This guy is confusing me. Is he the one screwed up? :(

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Devilish, Mar 15, 2006.

  1. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Sorry this is long:

    I'd been seeing this guy for a few months and everything was fantastic. We saw each other three to four times a week, had loads of fun, no arguments, sex was great etc etc He has been nothing but honest with me about everything.

    He told me that his ex g/f from over a year ago had some stuff of his and was basically refusing to give it back. I told him to keep contacting her to get it.

    Last week I rang him and he blocked my call. I thought it was a bit odd but didn't worry. Then just before midnight he rang and told me that he'd been at his ex's house, to get his stuff and 'catch up'. He said he panicked when I rang and didn't know why he blocked the call. He said he had every intention of telling me he was going there, but thought it would be easier on me if he told me afterwards. He admitted he made a mistake, but I went nuts :( I was really nasty and I don't know why.

    The next day he said he couldn't bare hurting me and thought it would be better if we just remained friends. He said he wants me as his best friend. He said that seeing his ex made him realise he was 100% over her and he told her about me, but he didn't think it would work between us. He said there was nothing wrong with how we'd been going, he still has feelings for me and is attracted to me. He wants to keep seeing me, but only when he was satisfied I was over him so I don't get hurt any further.

    His reasons for thinking it won't work: 1) he doesn't think his mother will approve, because Im not a rich doctor :rofl: and 2) he doesn't think he can give me want I want, which is crap.

    He knows his line of thinking is wrong but he said he can't change :(

    I figure I have pushed him too much and over reacted and it has completely scared him. I don't know what to do though. I have given him space and I have told him that I AM over him. It's all just so weird and awkward right now.

    Then last night he turned up out of the blue to watch me play basketball. I don't get it.

    Can I get him back? :(:(:(:(
     
  2. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    and now I realise this is in the wrong subforum :(
     
  3. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    in my honest opinion it sounds like he cheated on you and doesn't want to continue with you because of it?
     
  4. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Nah, he would have told me if something had happened between them. He's over honest sometimes.

    I am thinking that even though he says he's over her, maybe he sees the possibility of something happening in the future and doesn't want to cheat, so that's why he's done it.

    My mind works like that. I think the worst of everything and most times its not true, esp with this guy

    I just don't know what I should do. Keep being friends, have some hope. He said he never says never :(
     
  5. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    You said you're over him but you obviously aren't.

    To me it seems a weird situation if he never "blocked" a call from you before. Why did he start then? Seems strange, but you going mental over something like that would put a big question over the whole relationship for me. I'd be thinking what would you do if something that was actually serious happened and how would you react?

    If I was in your position I wouldn't keep being friends with him as you obviously still like him. It will end up hurting you when you see him with other girls etc. Just give it space, if he comes back he comes back, if he doesn't just get on with life.
     
  6. Chipwich

    Chipwich Porno Mustache

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    Yes, he is the one who screwed up. You had every right to go off the handle at him because it probably would have been better if he answered then and there. Let him go for a while, let him figure out his priorities.
     
  7. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    I told him I was over him, but you're right, I'm not.

    He knows he should have answered Chipwich, and he did apologise. I just let it carry on for a bit too long :(

    He's not seeing anyone else and is not looking. He basically just wants to carry on as we have been but without being labelled "boyfriend/girlfriend" I think. He thinks that way he can't hurt me if there's no feelings.

    I guess I should just keep playing it cool and see what happens. I feel like a teenager all over again and it sucks
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :werd: Either he cheated or he decided he wants to hook up with her again.
     
  9. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    ^ 80% odds on one of these

    Typical idiot guy behavior, throw away the present over the past :uh:
     
  10. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    No, it's not that. He reconfirmed today. He has no interest in her whatsoever. She is seeing two other guys as it is. I'm pretty sure he would have told me if he had any kind of feelings for her.

    Still confused. He said PERHAPS he's made a mistake. Perhaps!?!?!?! :rofl:
     
  11. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    To al those that assumed the worse from him:
    It may even be true that he cheated, I dont know.
    But ..WOW, a lot of ASS-umptions about him cheating.
    OHH I am soo sorry that a guy can have a panic attack about not wanting to hurt some one.
    To all that assumed the worse of him, I am sorry you have had such screwed up realationships in the past. Dont you think its about time you got over them?


    Devilish:

    By taking your statements as you presented them, without jumping to conclusions either.
    He messed up by not telling you first.
    At that moment instead of trying to see things from his point of view, you over reacted.
    You both made some mistakes.
    I would make a guess that he freak out concerning your reaction.
    He may have thougth you both have a good non judgemental , non -reactionary realationship.
    Then you exploded.
    He took it on the chin about not calling, and he did make a mistake on that.
    And to accept your call while dealing with someone he had a realationship with prior would be rude,but he should have answered and said, "can I call you later"
    I would guess he is now wondering if any other even slightly questionable incidents occur if you will fly off the handle again and carry on.
    And if your freinds as well, he doesnt want to lose the freindship.
    I think you need to sit down and talk it over some more.
    appologize again about your flying off the handle, find out why you did it as well and coomunicate that, and state in a clear and presice manner what you want from this realationship and ask the same from him.
    I would also say that since you both can talk about stuff, that you should point out to him that most couples can't. That it is a good thing you guys can. Also that in life,you will have arguements, and that is natural.
    (sorry about spelling, only my second cup of joe)
     
  12. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I wouldn't assume he cheated... I said 80% odds based on the info given. Because it can and does happen. A lot. And that behavior I think should arouse suspicion, but not conviction by any means unless there is some more evidence.

