Text Message Flirting

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by CaliHaze, Jul 9, 2008.

  1. CaliHaze

    CaliHaze New Member

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    We have been dating for 5 months now, and about a month ago we discussed the how the relationship was going. We both agreed we would be exclusive with each other and make a dedicated effort to make the relationship grow.

    Today I found some recent text messages on my girlfriend's cell phone flirting with another guy. A couple of them indicated he wanted to invite her to stay over. She did flirt back, but did not respond with anything incriminating. Some of the flirting included phrases she uses with me, which really upset me. I didn't want to confront her about it at the time because I wanted me time to rationally think this through.

    Does anyone have suggestions on how I can confront her about this situation? I don't want to be snooping around in her phone and constantly be worried that she is cheating on me.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Why were you checking her phone? Has she done anythng to make you not trust her before?

    I want these answers before I go further.
     
  3. Alexqzilla

    Alexqzilla New Member

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    That's what you get for snooping.
     
  4. Dweezil

    Dweezil New Member

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    Exactly what she said.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Well, you've disrespected your gf and her property by snooping, and you are now going to be anxious/worrying if she is cheating on you.

    People flirt. It happens. What you need to watch for is that it does not go any further than that.

    And no, I don't have a good solution for getting out of this.
     
  6. CaliHaze

    CaliHaze New Member

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    I was suspect when she silenced her phone several times one evening while we went out together. I asked her who it was calling so many times, and she said it was her brother. It turns out it was the guy she's been txt flirting with calling. It was on a weekday when we typically hang out, which is why I thought it was strange and why I checked her phone.
     
  7. Dweezil

    Dweezil New Member

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    And stay the hell out of her phone. Privacy? *knock knock*
     
  8. fray

    fray New Member

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    I'm all for doing a little snooping if the situation warrants it (i.e., strange behavior or something else that makes you think something might be going on). So, I don't think you were necessarily in the wrong...but good luck explaining that to her. She'll turn it around and be pissed that you looked. That will be the basis for the fight. Not that she's flirting with someone else.

    ...best way to handle it? I don't know. Maybe just tell her straight out that you looked, why you looked, what you found....and then have her explain. What do you plan to do if she admits to it? Are you prepared to dump her if she's flirting and you don't approve? Do you just want her to know you know so that she'll (hopefully) stop? What's your goal?
     
  9. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    still not ok that you checked her phone

    if you want to bring this up without telling her you snooped, then you are going to have to find another way to have "discovered" that she is flirting.

    if you bring it up to her and mention you saw her text messages, be prepared for her to not give a shit about what else comes out of your mouth and be pissed and not trust you and acuse you of snooping, which is deserved....
     
  10. CaliHaze

    CaliHaze New Member

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    My goal is to get this to stop flirting with this dude. I want her to be dedicated to me, like we have already discussed previously. If she had stated that she did not want to be exclusive yet at this point in the relationship I would have respected that. But it seems like she has been lying to me. We both are busy professionals, and it's not my thing to be constantly checking in on her.
     
  11. fray

    fray New Member

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    But bringing up the flirting/texting is not going to stop her from flirting or make her more loyal. It is going to make her hide it better and it won't 'control her' when she is out of your sight. You may be looking for more than she can give you. Perhaps instead of discussing the texting, you should find a way to revisit the relationship status issue.
     
  12. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    ugh, i don't understand why people snoop.. there's just no excuse for it.. like everyone said, if you bring it up, prepare for a shitstorm to fall around WHY you were snooping. the flirting won't even be addressed.


    and, stay out of her phone. if you can't trust her, end it. point blank. there were obviously insecurities floating around in your head to even THINK to look through her phone and see who was calling.
     
  13. CaliHaze

    CaliHaze New Member

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    Yes, that is what I exactly what I expect to happen. I want us to have a rational discussion about this, and I don't know how to get the truth out of her unless I bring up what I found on her phone.
     
