SRS The closer it gets to Xmas, the more depressed I'm becoming.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Green Bastard, Dec 18, 2005.

  1. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    This is the first time I've had no special other person in my life for Xmas in 6-7 years. And it's causing me a lot of grief and distress. I couldn't care less about Xmas this year. I've bought gifts for my family and closest friends like usual, but really don't give a shit about xmas. If it didn't happen, I wouldn't miss it. Hell, if I just vanished into the forest, people wouldn't really notice me gone, either.

    I've developed a bad attitude the past 2-3 months, don't really give a fuck about what other people think, have made ignorant remarks and don't care who hears them.

    The only people I'm being civilized towards are my closest friends, family, and the ex. Everyone else can fuckoff and die, for all I care.

    I've stared to smoke a lot of weed (I smoked it once every few months before, but now it's a few times a week), and drink more. And I don't care.


    Anyone else getting the bad winter/Xmas depression?
     
  2. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

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    Yeah, i too am becoming more depressed the closer it gets to christmas. i dont have a girlfriend, and havent really had one for like 2.5 years. also, i dont have a job, and my money is starting to run very low. i have a kid that i would like to buy a christmas present or 2, but i also need to pay child support and rent, all of which are very important. i am trying very hard to find a job, but there just isnt anything available, and i am starting to get scared. i tried quitting smoking, but the stress started getting to me, so i started smoking again, and drink more as well.

    wish i had some advice for you. :hug:

    i guess just keep telling yourself things will get better one day. :dunno:
     
  3. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I guess I'm lucky to have a job and not have any kids.


    But I still hate this.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You can't force off happyness just because it is christmas especially not when your void of love. You know you don't have to listen to everything other people say, actually other people can bring you down.

    You see life is what you make of it, same counts for christmas , smoking weed won't give long term happyness, why don't you give yourself a gift this year, namely giving yourself another chance for love to expand in your heart, and trying to make the best of it, as you might know that negativity will lead you to nowhere. You see, what you want in your life is a girl that isn't selfish in her heart, and simularwhise you have to be able to exchange love with others to become truelly happy. :love:
     
  5. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I guess I"m a little greedy, then , because all I can think of is how much I was looking forward to our christmas together. I miss her like nothing I've ever encountered.
     
  6. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    I know just how you feel Green Bastard. I was getting over my ex who is in new york now, and she is back around for the holidays. I spent one day with her and I'm right back feeling like fucking shit and missing her so bad. Hang in there man
     
  7. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I probably will be seeing her around the next 2 weeks too since she's back home. Might be good, might be bad, but it's gonna cause me a lot of grief.
     
  8. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    no good can come from it.
     
  9. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    We've kept in touch since the breakup ---friends first, and friends again. She's home for Xmas break, but will be gone again in a couple weeks.
     
  10. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Well, she popped in where I work (garage) for gas today. Damn she looked better now than ever, but that's probably just my heart speaking.

    We talked a little, but I have a busy job and don't get to socialize much.

    After she left, my heart sank and I started feeling ill, because she drove off. FUCK I can't handle this!
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    So now that you've had a little taste...are you SURE you want to see more of her during xmas?

    Please take everyone's advice offered, and don't see her. There is no point, unless you like inflicting pain on yourself. Can you imagine actually seeing her in a social setting, say a friend's house for an xmas party, people mingling, drinks flowing, you chat with her, seems good right?

    But then something happens, and the fantasy shatters into a million pieces. Maybe she mentions "HIS" name. Maybe you see another guy try to hold her hand (now that you two are apart). Maybe you see her playfully sharing a drink or some food with some guy.

    The mind instantly sears white hot, get the FUCK OFF HER you scream. And rightfully so, those impulses are hardwired in from years and years of being together. Except...she's not yours anymore. All eyes in the party look at you. You overhear voices, some saying "oh yeah, that's his ex", others, less kind, saying "wtf? that dude is losing it. jerk"

    And the final insulting reminder, is that she does not leave the party with you. You get to go home alone.