    Just because he doesn't want to go back to her doesn't mean nothing happened. Maybe it wasn't even sex, but there was something he rightly feels bad about. I wouldn't expect him to be honest about cheating if he actually did it. Cause if he knows there is no going back to her, and he will lose you even if he is honest - because honesty or no it still happened - so it would be better to hope it blows over. Now I hope this isn't the case, but the possibility should not be discounted lightly.

    If you think you have enough in the bank to get over suspicion that may turn out unprovable with time, then go for it. And don't hassle him, just keep your eyes open.
     
  13. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Thanks.

    Darnit, that helps a lot. I am seeing him tonight so I will see what happens. I really think he's closed up to the idea of being anything more than friends though
     
  14. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    not to take away from devilish, but wow you think 80%? sorry to hear you have had such bad experiances to think it's that high of a number. You have my sympathy.
    I would have given it a a lower number. Becuase I know that if I am going to "get some" it wouldn't have been done in such a stupid manner. IE block the phone, tell her where I was after, etc.
    Hell, I would have turned my cell off and then called later from a lan line. "Hey you didnt call, and I notice my phone is acting weird"," So I thought I would call you" etc..

    Sorry to hear that. But sometimes, that all you can be.
    Move on if so. But not all of us guys are assholes(or at least anymore),so don't jump down our throats :)
    and good luck
     
  15. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    "Cheated" not necessarily meaning intercourse... but something physical and highly inappropriate. You may be right that 80% is too high, but then again there wasn't a lot of info to go on, and almost all of it was suspicious. And I don't take anyone's word for anything in a situation like this; the temptation to lie if the worst is true is far too great.
     
  16. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    I think I will just be happy being friends then. He has a lot to give, and he's good for me. He says I am good for him too, but I don't think he is ready to hear complete honesty. He's in denial about a few things I think.

    I don't think all guys are assholes, and I would never blame them all for my past experiences with men. I'd just like to find Mr Right.
     
  17. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    good call, and great attitude.
    I dont know how old you are, but untill I was about 27 , I was just looking for Mrs Right-now.;)
     
  18. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    he needs to grow a pair and not worry about who his mother will approve or not.
     
  19. MossMan813

    MossMan813 New Member

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    Sounds like something where he wants the best of both worlds. I was in a similar situation where I loved being single after getting out of a long relationship, but then someone came along who I could see myself in a relationship with. Now, I wasn't really ready to settle down with the title along with and basically did the half assed thing that sounds like your going through now. She ended up fucking up so it didn't work out anyway, but that could be the mindset he's in, especially if he recently broke up with the ex and it was a long relationship. My advice is to wait it out if you think he's worth it, and he will eventually wake up and realize that he wants to be with you when he's ready, or will decide to end it all and be single completely. You have to be able to be willing to deal with either scenario though. Sounds like you're a great girl with a great attitude, just keep YOUR options open in the meantime as well because I don't think waiting for only one person is ever the right way to handle a situation. Good luck!
     
  20. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    I've been in this position in the past. Let me tell you what this translates to in guy terms. You aren't girlfriend material for me right now. I'm sorry to say it so bluntly but that is the direct translation for guys. Best bet is to move on and find someone who thinks of you this way. This might lead to heartbreak for you so dont hold your breath trying to make something of this. :hs:
     
  21. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Um, I don't know how old you are, or how deeply you two have gotten involved...but unless you're absolutely 100% OK with keeping things the way they were without the bf/gf label...you're being used.
     
  22. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Late 20s here. He split with his ex over a year ago and they were only together for 4 months. I was his second relationship. I think that says a lot.

    I saw him last night. It was as though everything was as it was before except he didn't kiss me goodbye.

    I didn't feel anything seeing him. I think my subconscious is holding me back so I don't get hurt.

    It's all for the best, so I'm just going to keep being his friend but keep myself available for other opportunities.

    Thanks for your input
     
  23. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Why hold out for someone who just kind of likes you? Don't you deserve someone who is crazy about you? You should get back no less than you put into it, otherwise you aren't being fair to yourself. ;) The sparks are either there or their not.

    He's basically said he wants you there but not committed, it sounds to me, all you have is something purely about physical. Don't let him use you.

    Someone who honestly truely cares doesn't let you go regardless of who tells them they approve or not or what they're going through. If he's not up for it... BACK AWAY. I was in a relationship once just like this. We are still friends but his intentions were completely about him. I admit he's not the greatest friend in the world to have but it's done and I'd rather have that than a bitter ending. We have mutual friends and hang out on occassion. :dunno:

    He seemed and still seems to genuinely care about me as a person but he didn't treat me well. He used what feelings I had for him to his advantage. Told me just enough to keep me around but keep the wall there and things open ended for him. It took a long time to come out of the denial that as much as he said "Eventually. Just give it time and let it grow and build. I'm just not ready because I"m still dealing with my breakup and I don't know how long it will be." it was never going to happen.

    I kind of agree with the others though. I think this has to do with the ex. Even if it doesn't he's wanting to play in other pastures. You owe yourself more than to hold out for this guy.
     
  24. Jennipher

    Jennipher Dontcha know OT Supporter

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    In my opinion you are leaving yourself open to be hurt by continuing to see this guy. I'm not saying that you're lying or anything, but its very unlikely you went from having a great relationship with this guy for months to feeling nothing in a matter of days. My guess would be you're denying your feelings.

    You had every right to be upset that he went and met with his ex and told you nothing about it. And the fact he didn't mention it to me raises a BIG red flag. The fact that he breaks it off with you immediately after raises another. He may say he one thing, but his actions are saying something completely different.
     
  25. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Which brings us to Relationship Rule #1 (with a big fucking BULLET):

    • Words mean nothing. Actions mean everything.
     

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