the other kind of update.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by antihero, Nov 14, 2007.

  1. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    cliffs: Just wanted to check in... Everything is going great.

    yup.. its long, but its a quiet day in here so far....

    everyone in the vag is always very quick to say dump her, people can't really change, etc etc... So I just wanted to make a post about how things can change.

    cliff notes recap: Got a girlfriend, liked her a lot, she did a few things that were very selfish and was often inconsiderate, sex was infrequent and poor quality. vag all said "Dump her, its hopeless"

    The talk... you know in "knocked up" when the new dad tells off the sister in the hospital and makes her wait in the waiting room, and how as she sits down bewildered in the waiting room, instead of being mad she likes him and respects him? Well in my experience this works often if done correctly.

    cliffs: "when it comes down to it, you always do what you want with no consideration to what I want or would like. I take responsibility for this, because I let you do it. I am no longer going to accept such poor treatment. I try to give you what you want because I want you to be happy, yet your actions clearly indicate that if my happiness is inconvenient you really don't give a damn about it. If you want this to work you are going to have to start being a lot more giving, considerate, and thoughtful. If you can't do that, don't waste my time."

    What I changed: It's true, I had become a complete pussy. Even down to the nearly insignificant details, like letting her sleep however the hell she wanted in the middle of the bed. I had gotten all caught up in the head rush of falling in love and had set myself up for what Id gotten. As soon as I got back to being my normal strong self, everything changed. I started taking what I wanted, saying no, not accepting bullshit behavior. Within days though, I stopped having to. she began giving me what I wanted, asking me what I would like, and not pulling nearly as much bullshit behavior.

    and since then, everything has been just great. While I was hoping for change I never would have imaged such drastic change in a relationship could happen. She now appreciates the nice things I do for her, and does nice things for me in return. She is considerate, giving, and appreciative. She now respects that fact that since I am very easy going, if I say something serious, I am serious and she treats it as such. The sex has gone from awful to great, and I have not gone two consecutive days without sex as far as I can recall. Yeah, sometimes she gets out of line, but I am a man and I can put her back in line and she will respect me for it.

    this really isn’t meant to be misogynistic, but I guess it is. Its not the original dynamic I was going for, but this one simply works so much better for us, its hard to argue. Occasionally im amazed at how easily we slip into a father/little girl dynamic, but it works for both of us.
     
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Sounds like a psycho, your only choice is to dump her ;)
     
  3. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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    dude its not fucking misogynstic at all. did you start eating soy or something? There are MASCULINE and FEMININE roles in relationship. The man LEADS, the woman FOLLOWS. it is our job to be the man, to know where we are going. as some guy was quoted in Sam Keen's fire in the belly (not such a good book imo) you have to know 1) where are you going? and 2) who's coming with you? ... and never change the order of those two questions. It is your job as a man to be going, it is her job as the woman to be there as a cute little cuddly thing to give you a BREAK from your life. Because whether it's cars or relationships, women cannot drive. Glad to mother fucking have you back.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I have a question for you guy. I read your posts, and agree with you on a lot of things.

    I know our usual advice to guys is "raise your standards, don't take BS, dumping is always an option if the person does not change deal breaking behavior", etc...

    But do you all just apply this to guys? I find myself giving the advice to both men and women.

    So, in your opinion, is this just the attitude guys should have? Or should women have it too?

    EDIT: I know I could be a little more clear about what I am asking, but that's the best I can do right now.
     
  5. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    apply to everyone, but yeah,... it doesn't work so well when i try it. :hsd:
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    would you elaborate please?
     
  7. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    eh, probably me specific, and nothing to do with the gender roles.


    the short of it, i felt under appreciated, and that there was an unbalance of care. we talked about correcting it, and while there's been some short term change, some things just aren't going to change.

    what was accomplished? i know i need to speak up and put my foot down on certain things. as antihero said, it's much our fault for letting it happen, and digress to that point.
     
  8. Doc Love

    Doc Love Guest

    .

    Congratuations, on getting control of the situation and reframing the whole relationship into what you wanted.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    soy? hell no. last night the woman even went out and bought me a giant tuna steak and had a really nice dinner ready for me when I got back from chest day. :bigthumb:

    Those girls kinda bore me. But I will never forget that though I may not want a puppy, even if we are both wolves, im still the big dog.

    :bowrofl: It's crazy how much it really felt like "being back". Thanks for this and thanks for your advice a month ago.



    I think the advice is even more valid for women. I think my situation is a bit unusual because when it comes to girls, I am a people pleaser, like many women are. It makes me happy to make them happy, so i sometimes forget to take care of myself. This is a problem that many more women have then men.

    I was not afraid to lose her. I just was oblivious to the fact that I was being mistreated because despite the mistreatment, i still enjoyed her. I would make all sorts of excuses for her... she didn't know, didn't mean it, couldnt have guessed... blah blah blah.. :mamoru:
     

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