SRS Thinking about ending the relationship

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by zameil, Apr 16, 2009.

  1. zameil

    zameil OT Supporter

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    I'm going to put this as simple as possible as to keep whatever emotions out of it.
    So, the good
    I've been seeing this woman for about 3 months,
    We can talk about anything for hours and we often do.
    She has 2 daughters, 12 and 18
    I have a daughter 13
    They all get along
    We talk and act like a "family" should and for the most part it feels good, but it's only been 3 months.
    Every Sunday the girlfriend and I go to breakfast on our own

    The bad
    I'm just not sexually attracted to her. She pointed out all her flaws and she was right. Since that time I've got to concentrate like a mofo just to perform in the sack.

    She's a nester, by that I mean nearly OCD style clean freak (I live "user friendly", my place is tidy, not overly messy and we do the laundry once a week,house choirs get done, if you don't clean that coffee cup straight away no biggie, it will get done later). I live an open lifestyle.

    Me, I work hard during the week and on the weekend if I want to go out I go out and to hell with the dusting, it will get done.

    Her, clean the house,do the choirs and if there's any time then go out.

    She plans the fuck out of everything and if it doesn't go according to plan then shit hits the fan, example, I bought dinner the other night and told her that after dinner we would go out for a night walk. instead I fell asleep on the lounge. When I woke up she was so dirty and gave me such attitude I ended up going home.

    I told her that I was going to clean my garage out over the weekend, then it rained and my mate came over so we had a few beers and it didn't get done, Holy shit, all hell broke loose AT MY HOUSE!!!

    The ugly
    She booted the eldest daughter out because she took the youngest two shopping and bought a game. Then proceeded to have a massive fight over the rules. Granted the argument was stupid but in the girlfriends mind the eldest daughter took time from her because the youngest two were sposed to be cleaning the house.


    Theres a shitlload more but I'm not going into finer points.

    So Should I tell her it's off before it goes long term? or should I man up and jump on her about or differences?
     
  2. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    To be quite honest although she may be a tiny bit more practical and planning oriented than your used to, you sound like you're a bit of a slob, just a bit... Guess you're just incompatible. If you're a man, and you say you will do something, you DO IT. That's it, plan n simple.

    If you're not physically attracted to her, that's a diff story.. Move on
     
  3. zameil

    zameil OT Supporter

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    I agree, even by my own admission I'm a bit of a slob, but the house does get clean. It would be a different story if my place was filthy.
    Stuff gets done, just sometimes not when I say it would.

    The bed thing, hmm dunno what to do there.
     
  4. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I think this has more to do with you not sticking to your word, this will not work in ANY relationship. If you say you will do something you do it, if you say you will take her out you do it, or you let her know you are feeling tired. If you say you will clean something you do it... :hs:
     
  5. Bbrrrrraaappp

    Bbrrrrraaappp New Member

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    I can understand her maybe getting a little upset about him not taking her on a walk when he said he would, but she also has to understand he was tired, and I'm sure he didn't mean to fall asleep on her, sometimes these things just happen, she needs to be able to let the little stuff go. There is no reason for her to get upset with him because HE didn't clean HIS garage. Have you ever tried to reorganize and clean a garage while it's raining out? It makes the task much more difficult.

    To me it already sounds like this relationship is doomed, she a clean freak, you're more relaxed with cleaning. She has to have everything planned to a t, you're more spontaneous. I'm not saying that it can't work, I'm just saying it's going to add a lot of stress to your life, especially if you're already having these kinds of thoughts and problems three months into the relationship.

    You not being physically attracted to her is my biggest thing that makes me want to say get out of there, as shallow as this sounds, you have primal instincts, you're going to want someone you're attracted to, if she's not it, and you're having these problems I say get out and save yourself from more future headaches.
     
  6. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    it just sounds like you are not compatible. if thats the case, there is no point in trying to jump on her about any difference. this is who she is, this is who you are, and maybe they just dont mix.
     
  7. jizzmo

    jizzmo New Member

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    Sounds like you two are opposites. Move on.
     
  8. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Great.

    It's over. One of my official rules that I post in the Asylum is this:

    [FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]-- Never Settle. Settling down with one partner is fine, but never settle on anything that compromises your integrity when finding her. Appearances, goals, attitude - she must be compatible with you, so don't fit a square peg into a round hole.
    -- If you're not interested for any reason in her, don't debate it, don't empathize, don't pity her, don't explain it to her -- simply end it with tact and walk.
    [/FONT]
    I tend to clean things up immediately, my girlfriend is more like you. She's not a pig, but a little messy.

    Again, I clean up, she doesn't. Opposites attract though, these are superficial things when core issues are in-place.

    Again, I'm the planning type. When I make a promise or commitment, I keep it at all cost unless there is something absolutely critical that prevents me from doing so, including illness, family emergency, or other serious events.

    Again, it's just an individual difference. You lack compatibility, that's all.

    If it was at your house, then it's none of her business -- but women do judge you based on your "bachelor" lifestyle. For them, it matters, but it shouldn't matter in such a way that they get angry, upset or otherwise create any form of conflict. If they want to take a mental note, or say something inoffensive like "I can help you clean up if you like," That's fine.

    I wasn't there, but I imagine that she and her kids had a pattern long before you came along, and you just don't fit -- square peg, round hole.

    End it, just like my rule says, and do it without explanation. If you end it, she'll ask questions. If you answer those questions with logic and good reasons, she'll just ask more questions until finally she gets upset -- because that's the whole point to begin with. She's upset and wants to get more upset -- since you hurt her. She's just will look for a reason to justify why "you're to blame for hurting her" if your answers finally become convoluted.

    It's a bit like a child asking why something happens, and then you answer and they say "Why?" Then you answer again more indepth and they say "Why, Why, Why, Why." So, I don't answer questions, I just say the truth.

    I gradually collect my things privately -- piece by piece from her house -- BEFORE I end it -- then when I've got my things in order, I call or visit and say "I'm no longer interested in dating you, I am grateful for the time we have had together. Take care of yourself."

    Then I hang up. If she calls back, I don't answer. She can leave messages on my machine. If they are pertinent, I will take care of it (Such as, can I get my things back, etc).

    If it's in person, as soon as I finish speaking, I listen for a moment, and then I say that I must leave and I turn around and walk right out, even if she yells or throws a fit.

    I've found, there isn't a more effective way (in my opinion), so that's how I've learned to do it.
     
  9. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    You aren't sexually attracted to her, then move on. Also it seems like you two are just not compatible. She likes her day planned out, and you just go with the flow.
     
  10. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i stopped reading there. drop the RS.
     
  11. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    amen! :rofl: the issue is not at all cleaning.

    however, you mentioned that you're not sexually attracted to her. why not? is this recent and/or in light of your current issues?
     
  12. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    If you're getting annoyed with her because of her nitpickiness then your sexual attraction towards her will diminish even more.

    Plus, it's only been 3 months. You two are supposed to be enjoying the relationship to the fullest at this point.

    I say get out.. you obviously want to and it's better to do it sooner rather than later.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    It's only been 3 months, and you're no longer happy with her. No need for the long ass post and explanation, that's all you need.

    End it.
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Its essensial to be on the same frequency in the relationship, you two are so out of tune that it will be a never ending story of fighting and conflicts, been there done that, so id put up a red flag.
     

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