The ex came over last night...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Boudreaux, Oct 31, 2007.

  1. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    After a short "i don't want to talk to you for a while" period after a breakup early summer, we started hanging out. Eventually started making out, and then started having sex again. Over the course of the past month we've had sex 3 times, only once was it while intoxicated. She is a huge "its wrong to have pre-marital sex" person. While i wasn't her first, i was her first seriously sexually active relationship.

    Last night she confronted me and told me we can no longer have any type of physical relationship, because its too awkward for her. she said " i don't sleep naked with my normal friends, and i don't have sex with my normal friends, and i don't make out with my normal friends"

    She cited things such as "in the heat of the moment i can't stop myself, and i need to be with someone who cares enough about me to help me stop."
    Mind you she never verbally or physically attempted to get me to stop, and the couple of times she did say "we can't do this" i did stop.

    She said she resented me for things, but my argument is that i'm not responsible for her decisions, only my own. I told her I wanted to share sex with her because of how i genuinely feel for her, to which she responded "you aren't sharing it with me, you're imposing something i don't really want on me".

    She admitted she doesn't have the self control to stop in the heat of the moment, and i told her that that isn't my problem. I straight up told her i'm not responsible for that, and that she needed to take responsibility for her decisions and accept the consequences of them. That is part of being a mature adult. She made the point that if i really cared for her i'd listen to what she wanted, and thats to wait for marriage, or at least at this point salvage what she can of her chastity i suppose.

    I know this is extremely scattered, and i'll make some revisions after I wake up a little more this AM. I do feel bad, and i honestly never bothered to look at it from the point of view she was describing: that i don't really care for her because i'm imposing a physicality she apparently doesn't want.

    But is it really my bad? I mean, she is an adult, and she made advances just as much as i did. I don't feel she should resent me and be all pussy hurt about the situation because she doesn't harbor the self control that i do. I dunno, thoughts? I expect a lot of questions.
     
  2. jared_IRL

    jared_IRL OT Supporter

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    shes trying to push off the responsibility of her actions onto you.

    You were absolutely right on with how you responded. As a functioning adult, she and she alone is responsible for the removal of her panties.

    I'd say that at this point you need to quietly just stop responding to her phone calls and requests to hang out. No good can come from a person who claims they can't control their own actions, and that the decisions they make are your fault.
     
  3. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    she kept trying to tell me "i'm not blaming you", but thats pretty much what it sounded like to me.
     
  4. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :rofl: at her trying to save something imaginary for marraige, failing miserably, then trying to save "whats left" of it.
     
  5. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    no, its her bad. you shouldn't argue with her about this but say "yeah i know, ill try to be better" therefore taking responsibility, removing guilt from her, and getting to hit it over and over again.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I think you need to fuck her again.

    Fuck what she says, she's just SAYING that to asage (is that a word? lol) her guilt.

    Here's a clear cut case of where you should never listen to what a girl tells you. Always listen to what she DOES to you.

    She's fucking you...that means she probably still has feelings for you or else she wouldn't be trying to get you to stop. It's "awkward" for her because she has feelings for you and you are just using her for sex.

    So here's the deal...you can probably continue fucking this girl if you want, but keep in mind she probably has feelings for you. If you care about her at all, you'll either shit or get off the pot. Meaning, either give her a relationship or get away from her.

    That is if you truly care for her. If you don't, then her feelings really shouldn't mean anything to you and by all means keep tapping that until she stops it for good.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I would find this funny if it happened to me.

    Don't take it seriously.

    Here's what I'd do. Fuck her again, but this time, AS it is escalating "in the heat of the moment", tell her I'm not sure because I don't want to impose anything on her. Reverse psychology that shit until she has given me consent 19089 times just in order to fuck me. That will sway the balance of future conversations.

    Next time she brings it up I can then say, "I tried to stop you but you kept going. You kept turning me on with your [X hot move she does]. What am I supposed to do when you [Y hot move she does]."

    Chances are she will in that second conversation do X and Y hot moves and that will lead to more fucking. Am I making sense to anyone or is this incoherent?
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So...this may seem odd. But, if you're not interested in getting back together with her, why not just say "OK bye" after she said you two can no longer have a physical relationship?

    This girl is hilarious...she claims to think that pre-marital sex is wrong, yet has had sex at least 3 times?
     
  9. jared_IRL

    jared_IRL OT Supporter

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    coherent and brilliant!
     
  10. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    I think she's trying to force you into a relationship again. Although willingly fucking you, she's trying to hint towards something. I'd say by laying this all on the table for you, and quoting you as "a normal friend" she's trying to say she wants more then that.

