The Nice Guy Discussion... Yes Again...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by armond, Aug 1, 2005.

  1. armond

    armond New Member

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    I know this has probably been done to death, and will continue to be done to death. But anyway, I never really got to participate in a discussion involving peoples' perspectives on "nice guys." :squint:

    Up front, I cannot read signs, and I was not made to do so. So basically I cannot tell what a woman thinks without her stating it out in the open. I have had so many women friends who tell me that certain women is attracted to me, like I can tell... :wtc:

    I will not lie, simply stated I am a nice guy. I have no hidden goals and I am not a womanizer. I was raised by a Texan father and a Korean mother. Nothing crazy, just the good old southern gentleman taught to me by my father. The way my father treats my mother also has a huge effect on the way I treat women. Basically I respect all women until given a reason not to...

    I think all women deserve to be treated with vast amounts of respect and taken care of. Not to say that I do not think they cannot do things on their own or handle situations by themselves. Simply put, I think a woman has a lot of things coming to her seeing as she tends to deal with more BS than a man does.

    Now, on to what I want to know. Women, what is the deal with the decisions you make when it comes to choosing a nice guy? I know it is not all of the women in the world, but it seems to be a large majority that I know. Is it the age thing? The time in life where you are choosing the more "exciting" men, when I say exciting I am referring to my "bad boy" counterparts. Do I actually have to stoop to their level and be rude and make bad remarks/gestures to make an impression? What are women looking for? Not saying I will change my ways, just curious and what to see into a woman's psyche!
     
  2. Freeze Time

    Freeze Time New Member

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    You sound to be in the 16-22 range, which is exactly where i am. Im 22, and am a self proclaimed "nice guy" I also dont have hidden agendas, play games, disrespect women, etc just to try to get laid. Im also single!
    It sucks, but at least in my experiance, which isnt the best, girls seem to come around around this age and start looking for husband matierial. At least, girls that are worth your time, have some education and goals in their life do.

    Ive been patient and i know that it will pay off with a good girl sooner or later.
     
  3. Dan-blackline

    Dan-blackline Registered Sex Offender

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    I'm only 17, so I'm not sure how seriously you're gonna take this, but I've always described myself as the nice guy romantic, I've never come onto girls suggestively or anything and I never seemed to find anyone because I was looking for someone perfect and all the girls seemed to want the bad boy type. However me and my best friend ended up falling for each other and she was telling her friend, who ended up telling me, one of the reasons for her falling in love with me were because she knew she could trust me 100%, and that was so important to her, and my other girl friends have agreed. This girl is also much more attractive than me and a perfect match personality wise, I couldn't be happier.

    What I'm (poorly) trying to say is being the nice guy isn't gonna make you get laid every week, or make girls fall at your feet, however when you find someone who gets to know you, its gonna be great and its gonna last.
     
  4. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Nice guys just simply don't stimulate a girl's certain emotional needs. The other day my gf was talking to a guy on AIM and I was following the conversation. I got the sense right away that he was a nice guy because well, he was kind of boring. He seemed kind and respectful, but there was no energy in his messages or anything. His personality just wasn't coming through or maybe he had none.

    I believe that it was too easy for her to string him along and not have to do any "work". She was waiting for him to become more bold and flirtatious. Your words should be more like an aphrodisiac and less like reading off a menu.

    You don't have to turn into an asshole. I've tried it but could never hold the act for very long before I got sick of myself. Be yourself but be a more edgy and flirtatious version of yourself. Try to enjoy who you are instead of always trying to please someone else.
     
  5. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    How your raised plays a huge role in how you treat others. You cant change that. Except it. I was raised by my mother, so i didnt grow up with a dad and i think that played a part in how i treat women. I dont treat them like trash, but i bow worship them either.

    I tried being the EXTREME nice guy (not me) and it backfired. REALLY BAD!

    You dont hahve to stoop to any levels to be a bad boy. A bad boy can be someone who's firm with their actions and stand behind what they say. Being a challenge and not available makes you more appealing to woman. If you obey all their commands and are ALWAYS available to see them, what fun are you to thenm? They know they can have you whenever. Its the game you have to play (i dont like it) to get them to like you. This can also backfire, and thats why i dont really bother with. Now im just myself with girls. No putting on shows, nothing. Im very opinionated and not afraid to tell a girl no.
     
