A&P Sunday, April 11th, my father passed away...

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by psykosis, Apr 19, 2010.

  1. psykosis

    psykosis Go placidly amid the noise and the haste

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    He was 60, and had a massive heart attack. He passed away at home by my mother's side working in the garden, and there are few better ways to go than that in my estimation. He passed away with little pain, doing what he loved by the side of loved ones. I will miss him deeply and forever. His passing has taught me something about the way I shoot casual photography, though...



    Seeing as how my father touched the lives of so many people even beyond our family, I wanted to build a slide show to chronicle his life and the memories captured of him and those whose lives he touched. Much of the photos were film of course, but I knew I had shots of him that I have shot with a digital camera. One of the things we enjoyed most, and that will be hardest for me to do now without him with me, is attend the local car shows. So I was browsing through the hundreds and hundreds of photos from the shows, and I found one single photo with him featured in it. And as I was looking through all of these photos, I thought back to when we are at the shows and I would wait for him (and others too of course) to step out of the shot so I could capture the car. Now, looking back, I have a massive regret that I waited for him to be out of the shot, or to not take the moment to capture him enjoying the show or have someone else capture us together. The shots of the cars mean little to me now as I look back at them, but photos of him would be so much more important. Hell, most of the cars I shot I saw a couple weeks later at the next show in the next town. Truly this has changed how I shoot. Now, if I am shooting an assignment/job, of course this will be different, but I will be making an effort to capture the people with me in some of the shots, because looking back, it's that time shared with them that I remember most about the shows, not the cars themselves.

    Please, take time to spend with your loved ones. I can attest to how quickly and unexpectedly they can be taken from you. Life is short, and often much shorter than we realized. Seize the day, and capture the moment with those closest to you. Some day, those moments and memories will be all that you have left.

    I love you Dad. Thank you for being a friend, a hero, and a leader to me. Thank you for loving me no matter what I did, and teaching me that it's ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them, and own up to them when you make them. I am the man I am today because of you, and I love you and thank you for that. I so wish I had more time with you, but I'll see you soon enough. Until then, I will cherish our time together, honor your memory, and continue to be the man you taught me how to be. I love you dad, and I miss you.




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  2. iridium130

    iridium130 OT Supporter

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    :hs: Sorry to hear man :hs:
     
  3. NOR*CAL

    NOR*CAL OT Supporter

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  4. psykosis

    psykosis Go placidly amid the noise and the haste

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    and yes, that's my fat ass in the green fleece.
     
  5. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia

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    So sorry man. He dies a very young man still. I got teary eyed reading that too. I can't imagine losing my dad.

    I don't deal with death well at all.
     
  6. psykosis

    psykosis Go placidly amid the noise and the haste

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    I'm glad he's no longer in pain (he had really bad arthritis in his feet and knees, and worked every day standing on a concrete floor as a tool & die maker), but I'll miss a lot of things. I can't call him up and ask him mindless questions just to hear him talk. I can't stand by his side working on a car, or enjoying a classic car show. I can't call him for advice when I need it. I can't lean on him for support. I can't see him smile anymore while he's playing with his dogs (who are still looking for him btw). I lost my father last sunday, but I lost so much more at the same time. I'm 33, and I wasn't done with him yet. He still had more to teach me.


    He once said "The older you get, the smarter I get."

    He was absolutely right. When I was 16, I knew everything and he was an idiot. As I grew older, I realized just how wrong I was about that.
     
  7. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia

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    Felt the exact same when my Grandpa died years ago. It's still very difficult for me to think of him as not around. Ugh. His wisdom and words are eternal though.
     
  8. tetsuo

    tetsuo And shepherds we shall be...

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    :hug: sorry for your loss. my dad passed away 2.5 years ago, when my son was almost 3 months old. in that time i didn't get a single picture of him and my dad, so i know what you mean about regretting not getting shots of people. :hsd:
     
  9. Etherized

    Etherized Active Member

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    Wow. My condolences.
     
  10. psykosis

    psykosis Go placidly amid the noise and the haste

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    I'm afraid that time will dull my memories of what his voice sounded like. We have a bunch of old family videos on vhs I'll have converted to dvd for my mom, my brother, and I. I asked my mom to please pre-screen them. I imagine there are some home movies I just don't want to see.
     
  11. horselover fat

    horselover fat in your driveway stealing your internet

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  12. SprayGun

    SprayGun Active Member

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    Wow so very sorry to hear man. You're making me teary eyed here. I hope you can get through it as best you can. I couldn't imagine what it's like.
     
  13. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia

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    Time will ease the pain i'm sure. I know what you mean though, its hard to bring yourself to watch because you don't want to begin crying.

    My brother and I made my dad albums of us as kids growing up until now, including my older brother who died many years ago. He could not look beyond one page. Closed it and went on to ours.

