SRS The "Friend Zone" **vent**

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Vheissus310, Jun 8, 2006.

  1. Vheissus310

    Vheissus310 New Member

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    Hello Offtopic!!! before I start I just wanna say how great this community is and how I'm glad to be apart of it now :) currently looking for a avatar but its all good.


    Im 19

    Ok here is my story, Ive been friends with this girl for like 3 years and in those 3 years we have dated and officially been a couple. Unfortunately things got rocky about 2 months ago but we had broken up long before that.

    Well heres my situation, This girl was my first love... I stayed away from any other girls or any "bad" situations even when I wasnt officially with her. Ive had strong feeling for her for the longest time but after she kind of killed our "best friend relationship" about a two months ago my feelings have changed... I've since dated two other girls who were awesome but could not take the hint that I was just looking for a good friend... What I have learned since my departure of my 3 year friend is that I don't feel that I need another person in my life. I believe in order to live a happy life with another is to be satisfied with your own life. Well heres where it gets a little tricky...


    My best friend or my ex has been contacting me and tells me shes ready to begin a relationship... She sounds dead serious but I don't really have feelings for her anymore... Should I just push her away? Let these feelings she has for me die? Tell her I dont really "love" her? I mean Ive been hanging out with her for the past 3 days and Im starting to feel scared of the rejection that might come by again... All I want in life is a simple girl who wont cheat and be faithful. I'm not sure If I trust her... OT what to do? My feeling seem like there still there for her but im not sure... I know when I'm drunk my feeling come back but ugh.... thats only If im drunk around her... Shes currently on meds for depression and anxiety...

    I'm not really looking into starting a new relationship even though it would be nice... eh I'm a little lost at the moment and wondering what to do... She told me that "she doesnt want any other "guy" in her life... and out of all the guys shes dated she never really feels comfortable. She also seems like she has a really hard time commiting and lose interest fast in relationships.


    She has a really bad past but I was willing to forgive her and put it in the past but she cant seem to get over it so tahts one thing that always held us from a solid relationship... do you think im just her comfort zone?:hsugh:
     
  2. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    My advice would be to stay away from her. Usually though, people end up doing it anyway because they are too weak I guess to stand up and tell the person that they aren't interested.
    After 3 years, if it would have worked... it would have already. On top of that, you aren't interested in that way anymore. Finally, she's depressed and has anxiety. This girl is NOT ready for a real relationship. If you do get into one with someone who has mental problems/instability then you will regreat it when it falls apart and ends badly.

    Stick to your feelings of it not being right, and keep dating other girls.
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    If you're not feeling the spark, tell her so. That way she can get on with her life knowing the truth of the matter.
     
  4. Everin

    Everin New Member

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    by being nice and trying not to reject her in the end you'll hurt her more, if you really dont have feelings for her, if you want somthing simple or stable she doesnt seem to be it...
     
  5. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Don't string her along. It's the worst possible thing you can do. Be an adult, not a child, and just sit her down and say you don't feel that way for her anymore. Tell her it's friends or nothing, and if she can't handle that, it'll be nothing. Regardless she needs her space from you to accept that it's died out and if she can handle a friendship or not. When she's ready for one, she'll get ahold of you, until then, the best thing you can do is give her her space, but only after you've told her how you feel.

    If you two grow into something more again someday, so be it, but it won't be until you've completely started over as friends and matured into two new people to see if it'd be right to give it another go or not, and if she's on meds and you two haven't really taken enough space/time apart to grow on your own - you're still the same two people; the same two people who didn't work out.
     
  6. Vheissus310

    Vheissus310 New Member

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    Ya I mean at first I was always next to her waiting for her every move and eventually we broke off and since than Ive lost feelings... I felt like I deserved better and what not... so What it comes down to is she says shes always felt safe and always liked me but was scared to ruin our "friendship"... I though eh BS right... anyways I was like ok whatever pretty much it hurt but we got some space apart from eachother for about 2 months and I finally felt comfortable enough to just to be friends.... It appears that she says she now realizes that She doesnt want anyone else... she wants me ... So now they way I felt about her is the way she now feels about me... what angers me is that she had sex with some other guy during our break but eh whatever right... its her life?!?!?

    Only thing that really keeps me around is her family... aunts uncles everyone talks about me since Ive been around the family for about 3 years... hmmm I dont know what to do... I mean do I still "love" her or am I just trying to find a reason to try and make it work for her? Im a little confused but I know im over her now...

    I think we have both matured since our last breakup about 2 months ago but I feel that shes just going through a phase where she misses me... O ya she has been on anti-depressants and all that stuff for the last 3 years... since her first love... :wtc:
     
  7. Pimp D

    Pimp D New Member

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    what angers me is that she had sex with some other guy during our break but eh whatever right... its her life?!?!?

    If she just went off and had sex with some guy and then had a realization that she still loves you then she has issues beyond your control. IMO you should just tell her that you lost interests in her and maybe you can still be friends. I would not date her again though because if you don't want this to happen again, you should not risk it. So if she gets pissed again and goes after another guy again, then you'll be right back where you started.You already stated you were angry at her for it and if it's something that totally pissed you off (which it would have pissed me off) then you should just move on. She'll have to understand and be the one who learns something from this. You already know what happened at what you want.
     

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