The attraction of your partner fucking someone else V. Idon'tgetit

Discussion in 'Archives' started by VulgarTheClown, Feb 5, 2008.

  1. VulgarTheClown

    VulgarTheClown A child and a gun.....go together like apple pie a

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    I really don't understand the excitement one would get out of their partner being with someone else.

    I read almost all the threads in this subforum and I see that coming up alot.

    Just reading about someone's girlfriend being with someone else makes me moderately angry.

    Please someone explain to me. I wanna understand.
     
  2. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    The best way I could explain it is that there is a thrill behind it as it is tabooish and something new and different. In addition, I personally like to please Lovely and see her happy and that new experience is enjoyable and thus it is exciting. I would presume that you would agree that seeing your partner in ecstasy is a turn on. I TOTALLY understand you saying "yeah, I do...but FROM ME" and that is a completely acceptable response. However, for some people, they say the same as you AND that they think it is fun to see others as well. Personally, I look at the experience as a learning experience. I admit I am not perfect and others are better at things then me and it is exciting to see someone do something with Lovely that I have YET to do...and go 'hmm, that really got her off, I will have to remember that for next time'.

    I fully admit that it is not for everyone and that is okay. Moreover, I do not think it is for as many people as those that say it (if that makes sense).

    Hmm, Hopefully that starts the discussion...happy to explain further of course :)
     
  3. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Not sure we can do that, but we can try (I knew Bubba would help too) :mamoru:.
    Let me start by saying that I know my hubby loves me and won't leave me for the GF nor would she leave her hubby.

    With that out of the way, I love watching them together. I love the way he makes her scream when she cums. I like to watch how intent he is as he teases her into orgasm. Maybe it is partly that I can watch him do to her what he does to me and how he does it. His expressions, movements, etc.

    And she has expressed the same sort of comments as she watches me with her hubby.

    Also, let me add that since we have had this arrangement we are much more attentive to each other at home!!!

    As Bubba says.... if you want to know more, ask away!
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2008
  4. stubby77

    stubby77 New Member

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    I'm with Vulgar on this. Even if I could watch, I would not be happy. I'm not judging anyone..to each his or her own. I just am not into the cuckold thing. I'm sure my man would be mad if the roles were reversed as well.
     
  5. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I think that first comment is key...too many people think it is the sign of a weak relationship....personally I feel it is the opposite...you are comfortable with one another.

    In addition, the second comment really hits home for me. It is great to see that face and body in ecstasy and to be able to watch it from a third person....I mean why do you watch porn? The difference with this is that it is in person porn and that it is of someone you love and care about.

    I should also point out that most couples have rules and boundaries...and RARELY are couples playing separately. Personally this is important to me because it is not totally about one person getting pleasure from it, but rather a fun experience that we share together. Also, it isn't really about having sex with another person...I mean, obviously it is but it is COMPLETELY different from you and your partner swapping with a couple TOGETHER and your partner going off for a night of fun with some guy....COMPLETELY different....which I think a lot of people do not understand
     
  6. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    You and Sam are new to your relationship too. I doubt I'd be doing this if we were not so strongly bonded.

    Thanks for your comments, we love a good discussion (and it lets the n00bs see the proper way to state a disagreeing point of view) and keeping this thread going :wavey:
     
  7. VulgarTheClown

    VulgarTheClown A child and a gun.....go together like apple pie a

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    I've recently (last 2 years roughly) been instilled with a distinct distrust of women it seems.

    It stemmed from a bad relationship, then went into working downtown in the nightclub district.

    I think that is my main problem right there. People in general start with a negative score with me and have to earn their way up (when it comes to trust) You have to prove yourself trust worthy.
     
  8. stubby77

    stubby77 New Member

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    I understand where you're coming from Vulgar. I didn't have the easiest childhood in regards to people being trustworthy...it's something that challenges me from time to time.
     
  9. Leaden Grudge

    Leaden Grudge OT Supporter

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    The thought of it is hot, but I don't think I'd ever be able to go through with it.
     
  10. Mighty_Zeus

    Mighty_Zeus Guest

    That is a difficult concept to describe to someone, especially someone who may get angry about the idea, but I'll give it a shot as well.

    There is a certain freedom and sense of being that comes with being part of a couple that swings or plays. In order to do that of course you first have to have a bullet-proof relationship and that is really where it all stems.And then there is the difference in how a person comes to view sex.

    The religious foundation in this country has set a lot of standards. If you can break free of them (they are there wether you are religious or not) it opens up a world like crazy. For me it boils down to do I trust my partner, does me partner trust me? Yes? Then let's look at some things.

    Sex is pleasure, pure and simple. I want my partner to have pleasure just as much as I want it. The idea of my partner having pleasure is a turn on to me. When broken doen that way, then you shouldbe able to see that pleasure, no matter it's source, is a turn on.

    Also, it's a group thing. Most enjoy having a few beers with friends. Playing games with friends, have BBQ's with friends. None of those are fun by yourelf or just your SO alll the time. Sex, if you are able to see it as a means as well as an emotional tie, can be more fun with a group as well for the same reasons as the formentioned examples.

    That's all broken down pretty basic, but the ideas are there.

    Essentialy, for me, it comes down to this. My wife married me, she's not going anywhere. I married my wife, I am not going anywhere.

    We trust each other completely in all things.

    We are both freaky people and love other naked people. We love sex. How can this be made more fun? Add more ingredients.

