LGBT The gay man's Cardinal Sin:

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by bioyuki, May 12, 2004.

  1. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    Falling in love with his straight best friend right?

    Anyways up through high school, I wasn't really attracted to any of my good friends which was good thing I guess. I did have a few small crushes on guys on my team but that was more lust than attraction I think and I didn't hang out with them too much outside of school and if it was we were probably getting drunk or something.

    This year though I met a really cool guy downstairs during the first week of school and we started hanging out a lot, just friend stuff. I thought he was pretty cute but he's completely straight so I said whatever, he's just a good friend. As the year went on I started noticing little things about him that I thought were cute and generally just starting to like him as way more than a friend. I know he's straight, he'd never be interested in me, etc. but I still can't help but liking him. Its bad too cause its not a stupid crush or something, I honestly like him, like the whole package.

    Its gotten to the point where when we hang out or something I feel like I have an alterior motive and I'm not being a pure friend or something. Case in point, last weekend we all got really shitfaced and he had just shaved his head. He was telling everyone to rub his head and I of course did. It felt pretty damn good and I started thinking how great would it be if I just took his head and kissed him right now. Then I realized that I was still holding onto his head, spacing out into fantasyland, and he was looking at me kinda weird.

    So what do you guys do about this stuff? I try to draw lines that I won't cross and so far I haven't. I don't want to stop hanging out with him cause he's one of my best friends up here. He knows I'm gay and is totally cool with it but I think if I told him I genuinely liked him he'd still get weirded out by it. I hate it cause I feel like I can't be a good friend when I like him. I dunno, I guess I'll just wait and hope this passes :hs:
     
  2. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    I would do the best I can to give myself a reality check before spending time with him. You need to remind yourself that he is straight and not interested and if you cross that line with him, you not only could get yourself hurt, but you could lose a very close and valuable friend in the process. It's not worth it.
     
  3. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    *sigh*

    Yes, this happens to all of us. And we all think that this time it's different. This time, WE hold a special power to make him like us in return.

    And it never works out.

    Put your feelings in check and find someone who will return your feelings. You deserve someone who will give you the love you desire.
     
  4. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    This last sentence hits home. :o
     
  5. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    Right after I graduated, i met this guy steve and I swore he was gay. He was a wrestler, he had a lisp, and was totally homophobic. And he had a cute butt :big grin: kekeke I sorta had this crush on him all summer long and then i finally got over it.

    Another time, i was drunk at my 20th b-day and making out with some chick and approached my straight best friend at the time joking around for a threesome. Someone told me what i did the next day and I was totally embarassed and called him up and apologized. He laughed it off.

    There was another time with that same friend though that me and like 10 other friends were all on a waterbed at this house my friend was housesitting. We were more or less smothered on top of one another and Matt ended up right on top of me and I grabbed his hand on accident thinking it was my friend's Jennys. He said you have my hand and i was like oh and didn't let go and he didn't mind. We sorta just stayed like that for awhile til another friend turned on the lights, saw Matt on top of me and screamed out WHAT THE HELL!?!?! :big grin:
     
  6. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    :rofl: :rofl:
     
  7. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Okay, I am absolutely the wrong person to ask this question… I have a bad history with these things. You may recall my referring to myself as a social lubricant and what not? Well, I have this way of converting str8t men. I feel really bad about it most of the time, because I feel like I’m perpetuating stereotypes that I don’t approve of. Anyway, most of my queer activist friends feel that I am a DL Enabler. Because I have a lot of str8t friends who start to feel their first same-sex attraction towards me, and then stuff starts to happen. Some just come out at bi or even gay. Some still cling to their heterosexuality, claiming that I am the exception. All in all, I feel bad. I think that somehow my being CoCo is manipulating the situation…? I have this pesky lil habit of friendly flirting. It’s all innocent… And when I seriously want you, you will know, but for the most part, I emanate sexual innuendo and the like. So, I tended to find a lot of friends in my bed. My best childhood friend was my first love…and lover. To htis day he still claims he is str8t and practically is str8t—except when he is with me, who he still heavily flirts with). Yes, I draw lines of things I will not do; I say I wont corrupt this person or that. (For example, and I posted this before; I will allow my str8t male friends to sleep in my bed, but I will not do anything with them (apart from sharing warmth) until they admit that they are someone other than str8t and are willing to eventually (sooner than later) come out). I have to establish these boundaries because I have the potential to really be, as friends suggest, a DL Enabler…

    My advice to you, is don’t fall for the str8t best friend. My most recent ex, and current love, used to be my str8t best friend. Then he courted me in college, all while holding fast to the guise of being str8t. He took me out to Church Point (a shore front on my campus) every night at 3am and just talked for hours, before going back to my room, and back to bed. He took me out every day to eat off campus. He said I love you first. He initiated a sexual relationship with me, and then asked me to not talk about it publicly. He caused me the greatest pain imaginable when he wanted to move off campus together and ‘make a home’ for our last two years in college. He freaked out, and broke off the relationship saying we were moving too fast. He then wanted to remain friends (w/ benefits). I had to put an end to it. And so must you. Trust me that the pain outweighs the pleasure, unless he is willing to go public…(as if everyone didn’t already know….)
     
  8. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    :rofl: [​IMG]:rofl:
     
  9. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    My dog is lesbian, but not the man hating type. I still love her, even if I know she doesn't love me the same way back. :(
     
  10. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    It's happened to me multiple times, exactly like that... it does eventually pass... but boy is it shitty until that happens :hs:
     
  11. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    :hs::sad2:

    Thanks guys hopefully this will pass soon...and :rofl: @ marxwa99
     
  12. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ...as you should.
     
