SRS These past 4 weeks have been complete hell for me

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Dumpster_chicken, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. Dumpster_chicken

    Dumpster_chicken OT Supporter

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    Like everyone else on this board, we'll come here to express our deepest inner thoughts to people we'll never meet because it seems more personal then anyhitng.

    Over the past 4 weeks things have just been a straight shot down hill for me. It all started on New Years eve. I was pulled over for a tag light being out. I know this was my fault, it was illegal, I should have had it on my persons in the first p[lace but whatever. I was caught with posession of MJ.

    I think thats where it all pretty much started.

    Well, I kept it from my girlfriend and ended up telling her a couple days after New Years. She flipped out and told me all this shit just because she was mad. She was upset with me and I wasnt supposed to be that kind of guy. So what, I fucked up and I let it happen.

    Well, Over the next week or so I started feeling sick to my stomach every day. I couldn't hold down food and became depressed to a point. I couldn't do anything but think unhappy thoughts and there was no way I could get them to leave. I still cannot get them to leave.

    Over that week and into the next my girl had been pretty distant from me. Not that she didnt want to see me but I knew things were different. It wasnt like this when she left. Come to find out, she cheated on me while she was over seas. She refused to tell me and even made me feel guilty about thinking something like that because she would never do it. Well, who would have thought.

    Anyways, we talked about it and she said she was sorry, she said that she knew what she fucked up and wuold do anyhitng to fix it. Obviously like the weak sucker I am, I took her back. I took her back because before I knew she was worth everything I could dream of, this girl was perfect even though I know everyone is not.

    During all this time work hasnt really been giving me everything I had planned for it to. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere and what I'm doing wouldnt benefit me for life. I kind of trapped myself in a medium on what the hell to do, which I still havent figured out what to do.

    Well here I am now. I think I have pretty much worried myself sick. I cant eat, I cant sleep and I can barily drink. I'm a nervous wreck all the time and cant seem to get any type of negative thoughts out of my head. I first thought it was a real sickness and went to 4 different doctors. They all said I seemed to have a fit of depression and RX'd me to some antidepressants, which totally fucked up my system. I now have constant nausea, feeling of vomiting, stomach pains and diarrea.

    I have always been a pretty insecure guy and now I think its getting the best of me, and its pretty much turning me into nothing. I dont know what to do, who to see or how I can even start to get these feelings or thoughts out of my head. I dont know where to go from here and I'm scared.
    I'm scared of losing my job, I'm scared of losing my girl, I'm scared of losing myself in all of tuis and I hate it. The feeling is nothing I have experienced before.

    I need to fix myself OT before something bad happens.

    I just dont now what to do.
     
  2. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Another one.

    *vigilance, spiritus. This is just an anomoly*

    Okay man. We are going to have to realise some things here.

    You are not happy. You can be happy, but you are not.

    You are terrified of abandoment. You want commitment.

    The ticket, obvious had some horrible effects on you. The MJ found, obvious had some bad effects on you.

    Then your ideal princess has the image of her perfect prince tarnished. This is where the woman dreams you are faultless.

    Then. The thing that is hurting you the MOST. She cheated on you!

    This is what is making you sick.

    Now your image of the perfect woman is tarnished.

    I know you love her. I know she loves you.

    But you did not cheat on her. If she was pulled over for marijuana and a tag, would you cheat on her? I think not.

    There is obviously an imbalance here in love. If she truley loved you, would she cheat on you?

    She may still love you, partly. But she went out and destroyed that sacred bond. She knew better then to do that, but she broke your heart and did it.

    Realise this is the main issue here. The cheating. All of that other stuff is shit.

    It is obviously important to keep your job. When she cheated on me, I was so tore up I could not sleep, had nosebleeds, threw up, had massive migranes, cried endlessly, thought the world was going to end.

    She tried to commit suicide because I dumped her and would not take her back. She was air ambulanced to my city, where I had to go through hell again.

    I ended up not taking her back.

    She obviously did not love me.

    Do you think she really loves you? I mean got away with it. Admit it, you took her back after she got with another man.

    How terrible your suffering will be if you go to work and the neighbor knocks on the door. I know you hate me for saying that, but it is better for those harsh words to enter your head then for it to enter reality.

    She went all the way to have intercourse with another man over a MARIJUANA CHARGE!!! Do you think that is a fair trade!? I sure as fuck don't.

    Do you feel insecure? Well she is certainly exploiting it. I see this incident happening again.

    You feel empty now. And dead.

    You will not feel any better with her. When my girl was flown after trying to commit suicide, I felt much worse seeing her again.

    It will never be the same. I suggest you leave her for adultery.

    You know what, it will feel the exact same way as it does now. You will feel dead inside. I know that feeling man. I have been there. Girlfriend of two years fucks another guy and tells me on boxing day.

    It is January 17th. Not too long ago by any means, considering that there was an epic drama behind the story (me talking to the cops at her house after they busted down her door when she tried to commit suicide if I would not take her back).

