this girl or that girl?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Mad Mike, Dec 30, 2007.

  1. Mad Mike

    Mad Mike (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer

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    ok so i dated this girl on and off for like 7 years, we broke up and about 2 months ago we randomly met up and now we're back together. Fact of the matter is, Back when we dated before i was the bitch basically, i was a softy and i got walked all over. Since then i've become way more independent and not so nice. I'm now dating this girl again and she complains that she wants the old me and that i'm not the nice caring guy i was before. From getting fucked over i've become a completely different person and I honestly cannot be THAT guy anymore. We act as if we're married, argue all the time and she calls me every day when shes in a horrible mood. I have to deal with a bunch of BS and shes basically never in the mood for sex. She is very loyal but shes fuckin nuts and has lost all of her sexy and attractive qualities that i used to love. I dont want to destroy her or make her feel like shit but theres this other girl that is all up on my nuts that i like but more for fun than relationship wise. I'm pretty sure now that i dont want a serious relationship like i thought i did, but i dont want to hurt her feelings. Theres way more to it but i'm drunk right now and most of this probably already doesn't make any sense so i'll leave it there and answer questions as they come i guess. Basically i just dont know what to do and i dont really like being alone with my hand every night. I love said girl but i dont think its gonna work cause i'm 22 and im not having any fun whatsoever. HELP?
     
  2. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    "On and off" is the biggest red flag of all time. People who keep breaking up and then settling for each other again and again are not right for each other, but they have some kind of personal issue that keeps them from moving on, or they can't find other people to date, so they regress back into a bad, unhealthy situation.

    What's happening here with her wanting the "old you" is probably that she misses not being able to run the show. She may have a pretty selfish attitude, although that's not all her fault because you trained her to be that way by acting like a doormat at the beginning of your relationship.

    What you're facing is not a choice between two women so much as a choice between staying in or leaving a bad relationship. You deserve credit for caring whether you hurt her, but you also have to know that this isn't good for either of you to keep up this sham. You've already said you are sick of her, but you seem to need some kind of shove to detach yourself from her.



    *SHOVE*
     
  3. Mad Mike

    Mad Mike (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer

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    Your absolutely right, i was completely a doormat before, And now she thinks i'm an asshole because i dont do "nice" things for her anymore. I'm trying but i'm just not that person anymore and (Forgot) how to treat her like a princess. I love her to death but i'm not interested in making myself a pushover again. If she could learn to deal with me the way i am (after all she made me this way) and could be less motherly like things would be fantastic. Shes always tired and never wants to be around lots of people , she just wants to be with me alone but whenever we make plans she always backs out cause she gets caught up with her own shit. its a never-ending story of how much shit she dealt with that particular day but shes never happy. and that makes me unhappy , i'd love to help her but theres nothing i can do to change it. she wants to move in together but i think its a downhill battle, and would only get worse from there. i'm not ready for the "after marriage" effects before i even marry anyone. i just don't know how to bring it up and tell her. I feel as though i've been looking for reasons lately to break up with her but can't force myself to do it because i dont want to make a big mistake, or lose someone i love and have loved for a long time.:noes:
     
  4. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I think you are seeing a lot of value where it doesn't exist. Yeah you have history and you're "comfortable" being with this girl cause it's the status quo, but you said it yourself... neither of you are happy. What are you really losing except a nostalgia-seasoned turd sandwich that you happen to be used to eating? You're right, you can't fix problems by stepping it up a notch, that's just digging the hole deeper.

    You have all the reason you need to break up. You aren't happy being with each other, you've broken up time and time again before, probably for all the same reasons. I know it sucks cause it feels like you have so much invested to just end up quitting, but the alternative is more misery and more years of your life wasted on something that's never gonna really work, when you could be going out there trying to find some real happiness (and so could she, for that matter).
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You've been dating on and off since you were 15. You change a lot over the course of 7 years, especially during those ages. This is why most people find it a joke that people get married young, because people are usually bound to change and their partner might not like the new you. In your case you grew out of being walked all over by women, good for you. I doubt you are no longer nice, you just aren't her doormat anymore and sadly that's what this girl wants.

    I'll admit, I am a control freak and love to be bossy but my SO complements that by letting me take charge sometimes but not always. The point that I'm trying to get to is you and this girl will never work in the long run. You are young and have been wasting years getting back together and trying to salvage something that is broken. You fight costantly, you want each other to be a different SO. The point is, you should only love someone for exactly who and what they are. Too many people "fall in love" with someone and try to change them into what they want out of a bf/gf, and that is why those relationships always fail.

    You are not happy. You need to get out of this relationship for good and start your life. You are 22 years old and should be having a great time meeting plenty of other women! Seriously, do yourelf a favor: end the relationship for good and cut her off for a while otherwise you're liable to just get into old habits that are comfortable and get back together again on and off for another 7 years.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I love how every thread is "I'm so unhappy in my relationship, but I don't want to hurt her feelings"!

    Just end it already. She sounds like a bitch. Yes her feelings will be hurt, but guess what? It's impossible to break up and not have anyone have hurt feelings.

    People get dump/edrejected. Most of them get over it.
     
  7. Mad Mike

    Mad Mike (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer

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    thanks for the opinions guys and girls. I suppose when i talk to her today that i'll have to spit it out. oh man it's gonna be tough
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's never easy. But you have to do what is right for you and what will make you happy. In the long run you will look back and be so glad you just did it. Then be upset at yourself for wasting so much time. But generally come back to not regretting it and just being glad you moved on :hs:

    Just be sure, once you break things off you need to tell her that you two need to not talk or see each other at all for a while, otherwise you'll never really get over each other. If you read this forum you'd see how common it is for people to break up and keep talking to one another, and shit never gets resolved and people never move on.

    Be strong and cut off all contact so you can get out there and meet other girls.
     
  9. Mad Mike

    Mad Mike (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer

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    ill give it a go, i have so many reasons why to do it , and so little why not to. Right now i know exactly what to tell her but when it actually comes time to do it i know im gonna not know how to explain myself. But what has to be done will be done, plus i invited this other girl to my house for new years because i knew my GF would somehow flake out. Sure enough yesterday i asked if she was coming for new years and she said "im not sure ill let you know what my plans are" ----sorry but if she was that interested in the relationship she would have been more than happy to come amirite?
     

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