Things that make or break long term relationships

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ForgottenSpiral, Dec 15, 2008.

  1. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I pose this question to any and all who have been in and are in long term relationships. What things make someone worth staying with? What things are worth leaving over? It can be something personal to you or something you concider to be universal.

    Examples: Do your partner have to be funny? What if they are poor? How about if they are Catholic? Do you need the freedom to flirt with others? Are you okay with the man being a stay at home dad? Etc.

    List your "must haves" and "deal breakers"!
     
  2. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Must be able to compromise.
     
  3. Gibles

    Gibles the funny thing about my back is....

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    trust
    communication
    lust
     
  4. lamour

    lamour New Member

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    must have communication, and in the you have to want the same things.
     
  5. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    Deal breakers for me are: cheating, abusive, controlling, don't give a shit about me, or have entered friendzone and I have absolutely no attraction towards them.

    Must have: able to communicate, trustworthy, sense of humor, focuses more time with me than with other womenz (cause I get jealous :o), not able to become "pussy whooped" because I like a manly man. :hsugh:
     
  6. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    My list (probably incomplete and subject to change):

    Must Haves:
    Physically attractive
    Honest/open communication
    Open to having children
    Willingness

    Deal Breakers:
    Not enough sex (I'm currently trying to figure out exactly what that means)
    Cheating
    Drinks/uses drugs/smokes


    I'm also not sure how important common interests are. My SO and I enjoy a lot of the same things (movies, party games, etc.), but I'm really into philosophy and she is really not into it. I don't think it's a dealbreaker, but it is something I wish we shared. I could see it potentially becoming a dealbreaker when I go back to school to hopefully get my doctorate. :hsugh:
     
  7. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Musts:
    Open Communication
    Willing to try new things
    Honest

    Deal Breakers:
    Cheating
    Lying
    Drug Use
    Excessive Drinking
    Lack of Sex
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Musts:
    Openly communicates and doesn't shut down
    Good with money
    Not into organized religion
    Respects me
    Go-getter in all facets of life
    Open to new things
    Loves sex
    Open to children

    Deal breakers:
    Cheating
    Giving up on himself/career/life
    Addiction to drugs/alcohol/etc.
    Refuses to have sex
    Excessive lying
    Abusive verbally or physically
     
  9. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    DOs
    be honest
    communicate
    trust me as much as I trust them
    willing to try new or different things
    have a good sense of humor
    likes to go out but doesnt mind staying in and renting a movie or something
    DONTs
    smoke
    drink excessively
    big partier
    drugs (weed too)
    lie to me
    be close/narrow minded
     
  10. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    In for Falconer's list again. :hs:

    I have three absolute musts:

    1. Complete and total honesty. No bullshit and no secrets. "Games" are fine if they aren't manipulative games and are lighthearted and challenging. I don't need to know EVERYTHING about her and expect her to have her own life, but when I say "no secrtes" I mean that nothing is considered too honest or wrong to be brought into the open.

    2. Completely severed contact with ex-boyfriends. It's ok to be "friends" on a very minimal level with an ex, but none of this calling and hanging out bullshit.

    3. Must realize that she will never be more important to me than my kids, and must love my kids.

    Dealbreakers:

    Cheating
    Manipulation
    Lying (can't fucking STAND a liar and my ex was the QUEEN of it)

    Things I'd like to have but am not firm in/am willing to bend/comprimise on:

    Similar views on religion/sprituality (basically, I don't want someone who infringes on MY beliefs or who brings me down in what I believe)
    Must have a desire to be healthy and stay in shape
    I would LOVE to be with someone artsy (I'm a writer, so I find myself attracted to girls who like to draw, paint, etc. In fact, there is something about a girl who can do that stuff that actually turns me on a bit)
    Similar views on how to raise children

    Physical traits (completely unimportant and can be thrown out the window if she meets the above criteria):

    Blonde hair
    Brown eyes
    "Thick" ass and shallow hips

    :dunno: That's all I've got so far.
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    fundamental compatibility

    being on the same wavelength
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Hell yes motherfucker :h5:
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    OH, and btw, whenever I WANT something out of a girl, I believe that I must BE that something to her.

    Not going to make a bunch of demands that I myself don't live up to.

    I also will not ask a girl to change for me. If she doesn't meet my top three criteria, there is no changing her. There is simply "moving" on. Those are direct incompatibilities.
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I remember when you used to give me shit for my list.

    And now you say you completely understand it.

    It's like I'm watching my boy become a man :mamoru:
     
  15. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :bowrofl:

    I bow at your feet, oh great confuscious.
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I need to make some updates to my list however. That was a rough draft off the top of my head.
     
