The Secret Reason Why Women Are Attracted To Jerks, Players

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Vysion, Jul 30, 2008.

  1. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I was just checking my email and a Google ad caught my eye.

    This is something that looks to have been written by a woman, but it totally supports my theory that many women are addicted to drama.

    Link: http://www.takebackyourheart.com/

    I put the most interesting sentences in bold.


    CLIFFS: Woman figures out why she attracts bad relationships, is aware of her addiction to drama, tries to change herself and attracts a guy that treats her well, yet still doesn't feel that she deserves to be treated well.
     
  2. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    I dislike that she uses the term sociopath. I more prefer narcissism or narcissistic. But I think the personality traits are similar regardless of the name.

    I totally believe that women are more attracted to guys with narcissistic personalities, not by choice.
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2008
  3. arsbu

    arsbu New Member

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    I've always thought of myself as a narcissistic codependent asshole. But I've never really defined myself in such few words until I skimmed through this.

    I've found a girl that's sweet and treats me well and yet still has some problems I would like to "fix".

    Interesting read, wish I had time to completely read it rather than skimming through though.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Chicks are attracted to jerks and players because they have more manly traits than "nice guys." They're just a bit too far to that side of the continuum. Girls are repulsed by nice guys and overcompensate by dating players and assholes.

    Except for the ones who are psychologically damaged goods. They prefer assholes and never correct back to dating "men."
     
  5. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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  6. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I don't think she's right about jerks = sociopath. Only a small percentage of sociopaths have the (1) that allows them to get women. If you don't have that, you're not getting laid...

    These are the qualities I feel that true "jerks" have:


    Either superficial or genuine charm

    Not pathological lying, but more like harmless bullshitting. Talking oneself up to be more than they are, but out of insecurities. Sociopaths actually believe their lies.

    Are definitely remorseful, but rarely shows it and never really makes up for it for acknowledgment of guilt can show weakness. A sociopath on the other hand either doesn't feel remorse, blocks it out, or doesn't give it much priority...

    Promiscuity is a given.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Ted Bundy was considered quite charming
     
  9. LS1>

    LS1> OT Supporter

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    wow great read
     
  10. Timer

    Timer Guest


    dot.

    I'm not female. However, attraction is not a science. When a common thread says, "girls like assholes," they should instead say, "girls do not like puppies." They want a man who is fun, attractive, can tease with them and follow them up with a compliment next. One who will say "i love you" once, not "i love you baby oh my god i can't sleep without you it hurts all day i felt like throwing up the stars align when i feel your heart beat." There's a time and place for it, and the time and place isn't 24/7 everywhere.
     
  11. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    Yes... he was... that's how he lured 40 or more woman, then raped and killed them-- then practiced necrophilia with their dead bodies... Sick man..

    this same man contributes his initial obsession to violence and rape to his addiction to hardcore porn

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ki9FhawqTyc

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcJuT-Sp4qU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVV6-ThQ5MI

    ^ Ted Bundy's final interviews where he talked about how pornography eventually led him to want to act on what he saw in violent porn videos.

    I did an 11 page research paper on him... he was nuts
     
  12. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    I don't think every codependent girl is into the "jerks" you refer to... a lot of codependent girls are actually attracted to sociopaths... I'm pretty sure I used to be codependent.. but I believe that I have changed since then-- I'm very much attracted to a good guy right now, and I am praying that my attraction lasts because I know deep inside he is a good guy..

    p.s. for Vysion and bambambigelow...

    The longest attraction I ever held for a guy was like this:

    I met him through a friend and the first time we hung out he was very nice... he started out with light sarcasm, joking around. Eventually he became very rude.. He would constantly tell me to shut up and that he didn't care about what I had to say. He would say I wasn't smart, he would say stuff like, "why are you still talking" or.. "do you ever shut up" He was basically the meanest person I have ever met... And he saw how it hurt me... and he must have liked it because he continued to do it (I would consider this sociopathic behavior). So you are probably wondering... why were you still attracted to him? this is why: I was addicted to the moments when he was nice to me because I knew they were real. For example: one time he invited me over to his house and he lit candles for me... - this would seem like 'whoopee' big deal if it were your standard nice guy, but coming from a jerk bastard like him-- it was amazing and heartfelt.. THAT is how brainwashed I was.. There were other little nice things that were EXTREMELY rare that he did over the 2 years I was attracted to him... and then suddenly I realized that I deserved better... I don't know what suddenly came over me..but I decided to make a change. When I started dating new guys, he was extremely jealous... it's funny to me looking back on it now because I think the guy must just have really bad issues-- to me it seems like deep down he really liked me, he just had no idea how to show it (by the way in case you are wondering how old the guy is, he was 21 when i met him and 23 when i stopped seeing him)...