  13. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    kekeke

    concerning your dilemma bioyuki, I was worried about the same thing as you are about steve (the straight guy who I met graduated). I was thinking gee, am i really being a pure friend or am I just really talking to him cause i think hes cute. In the end, steve did become a really close friend. Although he says he isn't gay :rolleyes:, he is someone I really found I could confide in and vice versa. I helped him lose of the gay stereotypes he believed and was just always there if he needed someone to talk to.

    I think friendships come naturally and you wouldnt have liked this guy if you hadn't seen good qualities from when you first met him. The feelings and the crush will probably fade away in time and you two can move onward as friends. I know I'm repeating what everyone else as said but I guess extra reassurance is never bad. :)
     
  14. bioyuki

    bioyuki Ich habe Angst

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    :cool: thanks
     
  15. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    JESUS!

    Okay, so maybe I'm a bad queer. I have this really bad habit of falling for my str8t friends, slightly almost innocently flirting, and then converting/confusing them! I don't mean to do it, buuut I do. And then they get all confused, and pull this 'I'm not gay, I'm just interested in you' thing. My queer friends call me a DL Enabler, but I'm anti-DL! REALLY!!

    So on to my problem at hand... This guy who was my summer friend way back in Native American Camp (...don't ask...), is in my area and will be for the summer. This guy and I used to do the whole 2-on-1 thing when we chased and tag-teamed the girls for summer romances, and Native bonding rituals (basically making us as close as brothers in everyone's eyes). He was the guy that I did the whole non-sexual nude swimming in the lake thing, or completely non-sexual showers together (I guess, what str8t guys do all of the time...without the sexual tension). Basically, we were close. He always assumed I was str8t because we would fuck girls and what not (bisexuality not being an option in youth, seemingly)... Obviously, we have always stayed close, even though he lived in Florida and I in Maryland.

    AND lemme tell you how I was outed to him. In college, I was out this nude birthday party, and my AIM away message said,
    "Well, %n, it looks like the cat's cleaned up, showered, exfoliated, powdered, lip-balmed, gay-Guccied, and dragged me OUT for a very nonheteronormative night! LETS PARTY!! It's times like these when I just love the 3 F's…

    …flatter me, feed me, and fuck me…"

    I got home to find this message from him: "that was a very non-str8t away message. Do tell (no hate, much luv regardless)!! As soon as you get in, call me." I got in, I called him, and I answered all of his questions. SOOoooo, times goes by, and we are still good friends. And out of the blue, he calls me today and tells me that he is in town, and will be here all summer during prep work for med school.. And we sooo talked for 3 hours. And I swear, if he was queer, he'd be my perfect man and you wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off his body. He wants to hang out and everything, and I fear what will happen. I don't wanna corrupt another str8t boy.

    Seriously, I don't wanna commit the gay man's Cardinal Sin, buuuut what do I do when he is starting to show the signs??

    *Bad sign #1, we are talking and his gurl back home keeps calling him, and he gets pissed because she is ‘interrupting our time’.

    *Bad sign #2, he is casually (innocently??) flirting with me.

    *Bad sign #3, he asked about my queer Sundays of movie and QAF, claiming he’s interested in meeting my friends.

    *Bad sign #4, he wants me to take him to get a manicure (usually, not an issue, but when coupled with everything else…..)

    **ALTHOUGH he claims he is completely str8t and could never be gay, but ‘doesn’t have a problem with it’ because I’m ‘mad cool’…

    ***AND called me complaining during the school year cause one of his boys came out to him and was trying to get with him.
     
  16. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    He is on the phone with me now asking me to do a queer eye on him...
    :wiggle:
     
  17. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    :dunno: Maybe he's a "try anything once kind of guy".

    Just be careful with your heart.
     
  18. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I don't know what to say, Sam... I just don't wanna get him all confused, because I'm a sucker for a good man. And he 'gets confused' and makes a pass at me, can I really turn him down?? Or will I rationalize the possibility that he just might turn out queer and get pass my being a man because I'm everything he has ever wanted...


    Dammit, the smarter the person, the harder and further they fall when in love. I always told myself that I'd never luv him in that way, too....
     
  19. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Yeah, we can't help who we fall for sometimes.

    Just be true to you and the answers will be clear. (God, I sound like Mr. Miagi from The Karate Kid or some shit)
     
  20. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Yea...LOL :rofl:

    Although I'm young, I've never not been wise. But damn if the heart doesn't blind the most insightful of people, blinding them from wise decisions. We shall see what happens, and I'll keep ya posted.
     
  21. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    So, I'm on the phone with him now, and he wants to be my 'personal trainer'... He says that with all of the great cooking that I do, I've put on lil too much weight, and have not really worked the gym into my real-world schedule since college....hehe. He's just said, "you were always hot (for a guy), and now you have the cute face, cute personality, and the cute style, buuuut you let your once-cute body kinda go.... I'll whip you back into shape. No longer will your only exercise be dancing, shopping, and sex! …but only if that’s cool with you…?"

    :eek3:
     
  22. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    :eek3:

    He gay.
     
  23. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    He's a friend, and has always been str8t.

    But, as you know, my influence can be bad at times.... :sadwavey: (if you're str8t)
     
  24. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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