  17. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    wow. i can go in so many different directions with this. i mean, i'm pretty accepting and get along well with most everyone. as long as it's worth it, i'm willing to work through most things.

    some of the stuff already mentioned applies like cheating. however, what it ultimately comes down to is that i won't ask of her anything i'm unwilling to do myself. i expect the same in return. so, i can't be with someone who holds me to a higher/lower standard than she does herself. it's kinda one of those all-encompassing answers.

    let's see what else. one thing i haven't seen mentioned that i would add as a dealbreaker for me is someone who's trying to change me. on the flipside, a must have is someone who likes me for me.

    i am who i am and i'm all for self-improvement. however, it's one thing when it's an internal motivation as opposed to an external pressure. don't be with me in the hopes that i will change into the person you really would rather be with.
     
  18. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Cell phones. With the invention of consumer cell phones, relationships just don't stand a chance against constant text messages and secretive phone calls.

    It's rather more a necessary evil though.

    Must Haves:
    Family Oriented
    Spontaneous
    Compassionate
    Even tempered
    Honesty
    Communication
    Modest

    Deal Breakers:
    Racist
    Borderline personality disorder
    Bipolar disorder
    Domineering
    Uses her cell phone too much
    Super religious
    Selfishness


    I left off sense of humor because the only two people I knew who didn't have one weren't really undatable. It'd be nice to have someone with the same type of humor that you have, but that's about it. I prefer a mostly serious demeanor. Otherwise it makes communication difficult for me.

    As for poor or wealthy I don't feel that this matters much to me nearly as much as education. I'd like her to at least have some college education, but that's just important for first impressions...I could always teach her things.

    I'd rather she have her own religion than follow someone else's. If she took God and Jesus from Christianity and that is it, I'm good with that. But anyone who starts quoting passages to me I feel sorry for.

    I don't care if she's flirtatious. However, going out alone is a no-no. And going out with just the girls is lame. My friends should be her friends and her friends mine too. They should respect our relationship.

    My main "would like" is philosophical or analytical thinking. This is not easy to come across though. I also would prefer more shyness than outgoingness.
     
  19. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Okay, as many of you know, my current relationship has not left me feeling completely satisfied. So I've spent some time and energy trying to figure out what exactly my needs are so that I have a clearer idea of whether I can get those things in my current relationship or whether I should move on (and if I chose to move on what I need to look for in my next relationship). I've always known what my wants were, but I didn't exactly know how important some things were until recently. I've compiled a list of 12 things that I consider to be necessary for me. As opposed to starting a new topic, I figured I'd throw it into this one. Feel free to tell me if you think any of these things are unrealistic or if the list as a whole is too demanding (or if you think I missed something important). Or feel free to ignore me altogether. :hs:

    1. Continually maintains Open + Honest Communication
    2. Enjoys Giving at least as much as Receiving (if not more)
    3. Is open to having Children, but is not already a parent
    4. Does not Smoke, Drink, or use Drugs
    5. Does not have Close relationships with other Men (guy friends are okay- guy "best friends" aren't. I also consider 'cheating' to fall under this one)
    6. Is not religious
    7. Prefers Intimate settings over Crowds
    8. Shares some Common Interests
    9. Treats me with Kindness and Respect (not overly critical)
    10. Has No Sexual Inhibitions (minus the exclusion of pain and other people)
    11. Interested in Health + Self Improvement both Physically + Mentally
    12. Physically Attractive
     
  20. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Musts:
    Openly communicates and doesn't shut down
    Good with money
    Not into organized religion
    Respects me
    Go-getter in all facets of life
    Open to new things
    Loves sex
    Loves travel
    Can tolerate my love of cars
    Has independence - doesn't need me to make her happy but instead has her own drive and determination

    Deal breakers:
    Cheating
    Giving up on herself/career/life
    Addiction to drugs/alcohol/etc.
    Refuses to have sex
    Excessive lying
    Abusive verbally or physically
    Racist

    Minor edit of beers list for me
     
  21. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    deal maker:
    -beautiful
    -skinny or somewhat thick
    -loyal
    -high sexual drive
    -does not argue with me
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2008
  22. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    Manly men look at other women, cheat, are controlling, abusive, and don't give a shit about you. At least they won't be in the friendzone tho :mamoru:
     
  23. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    The contradictions in all of these are killing me :rofl:
     
  24. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    ?
     
  25. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    Why so serious? And you want a girl with no girl friends that never leaves the house without you? Damn what a control freak.

    Also girls are incapable of analytical and philosophical thinking.
     

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