    p.s. I'm not saying all girls go for sociopaths, I'm saying codependent girls go for sociopaths...and not all girls are codependent

    and some girls are ALMOST codependent-- these probably make up a large percentage of girls-- most likely the ones vysion is referring to... these one's probably do crave the drama of a guy who treats a girl like crap one minute then is nice the next.. it's really lame, but I think if the guy is a nice guy, then they ought to stay that way, and find the right girl who isn't obsessed with the dumb dramatic stuff.

    This next excerpt totally reminded me of this thread... (it was written by a very endure to the end type of nice guy I know) -- some of you might think he sounds too emotional and clingy-- but I'll post it anyways:

    "There's nothing left inside me anymore... i have no heart... i have no feelings... i have nothing but darkness... everything in life seems to be the same. And for some reason i've been blind to this fact. but not anymore. no. not anymore. i can see clearly. everything was foggy and unseen until this very second... everything is the same when you're a nice guy. you like a girl. you think about a girl. you start to feel for a girl. and just when everything seems perfect... that's when things fall apart. Then you hurt.. like right now. i hurt. but you shouldn't worry because i'm a nice guy. and we're used to this kind of shit. but yet we still seem to come back for more... this is for all the nice guys that have been hurt because of a girl- pray... pray that maybe one day the nice guys will win... don't change who you are. don't change for anyone. because if you do that then you're not staying true to yourself... i will remain true to myself. the tears i've shed will fade away over time... and i will go back to my friends and be there for them when they need me. but i can't feel anything right now because there's no place for a feeling.. like i said, i'm empty.. so this is for all the nice guys out there who will quite possibly never win.. keep dreaming and maybe things will turn around. maybe. until then pray.. or dream.. or hope.. or just keep the faith.. be careful and don't lose your heart like i have gradually over time.. so shine on... shine on diamond eyes... shine on.."
     
  13. SHIFT_blue

    SHIFT_blue OT Supporter

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    Is that excerpt supposed to convince nice guys to stay the way they are? If so its not very convincing. Dont change what your doing thats never worked and most likely never will?
     
  14. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    You can't choose who you're attracted to.
     
  15. Chuck

    Chuck New Member

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    I believe you can, actually.
     
  16. Helios

    Helios New Member

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    What is your defintion of the "nice guy" to you?


    To me there's two nice guy's , the Alpha and the Beta

    The Beta is what most people think of when you call a guy 'nice'.

    - Supplicates - This means he is not getting what he wants, but is servicing the other person.
    - Insecure
    - Low-value - has few or no friends, has little going on/described as "boring", weak interpersonal skills - overt shyness
    - Weak - emotionally
    - No sense of direction or identity
    - Borderline asexual


    The Alpha is self explanatory as the 'Alpha male' type

    - Confident
    - High value - has close friends, lives an interesting life, has women, has interpersonal skills, etc
    - Respectful of others (men, women, children, whatever)
    - Resourceful
    - Cocky - in a CONFIDENT way. Not in a way that is overcompensating for an insecurity.
    - Sexual
    - Leader
     
  17. metakone

    metakone New Member

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    Can I ask where you got these definitions from ? I'm not disagreeing with you, just wondering about your source.
     
  18. Helios

    Helios New Member

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    That depends on what you mean. There's plenty of people you're not attracted to, but most people have a fairly wide view of what they consider "attractive". Though as the piece up there mentioned about the emotional roller coaster enducing types, there are certain people that in some way or another stand out from others that you like as if they were wearing neon.

    This woman is not actually changing who she's attracted to, so much as merely suppressing or blocking out certain people on the radar.
     
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    "nice guys" are not cocky and I wouldn't call them sexual either. I mean they are just average, vanilla type people. Like the nice mormon guy who's got his shit together but isn't anywhere near creepy...like the typical "good" solid guy in movies. Those guys exist.
     
  20. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    no not necessarily, I'm just betting that guys like Vysion can related to this guy on some level (not necessarily on such an emotional level)
     
  21. perfectquietude

    perfectquietude New Member

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    :) you are right -- they do exist !
     

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