SRS Suicide.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by scottymcc, Apr 13, 2008.

  1. scottymcc

    scottymcc New Member

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    I am that close. Medication is failing me now and there are no other drugs available for my condition. I know what's coming. I can't stop these damn fucking thoughts coming through.

    Might be a cry for help but I have no intention of going back to where I was.

    Fuck this life.
     
  2. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    1-800-SUICIDE

    CALL NOW. Or go to the ER.

    What's going on scottymcc?
     
  3. scottymcc

    scottymcc New Member

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    Bipolar. Ultra Radian + Mixed Mania + etc.

    I'm in India and the one med which worked is failing. I am done with this shit. The ER here won't do jack shit. The last time I saw a doc on this I had to lie to stop being sectioned. Fuck this.

    I'm 14 yearsd into an illness that really had no mercy, Thoughts coming into my head are rampant, it's kinda like someone talking to you very quickily and there's no getting aways.

    14 Fucking years of this shit. I know what is coming. I am done with this shit.

    Fuck life.
     
  4. scottymcc

    scottymcc New Member

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    Looking for my shrinks number. Gotta love it, I have it in a cell phone I use in the UK and it's out of power. I can't find the fucking adapter.

    I need to talk to someone IRL.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Scotty, what's going on with your health man?
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :hug:
    Man I'm really sorry to hear you're suffering and that you don't have access to help. What do you need? To get out of India? Is that even possible right now? Can you get back to the UK where there are docs that can help you....even if it's just for awhile?

    Don't give up man. Life is worth living.....don't quit. I know it's difficult right now but please hang in there and find the help you need. Don't let the docs there dismiss you before the treat you. Be assertive and help them understand the gravity of your situation.

    You will be in my prayers and I hope you feel better soon! :hug:
     
  7. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    if you get to t his thread first, check your PM for my AIM, and we can talk through there or i can give you my number if you want, but i figure that is more difficult since you are out of country.
     
  8. scottymcc

    scottymcc New Member

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    So I seem to have had a fight with my father, gotta love him. I try to talk to him and my mom about killing myself and hits out with all kind of shit.

    I have no love for the guy.

    I talked to my mum and she is pretty adamant that she will stay with me the whole night. Lost the damn number of my shrink, will probably visit the hospital tomorrow but the truth is there are no drugs they can give that will work.

    This royally sucks ass!
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    A good reason why you shouldn't commit suicide.
    http://www.near-death.com/experiences/suicide04.html

    When i was at that place were you were now, i thought that suicide was the only thing left for me. But then i came to think: this is the easy way out, but its not the right way how to deal with problems. You can't commit suicide for each and every problem that you face into your life, you will just get reincarnated and will have to live that entire shitty life AGAIN! with all the pain accumulated up till the point were you commited suicide, and step over that hurde in order to proceed with your life.

    When i was suicidal i was so self centered on all my problems, i didn't even see how much my family would have got hurt and the misery my family would have to go thru. I live even if its just for my mom.

    What you need right now is a serious reality check, those medicines are symptom suppressors and not problem solvers, you need to goto the root of your problem, and tackle it. You haven't told us your story really yet on what the hell happend to your life, but its better that you spit it out to blow off some steam. Going to the hospital is step 1, getting medicines is step 2, getting psychiatric help is step 3. Analyzing and talking about the problem, and then with help from everyone tackling this problem together, you don't have to be alone in this man, were here to support you. :hug:
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    AND stay away from your dad, actually stay away from everyone that doesn't support you, what you need right now is people who understand and support you.
     
  11. scottymcc

    scottymcc New Member

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    Staying away from him is impossible right now. I did find out that there are no facilities here for people with these problems, visitied my PDoc and he's offering to meet with me whenevr and give me abode for some days in the hospital.

    Changed the prescription a bit too, moving on to Klomazepam or whatever..sorry I am pretty much out of it after the Benzos I was given. I really have no idea what's going on now and rely on spell check to give some kind of coherent message.