    Meh, still didn't come out how I wanted, but I hope there are some ideas there that you can wrap your head around..
     
  11. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    You and stubby77 are exactly correct on this point. :bigthumb:

    There is a whole lot of trusting involved... trusting your partner & trusting your playmate/s. That is why we (those of us who do this) freely admit that this isn't for everyone, and it is a lot of hard work (but also great rewards). You have to be open and honest in your communications with all parties. You have to handle any issues as soon as they come up.
     
  12. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    :kiss: Thank you for the additional point of view :wavey:
     
  13. stubby77

    stubby77 New Member

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    I understand what you're saying. I don't think you're wrong or gross or anything negative. It works for you and your wife and that's what matters! More power to you!

    I think that even if my partner and I do get married, we aren't the type to open it up...let people watch? That's a possibility.

    For me sex needs to have meaning and an emotional tie. I'm emotionally connected to my partner, I trust and share my body with him and he with I. I don't share it with anyone else and I trust him so therefore know he doesn't share his :) It's not the only way we are connected but it's one of the more intimate ways.

    I also tried a polyamorous relationship almost 2 years ago...I'm just not wired for that.
     
  14. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I think that is a big part of it. That is why I tried to stress that it is not for everyone and it is not for people who are not 100% comfortable with their relationship. It can cause a LOT of problems. I think the idea interests a lot of people, but I do not think it would work in reality for many of them. I think your distrust would be a big reason why it would not work for you and is an obvious reason for not understanding or liking the idea :)

    And I TOTALLY agree with the comment about earning trust. I can only speak for myself, but Lovely and I have been together for seven years (married for 3.5). During those seven years we have gone very slowly with other people and had STRONG rules. It started with her best friend and it was just playing strip poker....then it went to touching...then it went to them playing a bit together (without me)....then them playing together with me present. The type of playing continually increased. This I would say started 6 years ago and it was only this summer that Oral sex between myself and the third person was acceptable...we have not done a full trade. So, I would say that I am fairly new in things and going rather slow...thus I might not be the best person for this (Rouge has more experience), but it is my opinion.....
     
  15. Mighty_Zeus

    Mighty_Zeus Guest


    :kiss: Heya Rouge mamma :naughty:
     
  16. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Agreed....prior to and after each session we have sat down and discussed things. In addition we have discussed it with the other party to see what their boundaries were. Trust is key...for instance I was telling someone else the other day about a situation where I had an opportunity to push the boundaries or break the rules (During one of our play sessions I was alone with a girl I wanted to fool around with but it had already been discussed that we were not allowed to do much besides heavy petting), and Lovely probably would not have found out...but I fought the urge and did not. Why? Because I do not want to break that trust and I knew that no good could come from it. I respect Lovely far too much to break that trust and go behind her back. Moreover, as I have said before, the purpose is not to fulfill my fantasies and pleasures...it is about fulfilling OUR fantasies and pleasures and that can not be done if you do not communicate what those are and trust your partner to respect the boundaries
     
  17. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Totally agree with that and understand it. For me personally, sex is sex....love and emotional tie is something completely different. Can they mix and overlap? Of course, but they are not synonymous with one another...therefore I can separate sex from love...some can not do that or do not want to, which is totally acceptable; and probably the norm
     
  18. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Do you mind sharing why it didn't work (or why YOU think it didn't)?
     
  19. Mighty_Zeus

    Mighty_Zeus Guest

    :h5:
    Couldn't agree more word for word, including the end. Vanilla folks have said to me many times "You must be missing something, or have an extra piece that we do not have." And that's what it comes down to. No right or wrong, just different in a very flavorful way.
     
  20. stubby77

    stubby77 New Member

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    Oh I don't mind sharing.

    I had feelings for one guy, and he had feelings for me but he was partnered. I was being manipulated and I've been in unrequited situations before and I promised myself I'd never do that again.

    I'm just a one on one person type when it comes to relationships.
     
  21. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I can see why you would be a one-on-one type of person and I personally see nothing wrong with that :) Moreover, for 95% (maybe less) of the population I suspect it is healthier :wiggle:
     
  22. DUCY

    DUCY New Member

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    The couple that I'm involved with seem to have a great relationship. They're very secure in themselves and their love for each other. As much as I enjoy being with the wife I don't love her or have any real type of emotional attachment to her. I'm not worried that one of them is going to get attached to me either.

    Having said all of that, I don't think I could ever share a SO with another couple or person. When I am emotionally invested in somebody as I would be a SO, I'm far too selfish to share them. I want to be the person they get off to, or with.

    But since I'm single, I'll keep having fun with this couple! :o
     
  23. Lech

    Lech Rhymes with fetch.

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    I have always dreamed of having a girlfriend who would be willing to fuck others. It's just hot, like seeing her turned into a total sex object and degraded and stuff. I would love to have seen any of my ex's triple penetrated lolol but the problem is I don't know how to set it up. How do you find guys who are disease free? AIDS seriously ruins all my fun. I guess the best strategy would be to find a couple and get to know them and then try it.
     
  24. DUCY

    DUCY New Member

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    I have worked in the nightclub industry and it can very easily distort your perception of how most rational females behave. There is so much drama and broken trust in those places it's unreal. I was a bartender for about a year after graduating high school and it definately impacted my view of women for a while.
     
  25. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    There are a bunch of older threads about finding playmates.... it isn't as easy as you'd think and sometimes it is. :dunno:
     

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