    Are you sure you want all that?
    The wound will heal faster if you don't keep picking at it. Seriously.

    Stay well bro. Get through this time in one piece.
     
  12. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I know for a fact that this wound won't heal, and not because we stay in contact. It's being WITHOUT her that hurts too much. I've never been in a relationship as intense and fulfilling as the last year I spent with her. I'd do anything in the world to make it right between us again. I don't want to sever ties with her. She's too nice a person, too close a friend (before the relationship we were good friends) to end it like that. It's just not something I'd do.
     
  13. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Remember, you broke up for a reason though, and as long as you still hold on to such intense feelings for her you won't allow yourself to move on, and possibly find someone else tht is right for you.
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Bro, you're not severing ties with her. Dude, you're so deep in denial you can't see it, except you're also intelligent which is why you're able to easily rationalise a way around things.

    You're NOT severing ties. You're taking a little time for yourself. To heal yourself further. A little personal time won't sever all ties.

    And hear this: if she's as wonderful as you say she is, she will understand and promote your health and healing.


    The wound won't ever fully heal? Not if you don't let it.
    If you want, it can heal. Everything can heal. If you want it to.

    I know it hurts right now. But give it time.
     
  15. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I hurt myself today
    to see if I still feel
    I focus on the pain
    the only thing that's real
    the needle tears a hole
    the old familiar sting
    try to kill it all away
    but I remember everything
    what have I become?
    my sweetest friend
    everyone I know
    goes away in the end
    and you could have it all
    my empire of dirt

    I will let you down
    I will make you hurt

    I wear this crown of thorns
    upon my liar's chair
    full of broken thoughts
    I cannot repair
    beneath the stains of time
    the feelings disappear
    you are someone else
    I am still right here

    what have I become?
    my sweetest friend
    everyone I know
    goes away in the end
    and you could have it all
    my empire of dirt

    I will let you down
    I will make you hurt

    if I could start again
    a million miles away
    I would keep myself
    I would find a way
     
  16. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    Maybe you should go and see a doctor. Your obsession doesn't seem healthy :(
     
  17. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    I get more depressed as the year ends because I have this mentality that I should've accomplished more in 2005, even though I completed every objective that I had in mind.

    So... where's the NWS? No Green Bastard thread is complete without NWS!
     
  18. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    :hs: I don't have the accomplishment complex, except for letting the relationship die.
     
  19. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

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    i have heard that the time it takes to get over an ex is half the time the relationship lasted (e.g. 2 yr relationship = 1 yr to get over it) in time you will move on. it took me a while to get over my ex, and i didnt really want to. i didnt want to have to go through all the "work" of getting to know another girl and letting someone get so close to me again. after a while, you will realize that it isnt going to happen and that you have to make yourself happy.

    maybe you should ask your ex out for dinner or drinks or something, and tell her how you feel. she might feel the same, and then problem solved, she might not, and you might be able to move on quicker. not sure though, might just hurt yourself more.
     
  20. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Well, she is home for another week, so I should ask her to lunch or something. I know it's probably the LEAST recommended course of action, but I can't stop thinking about her. And everyone keeps telling me we were such a nice couple. Even her mom and dad, little sister, brothers, and grandparents miss me, as I do them.
     
  21. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

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    i agree, its probably the least recommended course of action, but if you ask her to lunch, and then tell her how you feel, at least you know one way or the other how she feels about you. :noes:
     
  22. kaxfenix

    kaxfenix Guest


    Yeah but you were not dating her family. Look man you will never be able to have a fresh start with that kind of attitude. Things happen for a reason, and if you continue to dwell you will never see the light at the end of this long dark tunnel.

    It's your life, but I can promise you I had it worse than you. It's about time you realize whats good in your life, focus on building that and cut the bad.
     
  23. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    That's why I really think I should do this. I've been a mess, an emotional wreck for the past 4 months, and for the past 2 months, I"ve been really depressed.

    At least if I do let her know how I feel, I'll know whether to move on, wait, or crawl into the forest and vanish.
     
  24. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    join the club =(
     
  25. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    :wtc: :hug:
     

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