    I feel for ya. having those movies converted would be fantastic and great for the time you are ready to watch them.
     
  14. psykosis

    psykosis Go placidly amid the noise and the haste

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    I'm doing pretty well actually. My mother, amazingly, has held it together, so she hasn't had to lean on me too much, though I was the first call she made. That call will be etched in my mind forever.

    "Hello?"

    "Aaron, you should come over."

    "What!?!? Why?"

    "Your father is dead."

    *click*



    Once I got to their house (less then 2 miles away), she explained what happened, and told me to call those who needed to know. That sunday is hands down the worst day of my life. I lost my father, and I had to tell my brother, and my dad's brother and sister. Once I started making calls and taking care of things, my mother seemed to be ok. Honestly, if she had passed instead of my father, it would have been much different. He'd still be sobbing uncontrollably. She's holding up very well. I don't think it's really hit her yet (I know it hasn't totally hit me yet). It won't hit her until she starts to get back to her daily routine. The first time she makes dinner and puts out two place settings, she's gonna fall apart. Thankfully my brother and I are very close to her and can help her with whatever she needs.
     
  15. Girth

    Girth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ OT Supporter

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    I'm so sorry about your loss. I can't imagine how tough it must be to cope. :hs:
     
  16. psykosis

    psykosis Go placidly amid the noise and the haste

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    It's so shocking when it's a sudden death like this. I don't know if I am coping. I think I am. I mean, I'm not curled up in a ball, sobbing without end. It just doesn't feel real yet. Of course I knew this day would come eventually, but I thought it would be many years from now. And almost all of my mother's ancestors passed away early due to cancer. I'm afraid I'm going to lose her way before I'm ready also. When she passes away, and I'm alone, I'll be in bad shape.
     
  17. SprayGun

    SprayGun Active Member

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    I imagine you're in alot of shock right now I expect you to curl up into a ball and start bawling in due time :wtc: when I lost my great grandpa i didn't have any emotions because i didn't know him. 2 weeks later it hit me like a brick realizing what an amazing man died and I never took the time to get to know him :(
     
  18. tetsuo

    tetsuo And shepherds we shall be...

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    i know what you mean about the phone call. i was the first one my mom called when my dad died in a farming accident. i'll never forget the screaming in the phone, jesse, daddy's dead! :wtc:

    and yes, time will help all of your family members; i know its cliche to say, but it really does help. i still think about my dad pretty often and would trade the world for 10 more minutes with him, but it doesn't hurt as much as it did when it first happened. and yes you are probably in shock, i know i was. at first it didn't seem real because i hadn't seen him on a daily basis since i moved out years earlier. it really sank in the first time i needed help with a car repair and he wasn't there to call for advice. :hsd:
     
  19. xenon supra

    xenon supra OT Supporter

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    Sorry for your loss man :hug:
     
  20. Jcolman

    Jcolman OT Supporter

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    So sorry for your loss. Your dad was the same age as me. Your well written prose really touched me. I think about death quite a bit more now that I'm in the "evening" of my life. I try to live life every day as if were my last but it's hard. I'm busier now than every before, but I'm enjoying myself and my family.

    I hope that what you wrote will give others pause to consider their own families.

    Peace to you and your family brother.

    :hug:
     
  21. Cesium

    Cesium OT Supporter

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    :hug:

    I've lost a lot of people in my life over the past few years. It's always hard. Hang in there.
     
  22. P-chan

    P-chan New Member

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  23. Gvidon

    Gvidon New Member

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  24. djlogik

    djlogik New Member

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    So sorry for your loss.:hug:
     
  25. Girth

    Girth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ OT Supporter

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    The only thing I have this to compare to for myself is when my wife's brother was shot to death 5 years ago. I remember she was in school at UT in Austin and something made her want to come down and visit her family for the weekend. Sunday morning around 3 AM, I get a phone call from her sister w/ her crying over the phone. Couldn't understand what she was saying and at first, I thought her sister had pocket dialed me at a club or something. Eventually, the only 2 words I gathered were "my brother" and "dead".

    Needless to say, I jumped out of bed, rushed to the airport and found the first flight to Houston. The scene I walked into was the most depressing scene I've ever been a part of in my lifetime. Between her, her parents, her sister, and her brother's g/f, I didn't know if I was going to be able to compose myself and be strong for her. I ended up driving them around making the arrangement for the funeral. It was a very surreal time!

    When Kami was born, in her brother's honor, we gave Kami her brothers first name as a middle name. To this day, over 5 years later, she still randomly talks about him and wishes he was here to meet Kami... how he would be w/ Kami... or what he'd be doing now.

    I don't think the pain ever goes away, it just stays w/ you and numbs. You just become accustomed to living w/ the loss and moving on w/ your life. The memories will be there, and all that'll remain are the good times.
     

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