Terrible situation for SO

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nev, Dec 9, 2007.

  1. Nev

    Nev Active Member

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    I've been with my SO for almost a year now and we've been through a lot together. We're close and both care for each other. We have definitely had plenty of problems (mostly her)...she has had a lying problem in the past that i finally got her help for, got her on meds, etc.

    A lot of her problems stem from her parents being unbelievably controlling. She is 22 and lives at home still. She's working, making pretty good money, but her parents do not allow her to do anything because of things that she has done in the past, and just because they are generally crazy. Overly so.

    Anyway, last night there was a huge a blowup...because apparently her parents said that she wasnt allowed to talk to me for a month:ugh:. Because she was trying to get better with her meds and stuff, and I was nothing but bad news. (In reality, i have been a savior to this girl and have helped her every step of the way, because she has potential to be the sweetest girl in the entire world...and she is, but she has a small problem that she must get over first...and she's getting there.

    She talked to me behind their backs for that month, they found out...freaked out on her, freaked out on me and put me down anyway they thought that they could...her mother acts like she is 14. There was basically a blow up.

    Today they give her an ultimatum. Leave their house without being allowed to return, without being allowed to spend holidays with her family, telling her they'll make sure the rest of their family looks down on her, etc. Or she can stay, and never talk to me again...cut off complete communication with me(I have never done a thing wrong that would incite this.)

    So basically, this is the situation she is in. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
     
  2. fray

    fray New Member

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    have you ever spoken to her parents about this to see what their real deal is? what do they say is the problem.

    if she left, and was competent and could stand on her own, I'm sure at some point they would welcome her back (unless they're really really crazy, and honestly you don't know that). however, are you prepared to support her and be the reason she isn't able to be with her family in the meantime? Where was your relationship at before this? It sounds like you have a lot to work through.

    Is there a possibility for her to take a small break from you so she can stay with them, get her shit together, move out on her terms, and then act like a grown up and do what she wants.

    Sounds like there's a ton of baggage there. More than I (an outsider to the situation) would want to put up with.
     
  3. Doc Love

    Doc Love Guest

    I have been here, you are taking their control away from them over her and that makes them upset. My advice for you, cut your losses and walk away, let her make her own decision about what she does. Do not influence her in any way, shape, or form. Somewhere down the line she will blame you if you do. Let her decide what is right for her. (though moving out is right for her as it seems from what you have said) Be supportive and tell her no matter what she decides, you will support her. That is all you can do. Also, stay away from her parents and do not consider talking to her parents. This will result in more problems than you need.
     
  4. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    This is basically what I was going to post.

    Nev are you still living at home as well or do you have your own place?
     
  5. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    Mother fucking dawt.

    DA
     
  6. Nev

    Nev Active Member

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    taht's pretty much what ive done. I dont try to persuade her at all either way.

    i did talk to her dad today though because he called me. We had a calm rational conversation...im not sure it really got anywhere...but i didnt mind it so much. I brought up a ton of points that he just simply had no response to.
     
  7. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Huh, My SO is in a similar situation, but not to such an extreme. Childish overcontroling parents FTL
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Why is she even still living at home if her parents are that bad? You said she's 22 working and making good money, she should be out on her own by now anyway. I don't think you should try to convince her to leave but it's something she should have already decided and done on her own.
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    That's why you move out if your parents are like that. Mine were like that too, told me I needed to "change" or leave. I left and I've never regretted it and we get along fine now and they no longer try to control me.
     
  10. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Yea, fortunatly I convinced her enough to move out on her own. I was always told to never get between her and her family, and I dont, but Ive learned to show her the pro's versus the cons of staying with them.

    It was so bad from the begining that if I did not ever end up with her, she would still believe all the BS oldschool ways that her parents (especially her mother) had put into her head, and live with them, and not go to her college of choice.

    EX: In our very first discussion about marriage, like a month and a half into our relationship (werent talking about us getting married, just in general) she said that "the wife should always fear the husband, and never question him, as well as make sure he dosnt do any work at home, which includes making sure that there is always dinner ready on time." My initial reaction :hsugh:

    Since then Ive taught her otherwise to not believe such retarded beliefs that her parents have tried to make her. This includes actually moving out when the time comes. Her mother is now actually trying to get her to stay at home during the time she should be at college or for that matter, moving on with her life
     
  11. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Dot.
    / thread
     
  12. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    People who have always had that overbearing environment are afraid to leave. they've been convinced they can't make it without them.

    Now, they way you talk about this girl (I was a savior, most of the problem was her) is probably exactly how her parents have looked at her (she can't make it without us, she has too many problems) And honestly, thats probably a lot of why shes with you (we seek relationships we're used to) Now it might be true, she might need you in that way because she was never allowed to make her own decisions and is now incapable of it.

    The only point of saying that it to reiterate that people who have always been controlled, and told they can't do whats best for themselves, will always feel that way, and always feel that they need taken care of. So shes afraid to leave.
    If she does leave, she will expect YOU, after a brief period of rebellion, to take over controlling her and keeping her in line.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2007
  13. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    lying problem = run as fast and as far away from her. no matter what you tell yourself a liar is a bad person who will fuck you over in the long run.
     
  14. k0in b4hd

    k0in b4hd New Member

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    dude, she uses you. cant you see. she lies because it benefits her. run before you find out she fucked 5 black guys
     

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