    I felt empty and horrible. Like you. You are crying, you just want the pain to stop.

    It isn't that easy. She is still a part of you inside. Unfortunitly, she tricked you into thinking that she loved you.

    Love isn't that emotion. If she loved you, she would not taken the action of cheating on you. Action = Reaction. Obviously, she knew there was the potential of you dumping her for it.

    Maybe she got away with it before. Have you ever thought about that? My ex thought she was so sly. But I dumped the bitch.

    It sucked for a long time. First there was this stage of... fuck... I am not getting out of bed, period.

    Then I had to vent like crazy. (Talk to a counsellor when you are up to it)

    Then I had to keep my mind occupied constantly (joined the gym, hanged with friends).

    What you need to hear most is how bad she is for you. I am sorry. She cheated on you? She does not love you. She is still thinking of that other man. She has no commitment.

    Next time it happens, it will hurt twice as much. You can feel that pain right now, can't you? You cannot imagine it hurting twice as much. You shouldn't have to.

    That is why I am telling you to leave her. Do it today. Kick her ass out. Over simply problems in life (a small charge) she thought you were nothing more then a drug addict and forgot all those good times you had, and risked it all for a simple fuck.

    Meanwhile you are as loyal as a fuckin dog to her working overseas and she is fucking another guy!?

    Begin the stages of getting her out of your life, healing, and finding someone that will truley love you. That will watch you fall, and help you get back up. Not fuck you over at your weakest point.

    I mean I am sorry that you have to go to work through all this. If you have vacation time, take it right after you dump her.

    There are a lot of threads on here you can find a lot of good value in.
     
  3. Dumpster_chicken

    Dumpster_chicken OT Supporter

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    Well here is the situation with her and the other guy.

    Maybe I was a little vague on what that was about.

    She left before christmas because her parents live in Turkey. She always goes over seas during the summer or christmas break to see them.

    We had something perfect before she left.

    Its not like we were stuck on each other every single day. I would work during the week and go to see her at her school on the weekends. It was only an hour drive so its not like it was a major thing to go out of my way. Given there were some times she wouldnt have a class or whatever and would drive up to spend the night with me.

    I knew I was falling in love with her and I think she knew the same thing. She told me when she got over seas she knew this was happening and was afraid of it. She tried to delete the thought from her mind and even told her mom about it, which her mom thought it was kind of rediculous to do somthing like that. Why do somthing like that if you KNEW you were so happy with someone.

    I never asked for specifics on what happen. I really could care less coined it would only make me feel worse.

    I know she didnt do it over the MJ charge. I believe it happen before that, i honestly don't know. My prblem is now I'm stuck with this thought of her and another guy in my head and I KNOW they are still talking which makes me feel worse because she told me they're not.

    She told me she would do anything to get us back where we were. She told me this was the best relationship she had ever had and couldnt believe she would do somthing so stupid to ruin it. I still dont know why she decided to do what she did in the first place and thats the main thought in my head. I cant get away from it and it makes me feel horrible. I dont want to keep bringing it up to her because it only makes things tense between us and only brings back everything we tried to get away form in the first place.
     
  4. Dumpster_chicken

    Dumpster_chicken OT Supporter

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    She was afraid because she knew what she had to deal with before in her past relationships and I guess she didn't want to feel prone to what she had experienced before.

    I know how she felt because obviously I was in a relationship that did the same thing to me. Just with this girl I knew it was worth it and I knew there would be nothing to be afraid of.

    I knew about her past relationships because I knew the guys personally. I know what she was subjected to.

    I have never cheated in my life and would never plan on doing so. I couldn't see myself hurting someone like that in my own eyes. Now here I am dealing with the same thing again. With a girl I thought was so worth it and still do for some reason or another.
     
  5. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Would she still be with you if you lost your leg.

    Because this is small shit compared to the BIG shit. I mean the longterm.

    You want someone who will still be there for you if you lose your leg.

    Like: I do not know what to say dude. You are trying to rationalize this.

    Just compare the circumstances that brought this on, and think of a lot worse shit that will be happening in the future which can lead to another "incident".

    It is very important for you to realise that she might fly away next time it gets a little stormy.

    I would not listen to the womans story about how she does not know why she did it. The point is, she did it.
     
  6. Dumpster_chicken

    Dumpster_chicken OT Supporter

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    Well, to a point you're right.

    Weird thing is it seems like you've been scared by a woman, and take your anger out on the situation by giving other people advice.

    I appericate that you took the time to respond.

    I broke up with her tonight, and I'm already regreting it.

    Now lets take a look at you. I have seen what you post to other people about their relationships and it seems like you always have to bring up your ex. How you gave her everyhting that she wanted and how she pretty much ruined your life.

    Sad thing is it seems like you haven't moved on from this. How long ago did this happen?

    I know its not my place but it seems like out of all of this, you still need to come to terms on some things.
     

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