  6. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    im a "nice guy" i'd say also. Im 19, only had 2 girlfriends really (one was for 5 months, who messed me around, i think for being the nice guy. The other for 2yrs which i ended as i was unhappy) and yes, i dont do any jerkish things like insult women or go after every woman i see. I wont lie, i find quite a few women attractive, and i can tell the signs, but i usually am not the guy to make the first move (which kinda sucks). Eventually, you'll find someone who will appreciate a nice guy. The girl i have just met had a 2yr relationship with her ex who turned into an absolute cock, now im a little scared that im gonna be that "helper guy" but she really does seem into me, so i can count myself lucky i guess.

    By playing the nice guy to be honest, it often leaves the.. oppurtunity to be brought to you. A girl seeking a nice guy, because theres too many women around these days that want a guy with a good body.. a trophy as it were, and dont care about being 100% happy. I often have thought to myself "Why dont i just be a total ass and try to get women that way", most of my friends being female advised against this and told me to not try to force anything, and youre time will come. Im just hoping with this new girl, it has.
     
  7. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Nice guys are a dime a dozen. Women can find them anywhere. Now a bad boy who can make them do things they normally never would....that's harder to find.
     
  8. armond

    armond New Member

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    Ok, I am by no means a boring person. I flirt often, but not overly so. The main thing is, I do not treat women like crap.

    Every woman I am around gets to laughing constantly. I like to joke around a lot, but I can be quite serious as needed. For instance, this woman I know and I have been getting along quite well. She is just a friend but single, and that is all. She is my coworker as well. Throughout the day it is all joking and fun. Interesting conversations about eachothers past, family, and anything else we get into. But we have fun with it. The other women at work also have this relationship with me. I have had women AT work tell me, "If I were single, I would take advantage of you right now..."

    So by no means am I not able to probably obatin some sort of relationship more complex than a friend... Also, I do not think I am that bad looking, I am not hideous or anything. At least not with what I have been told. And I do take decent care of my body, I am not overweight.

    I am not referring to men who let women run over them as nice guys. I am talking about the gentleman. The man who treates women oh so well, but yet has sense enough to shut her down as needed.

    I have never just agreed with a woman to please her. I always stand by my decisions.

    What I was trying to ask was about women and their "need" to be with someone who treats them like crap. And then they decide to come tell someone like me about the problem. I simply say, "leave him..." There is nothing else to it. Not saying all women end up staying with a shithead, but a lot of them do... This bothers me, because a ot of these women are attractive on the inside and the outside. But usually at the end of the relationship, they are damaged goods. Especially if they stay in an abusive relationship for far too long....

    Thanks for answering with what you did. Hopefully I cleared up the original question a bit...
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2005
  9. MovieMan84

    MovieMan84 Here we go

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    Different people are into different things. If you value sincerity and are looking for someone who values you as a gentleman, then you need to pass on anyone who gets off on dating the asshole. There are plenty of women out there who are interested in dating a nice guy (at least as you describe him. In my experience, you'll have a harder time finding someone looking to date a boring pushover, but that's not what you're talking about.) Part of it depends on where you're meeting people. If you meet girls at clubs or random huge parties where lots of booze is served, you're more likely to find girls interested in dating a dick. If you meet a chick at a coffee shop, in class, at a library, at a bookstore, or something similar to that, then you're more likely to find a normal human being. Not all women need to be treated like crap, but IMO most women do need to find something exciting in a partner.

    Perhaps a female member of the forum could correct me if I'm wrong or improve my statements, but that's a decent rendition of what I've observed myself.
     
  10. armond

    armond New Member

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    Clubs piss me off. Too many possible incidents occur, especially near a military base. Not saying the military sucks, I respect them 100%, but some of them soldiers have no clue how to handle their alcohol. Or they turn out to be the angry drunk.

    Anyway yeah, I know about the whole meeting a girl in a club usually leads the wrong kind of woman. But I know women from all walks of life, and it just seems a lot of them have this wierd pull towards dickheads.
     
