The greeneye monster took a bite off of me - need help

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by eskarinna, Feb 29, 2008.

  1. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    Ok well you know the background we just got married after 2 years of being together, I love him and he loves me. Never had a reason to not trust him and he has always been totally honest with me as i have with him.

    Since we started hour relationship as nothing more than friends a new things about his past relationships and indiscretions and I know things were different in his past relationship.

    And now the problem: He has a friend with who he worked many years and at one point (again many many years ago) they had a thing. Since then they have kept their friendship to the occasional once a year or less when they are in the same city they go out to dinner and talk about their ex coworkers, friends, each others family etc. She came to town this week and we went out for a dinner the 3 of us ( i knew it will be weird i feared that i will feel the way i do) We had great time she turned out to be a great person and i really can see my self being a friend with her if things were different. However i saw in him the spark and the ever so gently flirting that had resurfaced after more than 10 years. He claimed he had no clue and that he wasn't doing it on purpose or with any agenda and that she used to be his best friend. In other aspect she was acting normal as if she saw an ex coworker. During the night there were multiple references to certain stories from the time they were together and that kind of made me jealous. Not so much the stories (because i already knew them) but the way they were talking about them.

    The next morning he had to wake up at 4am and work which has never happened before but in his line of duty is not unusual to have to do something like that. I got so jealous that i stayed and worked from home. When i asked him why he had to wake up at 4 am i found out he just woke up and worked from home did what he needed to and went to work the usual time. I felt horrible for not trusting him and even worse for being jealous because part of me knows i have no right to be, but the rest of me cant help it.

    He knew i something was wrong and as a result he said he loves me at least 20 times on our way home from the night in question. But i kind of feel like i dont deserve it.

    Need help with getting a hold of myself and controlling my jealousy or insecurities before they destroy my marriage
     
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2008
  2. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    ouch that sucks. you gotta relax. hes prolly faithful

    4am thing is prolly nothing
     
  3. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    Be ware the green eye'd monster of jealousy
    It doth mock the meet it feeds on.

    I did that play.

    I've never been married but I avoid thinking the things, and asking the questions that lead me towards that feeling.

    Maybe see a counsellor.
     
  4. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    I know he is faithful and he wouldn't do this to me i always knew it and i know it today but problem is i wasn't thinking that way yesterday. Issue at this point is entirely in me i shouldn't have tought or felt that way. I should of had more trust in him and his love and how much more different is from when he was with his exwife.
     
  5. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    OTvag = counsellor :o

    did that play too :)
     
  6. Peyton Manning

    Peyton Manning I love your mom a whole, whole lot.

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    .

    eskarinna, are you Eastern European? Just curious.
     
  7. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    you might be reading TOO MANY vag stories
     
  8. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    What are you insecure about then?

    Do you feel like you're fulfilling your duty as his wife?

    Is he fulfilling his duty as a husband to you?

    Has this happened before-you getting jealous like this?
     
  9. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    Maybe tell him that you liked her as a person but aren't comfortable with them being friends.

    It's you and him now. His ex-lovers shouldn't be all in your mix. This is the reason why.

    I hear that people have to work at a marriage, I'd say this is one of the things he has to do to keep his marriage with you sound and strong. Keeping the women from his past out of his life and your marriage. You're not two seperate individuals anymore.
     
  10. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    Now why would you ask that?
     
  11. M.E.

    M.E. New Member

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    I love female jealousy...fight for me...FIGHT FOR MY LOVE AND AFFECTION!
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :bowdown:

    usually I find your comments insipid and assume you are either unwilling, or ill-equipped, to produce anything of substance in this forum, but I definitely share your sentiment about vag stories.
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    This is the part that really jumped out at me.

    Is this a common problem?

    I kind of remember your story slightly. I remember you saying you'd been hurt by some guy a while back and it fucked you up a bit.

