The how/when of going from "dating" to "boyfriend/girlfriend," and other questions.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by D-FENS, Feb 3, 2006.

  1. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    Background: I'm a Highschool Junior (guy), I'm interested in a Sophomore (girl), she seems to be giving me a bunch of good signs, so I figure I'll ask her out during school next week. Assuming I get the green light, I figure a standard dinner and bowling date would be good.

    Now, what exactly causes the tranisition from "dating" to "boyfriend/girlfriend" status? Obviously time, and frequency of dates, but is there a typical standard time period, and number/frequency of dates? Anything else I should know about?

    Also, when I say, "How'd you like to go out with me this weekend?" Would I be correct in assuming that the girl is aware that I'm looking for a relationship and not just casual dating?

    And whats the protocol on Valentine's Day if you've only been dating for a week or so? I wouldn't want to seem like I'm trying to rush into a relationship by doing something real big for her, but I don't want to seem like I'm some lame/uncaring guy by not doing anything at all.

    And I am aware that I am only in highschool, and this relationship will probably not last forever, but I figure that I'll just enjoy it while it does last. (If it even starts)
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2006
  2. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Well, I would not do dinner and bowling, personally. To me, the whole purpose of a date is to get to know her, not feed and entertain her. I would recommend a Starbucks for a coffee at the most. Then you can just sit and talk to each other, get to know her, and make sure she's not crazy. Here's an article I wrote about that:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/content/view/16/28/

    Now the transition from dating to BF/GF is when you go exclusive. Of course, most normal and respectful people don't date in the normal sense of the word (i.e., date a different person each night) so the lines are blurred. For me, the titles mean nothing.

    To ask her out, I recommend you say "How would you like to go on a date with me next week?" And do it on a weekday night, like Mon-Thur, not Friday or Saturday. Weekend nights can make it seem like you want to "buy" her dinner and entertain her, and in exchange you expect sex. A cheap coffee date means "I think you're quality and I actually want to get to know YOU better."

    Valentines day, after a week? I'd say one red rose and maybe a card, nothing more. Assuming, of course, you are getting along very well.
     
  3. KuntryFresh

    KuntryFresh Midwest

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    movies is a bad idea. bowling isnt bad, neither is mini putt. fun activities
     
  4. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    i wouldnt worry about making the distinction between dating and bf/gf quite so soon. give it a couple dates, and you might not be interested in her anymore. i would however make sure you state, as poco said, that its a date and not merely hanging out. i also agree with the weekday thing, or something on the weekend during the day. weekendnight activities tend to send a certain message.

    im a fan of action dates, so i like the bowling. i dont like awkard siliences, and that tends to fillin the spots. id skip dinner though, and just do coffee.

    as for valentines, at most take her out to dinner, but i wouldnt do fancy or anything. card seems resonable.
     
  5. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    Yeah, I was thinking about movies earlier, but then I realized that it's a retarded idea for a first date, as it would involve no talking. I thought bowling would be a good idea because we can both talk and have a good time all at once. As far as the restaurant goes, I'm not talking about anything fancy, I'm probably looking at Papa Gino's. I already know this girl somewhat well. We're friendly, but not friends, and I've been intentionally avoiding becoming full fledged friends, as to avoid being friendzoned.

    As far as weekday dates go, that'll be kind of tough. I'm free on mondays, but who the hell wants to do anything on a monday? Tuesdays, I'm usually at a meeting until 9PM, Wednesdays, I'm with the action shooters at my gun club till 7, leaving Thursday as the only real weeknight available. I'll think it over.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2006
  6. Werdna

    Werdna Livin' the SLO Life...

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    it's simple, when you get to the point where you feel you could be exclusive with her (no other women), then tell her that. see how she responds...go from there...
     
  7. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    All well and good if you have the confidence and conversational ability to make a coffee date work but if you're unsure then bowling is not a bad idea. No, you're not there to feed and entertain her but at least bowling is a fun ice-breaker that nobody is really brilliant at anyway, and besides giving you something to talk about it means gaps in the conversation become necessary rather than awkward.

    You can still have a coffee after bowling, because now that the ice is broken and you have a couple of things to talk about the pressure's off.
     
  8. dodgerdog

    dodgerdog If you're a racist, I'll attack with the North.

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    putt putt ftw
     
  9. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    Considering I live in MA, and the weather is going to be absolute shit for at least another month, minigolf is out for now.
     
  10. low20

    low20 Member

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    a lot of girls HATE mini golf too so watch out there...movies are a dumb idea for first date cuz u cant see or talk to her half the time...just ask her if she wants to grab some coffee and chat sometime...u can always just wait till after v-day or since ur in HS, i know my HS used to do this flower thing where u can have a flower sent to someones locker, with or without a note...u can do that, have like 2 or 3 sent to her locker with a note and when she comes to say thanks, just ask if she wants to grab coffee that night or the next..
     
  11. GSRwBOOST

    GSRwBOOST New Member

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    dating = she or you can see anyone

    bf/gf = exclusive dating, noone else.

    the transition between varies, but for me has been anywhere from a few days to a few months... it depended on who it was and how much we had in common...

    love at first sight obviously leads to a quicker transition.
     
  12. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    So, I asked her today, she gave me a pretty clear nervous look, and she hesitated quite a bit (although I may be exagerating this, as I was pretty nervous myself), but she said OK to the date, and gave me her #. The hesitation and the nervous look she gave me have ebeen bugging me all day, which is in turn, making me nervous as well, being the classic never-had-a-real-date-before teenager.

    I figure I'll give her a call tomorrow night (I had originally figured waiting two days to avoid seeming desperate, but I was also told not to wait too long to seem uninterested, so I figured 1 day is a good compromise), and make plans for the date. I'll see how that goes, gauge her interest level in me, then I'll figure out what to do from there.
     
  13. maybeitsyou

    maybeitsyou New Member

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    give it two days...but no more than 4
     
  14. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    In my best opinion you are officially BF/GF when people around you start saying it.... like oh hows your girlfriend doing or you just overhear it here and there.
     

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