  11. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    I used to be that girl who dated nothin but the bad guys, and the dicks. Looking back I only did it because I didn't feel good enough about myself to think that I deserved to be with a good guy. I'm not speaking on behalf of all the female OTers, but that's just my experience.
     
  12. armond

    armond New Member

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    So perhaps some women feel as though they are not on the same level? Low self esteem issues? Lack of confidence?
     
  13. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    I never lacked the confidence (if anything I used it to use men the way the use women), but I just didn't think a good guy would go for a girl like me.
     
  14. armond

    armond New Member

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    Oh, so it was based on what you thought of yourself? You never allowed a good guy to judge for himself? Why would you think a good guy wouldn't go for you?
     
  15. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    Pretty much. I have made some poor decisions in life and as a result don't think that a 'good guy' would go for me. I see it as the whole 'what does around comes around' kinda thing.

    While I am not a bad person, sometimes I think I might be a bit much to handle.
     
  16. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    same here. nice guys for the win...just give the female population a little time to come to their senses and grow up out of the bad boy phase. :hs:
     
  17. dukedevil0

    dukedevil0 Stop looking at me, swan.

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    I think I am very similar to you. I'm 21 years old and have never been in a serious relationship before. I'm a nice guy but not overly so and also flirty and playful and interesting. I keep wondering when the BS will end too and things will fall into place for a guy like me. Hopefully, it will be sooner than later.
     
  18. Nsx9red

    Nsx9red New Member

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    I'm a nice guy, Im dating a really hott girl.. who was my friend for years

    So now i proved the whole nice guy, friend zone is just BS

    You need to find a women who doesn't care about all that BS, maybe one that is actually mature
     
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Women like to be put in a submissive position. With nice guys, they are usually the dominant ones.

    You make a fuss of girls going after bad guys but what about all the nice guys who lust after the hot sorority girl types? Those girls would crush their hearts into a million pieces of dust yet they still want them. I personally can admit that I've routinely been attracted to the wrong girls all of my life. But you have to be aware of something like this and want to change in order to do so.
     
  20. armond

    armond New Member

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    I personally have no desire for those hot sorority girl types. They are more annoying in most cases than anything.

    I also agree that the "friends" thing is thought about too much. Being friends allows for some trust to be built first, and perhaps an understanding. I have dated some of my friends, and it was great.

    My personal taste? Slightly tanned, not the fake tan! Dark hair, brown and black do nicely. Someone who can think past their new pair of shoes. Someone who is active in taking care of themselves/. Someone who would like to travel or already has done some. A woman who enjoys her life, not complains about it. Someone with drive, and that knows/has an idea of what she wants to do. Glasses do not bother me. You have to be comfortable with yourself/body. Not afraid to speak your mind, as long as you do so in a civil tongue. Cares about people, but not to the extent that they can be taken advantage of. Someone who can be the listener and not just the talker...

    The list could go on, but nowhere in there is blond, high maintenance, large breasts, etc... Note, there is nothing wrong with being blond, just not personal taste, I love me some brunettes.

    Anyway, there are attractive women in every color/shape. I for one right now am very attracted to this light skinned Creole girl. She is killing me with her eyes, the way she talks, how she talks, etc...

    I dunno, I just think that women need to realize that they don't have to put up with that BS.
     
  21. NJGuy

    NJGuy "Fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmef uckmefuckmefuckmefuckm OT Supporter

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    What about bad guys who turned good later in life?
    I still get girls who know my old "bad guy" reputation and want to hook up. They are very dissapointed to say the least.
     
  22. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    That is so true. When I used to date the bad boys, I always felt a sense of security when I was out with them. They knew what they wanted and they went for it.

    Now I find myself in a new position because there is this guy that I really like who is a nice guy. But, it seems as though I am being the dominant one which is a little flustering because I'm not used to that. But I think he is worth it...
     
  23. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    Agreed.
    And most women do IMO.
     
  24. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    :werd: :werd: :werd:

    Exacterly.
     
  25. ndnxtc

    ndnxtc New Member

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    :werd:, I just found a girl that debunked that whole theory, came out of nowhere. Friends for ~3 years before now.
     

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