    I had control and jealous issues and I STILL find that control to rise up in me. I find myself thinking of really vindictive ways to make my ex-wife do what I want because in my head she's on a power trip. I have to consciously FORCE myself not to think like that, to push it out of my mind, and then I have to realize that I am not in control and I can't control what people do around me.

    It's tough. Professional therapy can help. As would blogging about your problems (or keeping a journal). Blogging was the single-most greatest growth tool I've used to date. It allows you to vent and it helps you to see solutions to your problems.

    ****

    As an aside, my ex-wife had a similar reaction as you did. We were in Walmart one night (when we were together) and I bumped into a girl I hadn't seen in YEARS and who I was very much "in love" (if you can call it that lol--infatuated is a better word) with back then. We talked for a few minutes about things and caught up.

    At the time, I felt absolutely NOTHING for this girl anymore. But the times we spent together back then flashed through my mind.

    Later, when we were in the car, my ex-wife reamed me out with jealous accusations about how she could see in my eyes that I still had a thing for her and that she had a thing for me. I told her it was complete bullshit, and it was.

    What she PROBABLY saw was the "remembering" of those previous times and the sheer kinship/friendship that was between us before being manifested.

    My guess is that you see that friendship and it worries you.
     
  14. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    Hmm insecure because we are a family and as such we have our good times and our not so good times. He and her what they had was entirely sexual no problems or daily trivial stuff to affect the passion and atraction. She was also skinnier, blond and more his age than me.

    I do and cant get enough

    he does

    The previous times i was jealous like this with my other bfs they all gave me good reasons. With him i have never been jealous before and its weird because i can see him fuck another girl, kiss her, touch her, look at her and not get jealous(in 3somes and 4 somes), we go to strip clubs and both get lap dances and i find it extremely hot and a huge turn on, i love look at him in this scenarious and observe his reactions or the way he looks at the dancers.
    I also have met his ex wife on many occasions and never got jealous or felt bothered except once. The one time i felt bothered was when he heard a tornado passed near by where she lives and called her to check how she is. I wasn't jealous but felt that he shouldn't be showing such an interest in her well being after all that they have been through. I certainly don't give a damn how any of my ex's are doing.
     
  15. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    lol oh come on! im getting better @ the substance part!
     
  16. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    Viper my reaction wasn't based solely on the look of his eyes or the way he smiled or his body language. It was based on what he said in few situations. like compliments(you can wear what you are wearing right now unless you are naked then that wont work for this restaurant "noone wants to see me naked" him: Oh please), or show of protection (does your man treat you right or should i go and beat some sence into him) etc etc
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You are not worried about him fucking another girl.

    You are worried that another girl can take him away from you.

    There's a difference between being jealous of your SO fucking someone and worrying that someone might be a "better match" than you and can take him away from you.

    He's chosen YOU over HER though. And he's done that for a reason.
     
  18. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    I wouldn't ever want to dictate who my husband is a friend with and who not. Thats controlling and i am not
     
  19. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

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    =] thanks makes sence

    altough i know he wouldn't leave me, i think i am just worried about him being emotionaly attached to someone else.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That's cool, you have pride
     
  21. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    Who said dictate? I said tell him you're not comfortable with it.
     
  22. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :bowrofl:

    YOu crack me the fuck up.
     
  23. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    And if you don't dictate who your husband is friends with then stay away from watching him with ex fuck buddies. That might spare you the horror of seeing him "light up" when he's with them.
     
  24. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Honestly I think flirting with someone while you're in a relationship can be healthy, as long as it is mild, occasional, and understood that the flirting would never be acted upon. The 4am thing was probably a fluke, and you shouldn't be too worried if you were at dinner with them.
     
  25. 2angelmd

    2angelmd New Member

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    You missed the part where the person he was flirting with was an old fuck buddy, and that is was in front of his wife? You don't think that was the least bit disrespectful?

    Flirting is fine, I agree, but this is different because of their past together.
     

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