  14. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    what about mentioning all the calls she is getting and how its a little bit weird? are the text messages the ONLY thing that made you suspicious about this, or was it jsut the proof to what you assumed was happening?

    if you want to have an honest conversation about it, i wouldnt bring up her text messages at all. talk about whatever else is weird, maybe she is being distant, or constant phone calls while you are together, etc
     
  15. CaliHaze

    CaliHaze New Member

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    this is really good advice. I know I will have to work on my own insecurities before we can go further in the relationship.

    I know my behavior is unexcused, but so is hers. I want honesty and she wants to be secretive, so maybe this just isn't going to work out.
     
  16. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    The only way that will happen is if you make it two separate conversations. The minute you let her know that you went through her phone, she is going to get pissed. You can't have the discussion about the flirting then, because her view will be influenced by her emotion.

    BTW, this advice would be the same if your positions were reversed.

    She's probably going to tell you that it meant nothing..and it might just be some ego boosting flirting and that's it. But I don't know your situation.
     
  17. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    its actually refreashing to read this. i'm glad you realize that if she is the type of person to do something you dont like, then maybe shes not right for you.

    it always sucks if you have to end it in a break up, but you should be with someone you trust where you never feel like you need to snoop

    good luck!
     
  18. CaliHaze

    CaliHaze New Member

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    Yes, that's what makes this so hard. I KNOW nothing ever good becomes of snooping. I would have been just as anxious trying to figure out why she was acting shady if I had not looked.
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    WRONG. You can't and shouldn't have to make someone want to be faithful to only you.

    While I totally understand where you are coming from and I even understand why you were paranoid and snooped it's always a tricky decision to bring it up or not.

    Brilliantly said.

    Cali, while it sucks that she is flirting to some guy via text message I think the fact that she didn't respond to his invite to come over is a HUGE sign of her feelings or you. While you might not believe this it is true. If she truly had an interest she would've planned something or said something back to him. Yes, I'm sure you would rather she told him off right there and told him she has a "boyfriend" but what this proves at leads to me is it's just her way of getting attention :dunno: Everyone loves it at some point or another in a relationship, whether they want to admit it or not.

    I don't want you to feel awkward about this and continue to check her phone, yet it's pretty hard to bring this up out of nowhere. I'd even say to just push it to the back of your mind for now. While you guys have been dating for a few months you just made it official. Hopefully the more serious you become the more serious she will be and she'll cut out the unnecessary texting. And like fray said, you could always bring up your status again :dunno:
     
  20. IspitHotFire

    IspitHotFire 3 Greatest rappers of all time ? Dylan, Dylan, and

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    Classic sign your GF is cheating or will cheat in the future (ok maybe not "classic" but ive seen it happen to me and others). When i've been in relationships I have never flirted with girls via text, and the ONE time i found my gf(ex gf) was doing the same shit : silencing calls, flirting via text, she ended up cheating on me. I learned from that, and while I'm not too sure how i feel about snooping - if you feel something is up to me that is justification enough to snoop. You dont just get these gut feelings out of the blue.

    And to the person above who said it was a huge sign that she didnt go over.... she also didnt say "I have a boyfriend, that is rude of you to ask me to come over, dont ask stuff like that again" instead she probably said something flirty back. Again its not like shes cheating on him but thats not a good sign if she cant let other people know she is in a relationship because this same instance will happen a lot.
     
  21. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    Bail out.
     
  22. IspitHotFire

    IspitHotFire 3 Greatest rappers of all time ? Dylan, Dylan, and

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    and guess what? Theres a reson why shes flirting back. Do you think if the guy asking her to come over weighed 300 lbs and played WoW all day she would be flirting back with him? No. Think about it.
     
  23. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    She's obviously too much of a wuss so do it yourself. You go and make the relationship non-exclusive. Just have that expectation from now on, OR drop her because right now you two are not on the same page. The guy is not the problem. She's the problem. Even if you stop her from flirting with this guy she's just going to find another guy to flirt with.

    Don't ever bring up the fact that you snooped though. It never leads to anything good. If she feels lukewarm about you she's just going to get really pissed off. And if she has strong feelings for you well she won't any longer...
     
  24. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    You'd be very surprised. :rofl:
     
  25. ACLdestroyer

    ACLdestroyer OT Supporter

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    The fucked up thing about snooping is that you will ALWAYS find something. ITs just the truth.
     

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