The everexistent EX.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by benson304, Mar 19, 2008.

  1. benson304

    benson304 OT Supporter

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    Alright so I'll start this story with a history of the relationship I've had with the EX.

    We started hooking up after my high school graduation in 2004, but it never moved past that, we both went off to different schools, didn't really talk. Then Spring Break in 05 we met up and ended up starting a relationship, it was always long distance during the school year, maybe 2 hours between us. When we were home for breaks and long weekends we lived 5 mins apart and saw each other almost daily. We dated until September 06, when we both decided a mutual break up would be good.

    She attempted to maintain a friendship following that break up, I heard things about how she was dating through my friend who hung out with her at school. I mainly brushed these things off because we were single people and free to do whatever we wished.

    So Winter break rolls around we start hanging out, hook up(not sex), end up deciding to try things out again and go from there. Of course this decision was made with the knowledge she'd be in DC for the semester...yeah tell me about that....ugh.

    We stayed together until September 07, she had graduated in May, and moved to New Hampshire to work at the TV station up there in late July. I still had a year left of school but we were going to try to keep things going since she wasn't too far from my hometown. Once I got to school, things changed, she came out to visit once, went back to NH, called me and said that she needed time to think about things something about how the physical relationship was hard not to have since we were far apart. Not like we had been doing that for 2 years or anything..oh wait...

    So we broke up again, I started dating someone like a month later, probably way too soon, but whatever, that only lasted until the end of January. Throughout this time the EX was trying to maintain contact, emails here, phone calls there, it was tough when I was dating because of the internal conflict, but now that I'm really single I responded, probably a mistake I don't know.

    Sunday she sent me an email to catch up, I responded, we met up yesterday for drinks cause she was in town, ended up coming back to my house and we hooked up(no sex, bad time of the month for her, good timing for me I guess ;)). So obviously we're both like wow didn't expect this, although I sort of did.

    Today, we meet up again, I had to go to the mall to get some CPA review books(WICKED exciting), she needed to get a present for her stepfather's birthday. We ended up just walking around for the most part, things are the same as they had been, holding hands sometimes, went to Victoria's Secret she's showing me things asking me if she'd like me to wear them for her etc.

    We ended up coming back to my house again and we hooked up again, both of us were like so what now? I told her that I needed time to think about everything, she basically told me she was ready to get back together and would do anything for me, I'm her "perfect guy".


    End backstory.

    Now of course I'm conflicted about all of this. I haven't been really, truly single, save for the last 6 months, since like Junior year of high school. I am now 2 months away from graduating college with a job lined up in September working in Boston. I am also starting grad school a week after graduation at UMass, which is around an hour and a half from home and I'll be there until August, home for a month, then working my ass off till the next summer for school again, then I'm done, probably will move out and continue working in the city.

    She will be in Manchester, NH for the next year+, she has a contract through July 2009, and who knows what will happen after that, she wants to try to work in Needham for a Boston channel, but it's the tv news business, pretty hard to know what's going to happen in her career. I'll be working as an Audit associate for a big international Accounting firm out of Boston, and have a 2 year contract starting in Sept. 08, so I know where I'm going to be for at least 2 years, probably longer.

    I am conflicted in this situation because I do still have feelings for this girl and being that we have a very long established history, it's still easy to get along with her, we have a great time together, and sexually we work wonderfully. I just don't know if I should continue to be in a relationship right now, I feel like I need time to just figure myself out more than anything else. I also know from a friend that after we broke up this girl said that "If he(me) had asked me to marry him I would totally do it" so that scares me being 21 years old. I have no plans of getting engaged let alone married anytime soon.

    Should I take the time off and just do my own thing and tell her exactly how I feel and leave it open for the future? There is of course the risk that she takes it as alright that's done with for good, moving on, but from her past it doesn't seem likely at all. Do I go for it and enter back into where I was 6 months ago and hope things go fine? Advice is appreciated.


    If you actually read all of that, I applaud you. And thanks for any advice in advance. Let me know if anything needs clearing up.
     
  2. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    Bingo.
     
  3. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    id say let things be and once you are in a position to pick up and move to be with the chick, then see how things are. For now it probably isnt fair to either of you to hold yourselves to a LDR.

    I have a shady idea of LDRs though.

    Do your shit in boston, if she ends up getting there, see how it flies. If not, then do your thing
     
  4. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Do your thing but maintain contact... you can always rekindle the fire in the future when you both are older and more mature...
     
  5. curious_jane

    curious_jane New Member

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    I dont know how to put this properly but I think youre being a bit naive to think that somehow you guys are going to work it out and finally get together. HOW MANY times have you guys broken up and gotten back together?! Shes seemingly very restless, do you really think that she is really capable of maintaining a relationship at this point? another LDR, then MAYBE possibly getting jobs in the same city and trying to make it work again? Distance is just another excuse. If its not the miles between you it'll be something else.

    I say continue to browse the singles world. enjoy. experiment. whatever it is you young singles boys do. When you feel like settling down and she happens to be in the picture and is wanting that too then hooray for you guys. Dont waste time breaking up and making up, when you could be hooking up :naughty:

    Hope that'll help you in some way. hope this all works out for you:x:
     
  6. benson304

    benson304 OT Supporter

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    That is also how I feel, I told her that I can't keep up with this back and forth on and off stuff, it's just not something I should have to deal with.

    The long distance thing gets to you after awhile, you guys are all spot on there, especially when it's been long distance from day 1 except for the three months every summer and one month in the winter. I mean we're not talking amazing distances here, if I am working and living at home and she stays where she is, it's an hours drive, a drive people do daily for their commutes into Boston.

    I just think that it would be best not to jump into anything right now, like Vysion said, keep contact, but don't close myself off and see what happens in the future. I've already tried to show her this is how I feel but like I said I haven't had this discussion completely with her yet.

    There are just so many maybes and what-ifs involved that it's like a sort of evil lottery, we could win big, or both be worse off in the end. I do think that she is down to give it her all this time, she seemed to need time to settle into her new job, which stressed her out last September and was one of the reasons we broke it off.

    If anyone has any more insight I'm all ears, thanks everyone who has replied, you've helped clear up my thoughts on the situation.
     
  7. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    This is a tough situation man.. it sounds like you two really do work well together it's just the LD that has been making things rough. I think the best thing to do is figure out if either of you are willing to compromise your future plans for each other. This doesn't mean giving up school or work, but maybe looking for a job in each others' town. That would be a very serious move and you will either cherish the decision for a long time, or thoroughly regret it.

    If you two get along as well as it was implied, then I think if you stay in touch there is a good chance you can work things out in the future.
     
  8. k1ko

    k1ko OT Supporter

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    I loled at this part....

    "to Victoria's Secret she's showing me things asking me if she'd like me to wear them for her etc."

    What did you end up wearing, the one with the pink lace?
     
  9. benson304

    benson304 OT Supporter

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    Haha I wrote this quickly, obviously a mistake but good catch. ;)

    And Crimson, I think you're right, we get along so well that the only factor that really causes friction is the fact that we aren't close together.

    It sucks because we live close but just not close enough, an hour is a long way just to go see someone on a whim. It's a lot different than just across town.

    She says she'll do whatever she needs to to lessen the distance issue, come visit me at school, home, wherever, to her it is that important. I just need to figure out if I can handle the distance, and the fact that I have been single for a long time. Although I don't know if that should really be a factor.
     

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