SRS Think I hit rock bottom

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bounty_hunter, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. bounty_hunter

    bounty_hunter New Member

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    My friend past away a week ago today, he was a very close friend. He introduced me to music, motivated me, he was like the big brother I never had. I cherrish people who are important to me because I'm very alone, most of my family is dead and the ones who aren't, well they didn't care enough to even come to my fathers funeral so they are dead to me.

    Here I am a week later, haven't been able to sleep for more then 20 minutes. What keeps me sane is some good music I stumbled across before he died. I feel that I'm the lonliest person on earth, while I lay there in my bed staring at the ceiling I try to make sense of life itself...why am I so unlucky? Do I have a purpose? I used to think that I am living for my friends and family who have died in the past..but the thought has drifted away.

    A teacher once said that in concentration camps when people lost the will to live they died. If it's true why haven't I? I don't believe in suicide but I hope that I can die in my sleep every night I lie down. I'm not a Masochist by all means, I know that there are worse off in life but that doesn't make me feel better, just makes me feel weaker.

    Sorry to go on such a rant, it's like 5am here and no one to even talk to, not about my problems since I'm not open towards my friends but something to pass the time, to stop me from thinking so much. Haven't really had any human contact except for the wake today and the funeral tommorrow, maybe closure will help out a bit.

    Horrible thing to say but sometimes I envy those drug users and alcoholics because they have a method of forgetting, ontop of that I think way too much, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think there really is a solution for this, but even before this death I have been feeling this way, this was just the catalyst to drive me rock bottom.

    I am very greatful for the asylum.
     
  2. zeroxt

    zeroxt New Member

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    I am sorry for your loss. No one can replace your friend but I'm sure there will be people that will come into your life fill it up again. If you are willing, you can try to reconnect with family members (even though they didn't go to your father's funeral). Sometimes we have to forgive others. This life is short my friend, and we can't live it holding grudges. If those family were close to you in the past, they won't forget about you.

    Don't give up, there is so much to live for. There are so many places to visit, things to do, sights to see, activities to experience and much more. Don't give up hope. Find a girl/guy and just have fun. It doesn't have to be the opposite sex, just find someone out there who you can go with to experience all that is life.
     
  3. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Time heals all. Nobody will ever replace your friend, but you'll learn to forge new relationship that serve a similar function. Swing with what you have now. A week is nowhere near enough time to get over close grief - we're programmed with the process for a reason.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You're depressed. Very clearly so.

    It's going to take a while, and you might want to see a counselor if your depression worsens, and your suicidal ideation increases.

    When it lifts though, think on this: the kind of big brother/mentor/cool guy that your friend was for you....BE THAT FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

    Pass on the legacy. You see what a great influence it was having someone solid, someone cool, someone great around you.

    Be that. Live that.

    You'll find that, in service, lies salvation. And I'm not talking religion.
    Good luck to ya.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Mostly try to cherish the time, look at what you did enjoy qua time with your loved ones, and think of it this way, if it where the other way around would you like to see people grieving over your death for years and years? Of course you wouldn't , so instead of dying for your friend start living for him.

    However take all time that you need to cope with your loss, try to fill in the gap in searching new true friends to forfill your life, although he can never be replaced maby you can find someone significant and find something interesting to do while you are here on earth.

    There's 6 billion people out there, although it takes effort you don't have to be alone.

    Again take your time to deal with this :hug:
     
  6. bounty_hunter

    bounty_hunter New Member

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    It's not that, I know they wouldn't want me to be so down for so long but I mean whats the point of getting close with anyone? It seems as though everyone I care about at one point or another leaves me not through death but *poof* gone..

    Said my goodbyes today, he seemed peaceful, this is my third friend gone in 4 years, how sad is that? I mean I usually say "hey thats life" to try to look strong in front of my friends but life really bothers me.

    Well anyways thank you for the kind words everyone, I appreciate your time replying to my thread :)
     

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