SRS thinking about getting my own place, but need some advice

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by quamen, Jul 2, 2009.

  1. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    I have a ruff decision to make, and would really appreciate anyone's opinion. I recently just graduated college with a BA degree, but i am 27 years old. I don't have a job in my field criminal justice/sociology, but own my own seasonal business for the past 6 years. I make decent money during 6-7 months of the year , like 700-800 a week. I still live at home with my parents and it drives me nuts. I feel like a loser, and haven't even went out on any dates with girls because i am so embarrassed by my situation of living under my parents roof. I found small apartments for 550 a month with utilities included, but i don't know if i can swing it. I had my college loans deferred, but they were like 350 a month. Seems like even after i get a job, i wont be able to afford a house,so why not start to rent now.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I had the same situation, i didn't leave my parents house because i had no one in my life, what i did was get a partner, from there my partner was the one who dragged me out of my 'safe life' from my parents, and now i live independently.

    I don't think you should feel like a loser, college life takes long, and as a result people leave their parents house a lot later then they used to do. My parents started working at 14 years of age, so this makes them roll out of their homes a lot faster, especially because my fathers home situation was bad, so you get a lot of stigma ,uneccessary because their lives were just different, you are in a different generation and things go a lot more different financially and lifewhise for you. So just throw your 'shame' out of the window, get a partner and if asked just say you still live, but for finishing college reasons and now that you are done want to get out of your parents house as soon as possible.
     
  3. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Don't feel embarrassed bro. Your situation is common today. It's perfectly fine given the context and plans you've got.
     
  4. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    not to take this in the relationship direction but if you're worried what a girl is going to think about a man that just graduated college and is in a transitional period getting his life on the right track, then that girl isn't right for you.

    Get out there and start dating, the girl is going to like you whether or not you're at your parents house. If not, move on.

    On the financial side of your question, your rent shouldn't exceed that of 1 weeks pay. So if you're making 3200/month for 7 months then you should be looking in the 450/range...so find a roommate.
     
  5. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    Not going to lie to you. Living on your own can be a bumpy ride starting out, but consider getting a room mate or even room mates!! I live by myself and prefer living by myself, but if you are not sure about your employment situation in the off season, start with some room mates to cut expenses. You can do it. You sound like you have your priorities in order. No need to be embarassed about your living situation. It's not uncommon and people who were thought they could be independent find themselves relying on others in their time of need so don't sweat it ;)

    Also, consider getting A job instead of looking for a job in your field if that doesn't materialize soon. That might help cut down on expenses as well
     
  6. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    living by yourself > living with your parents.

    move out, even if you are dirt poor.
     
  7. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    worst advice ever.

    If I could have squeezed another year or so out of living with my parents I would have.

    Saving > Rent
     
  8. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    yeah, if i got along with my parents, i would have lived there for a few years while working full time and saving money.

    TS, since you have loans, if you can handle living at home and pay down the loans as much as you possibly can, you will be in a better place when you eventually do move out on your own, and its always good to be out of debt

    if you meet a girl who cant understand that, shes not the right chick for you. i would find it a positive thing if a guy i was thinking of dating was being responsible and taking advantage of the money saved to pay down debt.

    on the other hand, if you cant stand living with your parents, then think about roommates. they help cut down costs a lot
     
  9. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    Depending on how cool your parents are I guess. Mine are super godly religious freaks. No thx.
     
  10. Sh4dow5

    Sh4dow5 New Member

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    Stay at home as long as possible until you get your life set up.....and if you need to get out that bad just join the military or something.
     
  11. jim1234664

    jim1234664 New Member

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    yeah but then uncle sam is your dad
     
  12. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    I don't think this is the best time to be joining the military
     
  13. uneek

    uneek OT Supporter

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    why not help your folks out with the house? help them fix stuff, maintain the place, give them a little money, etc.? then it's your house as well. that should get rid of any shame you have living there. if you get along w/ your folks and there's enough room then frankly there isn't a pressing reason to move out. I think most people feel this way. it's not as if you're freeloading
     
  14. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    thanks for the advice guys/. i get along actually very well with my parents, so that isnt the problem. I guess just some of my friends live alone, but they didnt go to college either so they have no debt. I am trying to save,but it seems pretty hard to do so. I do help around the house with garbage, cutting down tree, landscaping and other duties os they appreciate that. hopefully ill be able to soon secure a good job.
     
