefully he learns from this though.
     
  21. invids

    invids Guest

    Just an update for those of you who care..I heard around that the girl officially got back together with her ex which made me kind of wake up and realize I was her boy toy for 2 months while she took a break or whatever it was (girls are fucking horrible sometimes :rofl:) I've been doing better though and am slowly but efficiently moving on..I had met a new girl from school last week and I hung out with her last night and it really helped. I've read a lot of posts in here and the vag and realized its kinda dumb of me to be hungup over a 2 month thing when people are getting screwed over in 2+ year relationships. Anyways...another chapter closed.

    Thanks for all your help guys :wavey:
     
  22. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Thankfully you got a chance to see the signs.

    Glad to hear.

     
  23. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    You know, it's really comforting to read posts in here and realize that my problems are really not that uncommon, and that everyone goes through them.
     
  24. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    you want to move on??

    you think by deleting everything (numbers, photos, facebook..etc) you'll accomplish that?

    I was where you were, that doesn't work and you just need to give it TIME.

    Yes, there is no simple instruction to give you but riding it out. Let the mind heal with the help of friends and family. Don't jump into any relationships in the meantime.

    edit: now that i read your post, I relate entirely. I broke up with ex because of shitty relationship, she gets back with ex. The ex she did nothing but complain about.
     

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