SRS the more social i am, the more lonely i feel

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JordanClarkson, May 18, 2008.

  1. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    Anytime I start being more and more social, it makes me feel lonely when things don't go as planned.

    I have a party to go to tomorrow but I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm sick with a cold and was feeling tired all day so it might be the same tomorrow. Plus when I go to these things people seem to talk to me less and less. A couple took me off of their myspace, so it's kinda awkward to talk to them. Maybe it was accidental...or hell maybe I did it myself without knowing, but whatever. That seems to happen often, where someone else or myself will do/say something stupid and the friendship/trust is then kinda broken.

    I actually feel more stable and together when I'm by myself and have no social life. Since a couple of months ago when I decided to be more sociable I've felt a lot more ups and downs.

    Anyone have the same problem?
     
  2. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    I start to get really depressed when I do not go out and socialize.

    I love having my alone time, but I have even more fun when I balance it out with hanging out with friends.
     
  3. Fuzion

    Fuzion heaven and hell

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2004
    Messages:
    8,504
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    rockland, NY
    my situation is a bit similar.

    past 5 years i was a hermit. didn't do much cept play on the computer all day / work / school as needed. during this time i didnt have any expectations so i couldn't ever be let down.

    starting taking a few meds - which btw, i shouldve been taking years ago, lost weight, hit up the gym and gained a bit more confidence.

    now it seems whenever im back at home alone, i start feeling sad. its like, damn back to the same old routine, ya know.

    can't have the good without the bad, i guess.
     
  4. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    3,545
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Bay, California
    What meds?
     
  5. Fuzion

    Fuzion heaven and hell

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2004
    Messages:
    8,504
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    rockland, NY
    adderall and xanax.

    had really bad anxiety from being a dumb ass kid and doing lots of drugs.

    feel 100% better now.
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    I would suggest if your bonds of friendship are so quickly broken, they're not true friends but more acquaintances. It's easy to mistake these groups but once you have a real friend, they won't leave simply because of something you say....they'll talk to you about it and what not.
    You feel more stable because when you're alone, you're in complete control. You can do what you want, when you want and however you want. You don't have to accommodate other people's personalities and wishes. It's easy and there's no judgment.

    If you find yourself feeling defensive around your friends this is likely due to the types of people you call friends and the interactions you have with them. This type of situation has less to do with having people around or not and more to do with the types of relationships you develop.
     
  7. Leaden Grudge

    Leaden Grudge OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2003
    Messages:
    1,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yea I sometimes feel like that too. I think a lot of it comes from me feeling like I'm putting a lot into it, becoming drained, and then not getting much back. Then of course becoming reluctant to try it again.
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    These are old time friends and family, but you're right, they do feel more like acquaintances than close friends.
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    That's how I feel. It's draining to put so much effort into it and getting nothing back.
     
  10. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2006
    Messages:
    4,153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    I know what that feels like, I avoid those types of relationships altogether. Quite simply, no matter who the other person is, I will never give them more attention that I am given in return and focus on the people who like me. If someone isn't looking at you even when you speak or continuosly interrups you in a group type setting, these people do not like your presence for whatever reason and they don't respect you. Never try to gain attention or contact them because it will only drive you down lower in their eyes.

    You gotta realize that some people simply don't like you, even if they are long time "friends". The way you look, your body language, whatever it is, it triggers something in em that they don't like. It could be a small body language quirck that allows them to project all their bad emotions onto you. Keep these people at arms lenght and never rely on them, because they will undermine and cut you down. Everybody winds up in these situations, even the most sociable, friendly people sometimes run into this.

    A lot of people simply power through it because they don't detect the suble body language and end up having fun anyway so they attract enough good attention to themselves that they get accepted into the group by the others in the group. This shuts up those who didn't like them in the first place because now they don't want to be the ones causing drama. Unfortunatley for those of us who were in abusive home environments, we can detect bad body language from miles away (perhaps even where it doesn't exist) and it affects us a lot more, so powering through it is harder to do. The most important thing you can do for yourself though is detect friend from foe, and stop trying to become friends with those who consider themselves above you.
     
  11. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    322
    Likes Received:
    0
    I had similar problems until I did three things;

    1) I started seeing a therapist that did eye movement desentization therapy (not the exact name but close enough to do a google search) Helped so much with Post traumatic stress syndrome

    2) Changed my diet- cut out all sugars, lots of low sugar veggies and lots of good lean protein (tons of fish).

    3) Took a course of anti fungal medications (my anxiety markedly disappeared with these)

    Then I went to a good dr. and figured out what else was going on with me (cyclothymia) the right meds, a good mind set and a good support system helped with the rest.
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I think that if you are introverted by nature, then going to a party makes you feel like someone you are not, and that gives this disturbing feeling. Fighting against your nature might not be the right thing to do, being social must befall you more natural but yes you have to make effort in order to become more social, its this workload that we dislike and rather would discard, the big difference to someone who's naturally social is that they enjoy the intereaction. Its therefore important that you start to enjoy the conversations you have with people, rather then seeing it as a form of torture see it as a way to have a great time. A good thing that i always recommend is listening to comedy central for one hour a day on Winamp. That really shows how talking can be a wonderfull thing and a great laugh.

    Unfortunatly social intereaction will always a continues investment of time and effort from your side, its up to you to decide on how much you want to invest in it.
     
  13. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2002
    Messages:
    97,164
    Likes Received:
    74
    Location:
    Republic of Dallas
    Why would everyone in the room come talk to you? You have to talk to them, its your job to make your life enjoyable. If you want to converse with people and build new relationships, then you have to do the work.

    I have the same problem. I travel for work all the time, and I'm in Seattle. I talked to roughly 15 sets of women yesterday when I was downtown...just acting like a dumbass, asking directions, stupid questions, or giving people shit.
     

Share This Page