GUN This is my first time so be gentle but I'm going to show you my meat :naughty:

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by THT, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    I don't usually show off my meat in public but, well, I just couldn't resist. Maybe it's because I've been up for 34 of the last 36 hours or I've finally inhaled enough aerosolized Magpur polymer but I'm feeling :naughty: and just have to share my meat with you.

    But let me preface the story first. I was laying down to take a much needed nap when the doorbell rang and my dogs going ballistic. I thought, "Hmm, UPS isn't supposed to deliver today and USPS has already come and gone...what could this be?" So slightly annoyed, I got out of bed and saw the big brown truck scurrying off before I could throw a couple dozen boxes of LR20 mags at the poor driver. I think I'm getting a reputation as "that guy" because he took off fast and it may have been a response to me flagging down a driver making a delivery in another subdivision yesterday as I was headed to the gym. But I digress.

    I open the door and rather than a brown cardboard box, I'm greeted by a white styrofoam affair that reminds me of something familiar but in my sleep-deprived state, I fumble with the memory and revert to asian Cro-Magnon (yes, we were Cro-Mags too, we haven't always been this awesomely evolved) and grab the package and lumber inside with it before anyone can challenge my ownership of this new-found porch treasure.

    I set it down on the coffee table and inspect the tag...MEAT! It's Omaha Steaks MEAT!

    [​IMG]

    I think, "Did my wife go and order this without talking to me? She knows better than to a) spend money and b) if we're going to eat dead animal, God knows I can pick the cuts better. The thought of beating her later in the week when she returns from servicing the angry midget of the north flits in and out of my mind as I continue to struggle with the origins of this fine animal carcass destined for my gullet.

    Now, still in Cro-Mag mode, I futz with the plastic wrapping. I pull and prod but it stretches. Damn you polymer chains. Then I remember that I can use tools. I reach for a knife and wouldn't you know it, I pulled out the goddamn bread knife. Now what the Hell am I supposed to do with a serrated blade meant to cut hard crust and this damn stretchy film? I ditch the bread knife with another mental note that the wife needs physical instruction in where the knives go and reach for a paring knife.

    SUCCESS! I have defeated the plastic wrap and open the lid to find my MEAT:
    [​IMG]

    Yessssss, bask in the glory of my meat. You can come closer to the screen...it won't hurt you...much.

    I hastily unpack the contents of the white box and knock it to the floor. Bad idea since there's dry ice in there and I have three very curious dogs who are now sniffing dangerously close to my MEAT (Calm down, Jeremy...there's no footage to get all excited about). I grudgingly right the box and I swear, I let out a grunt of sorts. As I continued to awaken, my mind must have evolved to the level of a Neanderthal and I was starting to communicate. Fascinating!

    [​IMG]

    At this point, I'm still left scratching my head as to where did this box of wonderful MEAT come from? It wasn't the wife (or so she claimed via text even under threat of physical abuse) and I sure as Hell knew my employer wasn't sending me something so glorious. Was it a supplier? I whipped out my phone (sorry if you got excited at "whipped out" and thought "MEAT :naughty:) and started to dial my primary supplier when the quiet voice of Reason mentioned, "hey, check the invoice." This miniscule mental utterance was quickly followed by Logic piping in with, "I'll bet there's a card...look for it!"

    I turn to my right and look for the lid; BLAST, the box is there. I look to the left; BLAST, three vultures in disguise. Finally, I look at my feet and there's the lid. Sure, the slight pressure from the mass resting on my feet would have been a dead giveaway but remember, I'm still mentally working at the level of an ape.

    I scan the label and sure enough, there's a card. "SHALOM" it reads on the cover. Now this had the equivalent effect of throwing a forged wrench in the gears of a clock tower. Momentarily, everything came to a grinding halt as my tired, de-evolved brain attempted to grasp: a) is "SHALOM" English and b) if so, WTF does it mean?!

    Then as though the wrench popped free of the gears it was halting, I realized, "WMD" :noes: Reading the contents of card brought a smile to my face that I haven't experienced in awhile and I can't articulate just how much this gift means to me. I sincerely appreciate all who contributed in any way, shape or form (this includes sending Brad decaying animal organs in lieu of the more commonly accepted paper currency).

    Thanks so much guys. Not just for the gift of meat (om nom nom nom nom) but for the support shown here as well as elsewhere on the interwebz.

    You guys rock.

    Ty
     
  2. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    Oh and don't think the significance of 6" of chocolate cake are lost on me :naughty:
     
  3. dpixel8

    dpixel8 New Member

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    :love: enjoy buddy. thanks from all of us on WMD.
     
  4. phrozenlikwid

    phrozenlikwid New Member

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    Meh...... happy to hear you like it. Be glad it wasn't up to me to decide what to send you.
     
  5. phrozenlikwid

    phrozenlikwid New Member

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    you azn jew bastard
     
  6. Did you decide not to send him that box of skunk entrails after all?
     
  7. THT

    THT The easy way is always mined

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    I'm still working through the first box he sent me over the summer. Didn't want the second batch to go bad.
     
  8. JRucker2004

    JRucker2004 New Member

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    butter knife! :rofl:

    Merry Christmas, man!

    I'm sure I'll buy something from you eventually. Hopefully soon :x:
     
  9. phrozenlikwid

    phrozenlikwid New Member

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    I really need to learn basic taxidermy..... I'm telling you, lulz would ensue
     
  10. Fire Sauce

    Fire Sauce New Member

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    Make me a steak woman
     
  11. dpixel8

    dpixel8 New Member

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    :bowrofl:
     
  12. dpixel8

    dpixel8 New Member

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    :rofl:
     
  13. I can imagine the creative positioning that would go on.
     
  14. dpixel8

    dpixel8 New Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  15. mstad

    mstad New Member

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    A++++ Thread, would read again.
     
  16. phrozenlikwid

    phrozenlikwid New Member

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    The sneakiest of them all. A ninja combined with jew. Shit's almost unholy.
     
  17. dpixel8

    dpixel8 New Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    i honestly didn't even realize that they made azn jews :dunno:

    [​IMG]
     
  18. bearsdidit

    bearsdidit OT Supporter

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    That's really awesome.
     
  19. GearHead

    GearHead Active Member

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    I didn't contribute :wtc: but thanks for everything you do for WMD, buddy. It's much appreciated. I wish Cable Guy hadn't have sucked off his boss the wrong way so you could have gotten that E2DL...but old habits die hard I suppose.
     
  20. Rip The Jacker

    Rip The Jacker New Member

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    Thats awesome, wish somebody would have told me :hs:
     
  21. Paul Revere

    Paul Revere OT Supporter

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    :wavey: no problem brotato!
     
  22. Keesh

    Keesh New Member

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    Glad ya liked it :)
     
  23. Paul Revere

    Paul Revere OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  24. kmad86

    kmad86 Swine Epidemic Survival Crew '09 OT Supporter

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    Is Omaha Steaks meat good? We used to get that shit from a lot of businesses that dad did stuff for. It always sat in the freezer. I bet they still get it... If it is, I am going to go rob some.
     

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