  15. disley

    disley Ooooh no it isn't. Ooooh yes it is. OT Supporter

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    I don't think any time is right to join the military.
    But saying that, the guy studied criminal justice.
    If anyone needs help in that field it's the military.
    Stay at home, it's pointless leaving if your parents are ok with you living there.
    Help them by paying for yourself and your share of everything, I'm sure they'd appreciate it, and you'll get into the habit of budgeting your money for when you do move on.
    There's no need to be embarrassed telling girls you live at home, if you find the right one she'll understand.
     
  16. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd:

    i dated a few guys that lived with their parents... some were more lenient than others, if you know what i mean. ;)

    :dunno: have you ever lived on your own, quamen? it's hard to go from living by yourself to living with your parents. i can speak from experience. i miss my own things :hs:.
     
  17. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    The answer to this varies by person. You have two choices here. Either you can make yourself understand that what you are doing is okay and nothing to be ashamed of. Or you can get your own place. You will have to do one of these, as it is you are ashamed and you are not giving yourself permission to live your life and do the things you want to do (like going out on dates). I won't lie, most girls will prefer that you have your own place; at the same time, you can overcome that if you believe in yourself and the wisdom of your own decision strongly enough. The only problem is that right now you have neither. You live at home and you have a belief that it is pathetic and shameful to do so. No matter what, you need to change one of these things.

    All that said: You should be able to afford the apartment. You just need to create a budget. It would be cheaper to get over it, but not everybody can do that, and there is in any case a lot to be said for living on your own. Don't be discouraged by people telling you you're flushing your money down the toilet in rent. Everything in life is a tradeoff.
     
  18. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    thanks for the additional replies. No i have never lived alone, but i know it wouldnt be a problem. I had a more tough child hood, so i raised myself actually when i was younger in a way, quite the opposite thing to do . I am more self conscious of what others think of me, then the problem at hand. My idea is to own a small starter home, that is what im trying to save for. seems hard to save especially on my salary if i do get an apartment, unless i land a very good job.
     
  19. Godspeed

    Godspeed New Member

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    You'd be surprised by the things you'll miss when you leave home that makes things more difficult. When I finally moved out last december, it was rough coming home to a empty house, no lights on etc. And it hit me that no one is going to be there tomorrow either. or the next day. or the next. Even though my home life while living with my folks was turning into hell (main reason why i left in addition to your reasons of being self conscious, etc), I was surprised by the things I ended up missing that I never noticed before while at my parents.

    but it's been real tough making the transition. I graduated in december, moved out the next week and got the talk from my boss that may lose my job the next week. i had my hours cut and i couldn't get an interview anywhere for months. i took cold showers in january because i wasn't sure if I would have the rent money come the 1st so i left my water heater off to save on gas. it probably didn't make a big difference but i didn't know what to do.

    what i'm getting at is the moving out on your own is a serious undertaking, unless you're independently wealthy. its not going to be easy and you're going to be forced to make some real changes in your lifestyle. is it worth it because you don't want some dumb girl, who isn't even worth your time, thinking a certain way about you? if you like your parents, stay at home. there's nothing wrong with living in their house until you get more cash and/or a partner to make the move with. I would have loved to have had a girlfriend when i moved out (or even now) who could be my partner in crime. would make a huge difference.

    bottom line: get the cash and the girl before you make your move.
     
  20. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    even with the cash, if you don't have an infinite supply of it, you will run out. make sure if you do in fact have limited supply, that there is a way to replenish it. Talking from experience-I had a butt load of money, but silly me, I forgot I would need a job too. It got just as bad as you having to take cold showers.


    You know what I wish I would have done? Let my decision to move out sit in my head for some time. Instead of just waking up one day and deciding that come graduation I would be the fuck out of my parents house (moved out 2 weeks after graduation). Time is always going to be the same, only if enough of it passes, you could end up better off instead of caught learning a lesson due to making a haste decision.
     
  21. Kafka

    Kafka New Member

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    I've moved back in with parents for brief periods of time (1-2 months)...I like officially moved out at 18 for undergrad, but for some summers i moved back in unless I was working.
    I think minority cultures are especially more accepting of adult offspring still living at home from time to time, especially when it's just preparation for a certain substantial goal like saving enough money to rent your own apartment, summer before grad school....or, if you're a girl, waiting to get married lol.

    I don't think you should be too embarassed, especially in today's day and age. Some sociologists think the new adulthood is actually at 22-25 rather than 18-19 as it once was.

    You can still talk to girls without feeling self-doubt, just mention it and give her your very valid reason of why you're still living at home and bam fingers in the pussy son.

    Remember this advice when asking a girl out, bro: only the right ones say yes.
     

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