    Back the fuck up and run.
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    <women>

    </women>

    oh btw, definitely don't consider a serious relationship with this girl again. She has just informed you of a serious character flaw of hers. It would suck for you to fall in love with her and then she's attracted to some other dude and ends up cheating on you because "in the heat of the moment she can't stop herself."

    If you want to have fun with this, give her shit for having such strong values (no pre-marital sex) but simultaneously being unable to control her urges. Not that I'd go there, but depending on your level of influence you could give her some issues.

    </dark side>
     
  12. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    Let me state it plainly:

    She doesn't have "those" type of feelings for me, she admittidly (and i believe her) said that she has no romantic interest in me, and no desire to ever start a committed/serious relationship with me, while that really sucks because i know we could work, she has her mind made up.

    She doesn't want a relationship with me, she wants her ex so bad its rather disqusting (she's twiddling her thumbs waiting for him to get done with school and essentially decide what to do with her life, a view point i don't think she shares).

    She's convinced that her ex is the one for her, and she wants him badly enough, so thats fine. He has some issues with her having pre-marital sex, and "doesn't have everything figured out", so this poor girl is just dangling out there, haha. They very well may end up together.

    At this point in time, I would give her and I another shot, she is a great girl. She is really adamant about being friends, and i'm really good friends with her sister and her sisters LTR boyfriend, so totally closing the door to her is not a good option i don't think.
     
  13. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    and really, i'm more disturbed by the things she said than the fact that we can't have sex anymore.
     
  14. Doc Love

    Doc Love Guest

    Don't be disturbed, that's womanese for I like fucking you, I'm not trustworthy, but I will continue to use you if I feel like it. Move on, she's bad news.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    but at this point, you KNOW she isn't interested in you. And she told you she wasn't interested in being physical with you anymore. So, there's nothing left for you. So why waste your time continuing to talk to her.

    The best response, in my opinion would have been "OK, bye". You have better things to do than to listen to her prattle on if there is nothing to gin for it.
     
  16. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    i agree, however its not as thought i don't enjoy her company.

    I will say this though, after this whole long talk, i said, "i don't want you over here unless you going to sleep spoons with me"...she blurted something out...but i cut her off and said "i know you don't think its appropriate, and its not what you want, but its what i need right now."


    She slept over :wiggle:
     
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    you're just asking for drama.
     
  18. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    The word is "assuage" and yes I agree with what you're saying. She's trying to make herself feel better by blaming you for not "stopping" her, which is ludicrous. Shes an adult and should be able to handle herself in an adult relationship. Otherwise she should wear a chastity belt and throw the key away.
     
  19. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    She's too immature to take responsibility for her actions and is using you as her scapegoat. This makes her feel better about herself and not so guilty.
     
  20. Jessalynelaine

    Jessalynelaine New Member

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    dont have sex and lead her on if you two arent getting back together.
     
  21. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I had my ex tell me the same exact thing basically. In the heat of the moment she would want it and then afterwards she would feel guilty because we "weren't together" and she didn't think it was right/healthy for our friendship.

    Then she started the whole "if you cared about me then you wouldn't let me take it that far and you would stop it". Much like you, I thought this was ridiculous and that she was a grown adult and her actions were her own.

    Just to mess around though we once got pretty "in the moment" and after working her up and getting her uber-turned on I said "you don't want to do this... this isn't right, and we should stop". She nearly had a heart attack and more or less raped me :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    We don't hook nearly as often as we used to but after that I told her to never give me crap about us hooking up again.
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Personally I love drama. :o

    Unfortuntely I don't see that much drama here. I hung out with a girl who I loved as a friend and who would sleep with me, without romantic emotional involvement. She had some weird cultural values from her Chinese parents. She would say things kind of like this. It didn't matter a damn. Eventually she got over the values and just enjoyed hereslf.
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd: Make her face her own hypocrisy. It's better for her to do that anyway than to keep living in conflict, but NOT realize she's living in conflict, and then blame the actions that she conflicts with herself about on other people.
     
  24. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Sounds to me like she is insulting your intelligence, laying on a guilt trip,while denying you sex....all at the same!

    She doesnt want you. She isnt respectful to you. And she shows no regard for your feelings. There is no sexual relationship.....and that is no friend either.

    Who's got the time or patience to play such games. Abort, find new, willing puss with less drama.
     
  25. FlakBait

    FlakBait New Member

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    guilt trip :ugh: screw that
     

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