    It waqs always comming but I think Canibal Holocaust didn't help/

    I understand your intentions are noble but for me it is ultimatly about quantity ovrer quality, the benzos m,ay help and nbe less damagng than drink ...damn my english is getting worse and worse. This shit rocks!

    Toaking my fasther to the shrink nedt week so they can chat. Hopefully talking to a professional in this field who knows me for severtal years will give him some insight. Probably won't change mutch as he's still to set in his ways but it's something.

    Dhit, my Eglish is all over the place. Benzos, a hell f a drug!
     
  12. Verdugo

    Verdugo New Member

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    I know how it is to be in your shoes. Start eating by the food pyramid and avoid anything that's processed. Exercise vigorously. Challenge yourself. Personally, I've turned into a health freak and it's the best thing I've ever done. I've gone from always depressed, hopeless and tired to alright, hopefull and energetic. Do green tea (decaffenated), a multi-vitamin and fish oil (omega-3). Also change your perspective and attitude towards life. When I started feeling better and achieving alot I noticed that my attitude towards life was just shitty. Learn to relax just as you learn to focus. I hope that helps :wavey:
     
  13. BTCollins

    BTCollins I met a gypsy and she hipped me to some life game

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    When it rain it pours man, just please and try to keep a positive outlook on life and it will turn back around. There are several people here in this thread that are willing to help you in any way we can. Suicide is permanent, I know it's pretty obvious, but just work your way through the tough time and things will get better! Just know that you are not alone..
     
  14. Kitler

    Kitler Fabulously Gay

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    I was just recently in similar shoes, but over a completely different matter, and let me tell you... I am glad I didn't pull the plug. Why? Life is better than it has ever been, I don't remember being this happy in about 4 years.
    I know this isn't what you want to here, because you are thinking this doesn't help me, I am not going to get better, and I am going to die. These are all not true; Infact they are extremely untrue. I went from my parents calling the police on me twice, because they thought I was passed the point in which they could physically stopping, to now not even thinking about sucide. I haven't even considered suicide in the last 4 months.
    If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, or anyone else offering there help. But please! Please don't give up, it can be oh so much better.

    I left you my contact info in your pm box.
     
  15. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    Can you possibly get outta India? Sounds expensive but you have a UK mobile... you have to be visiting India from what I gather.

    Reason why I say that is that I don't think Indian mental healthcare, even for the ultra-wealthy, could possibly be any good. I think you'd be doing yourself a favor if you got out.
     
  16. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Have you thought possibly that your shrink isnt working? Ive heard some horror stories but out of the 5 ive had only one was a moron.
     
  17. scottymcc

    scottymcc New Member

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    This is number 9. I do feel a lot of resentment at some of the rest but the guy worked with me, went on his own time to research my condition were in the past they just said "interesting" and did jack shit.

    I noticed though the young ones fresh out of Uni are useless.:squint:
     
  18. scottymcc

    scottymcc New Member

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    Lesrning to relax right now, pretty spaced out so if my English is pretty bad it's really because I'm a little gubed. My mood changes perhaps 5 -15 times a day. I'd love to get to the gym but social phobia makes it a problem.




    Yes, I thank them and you all for the support, having a fast paced forum and advice on hand from as far afield as the US meant and means a lot. Thanks for the guys/girls shooting me PM's. Getting blood tests towmorrow so I can start something new......hate this shit though, the waiting to see if something will work. Till then I'll be whacked out on Benzos. One bottle of beer and I'll be on the floor.:mamoru:



    Thanks again, it does mean a lot. The posts in this forum did I guess motivate me to do something as soon as possible. Real problem is having something hitting me for 14 or so years constantly and running out of options. It's a pretty drug resistant form which isn't much known about, very little research is being done on this and if drugs work it's by chance. If things go to shit again I may take you up on your offer, again thanks.


    I was surprised at the level of Health care I got here. In the UK you wait for two months to see a doc, then wait again the same amount of time to go back. Here you can see someone within a couple of hours. The PDoc I have worked in the UK NHS. The drugs are cheap as hell - the Nimodipine in hte US may cost $60 a day, here it costs me half that for a month.

    The UK won't prescribe a drug called Gabapentin to me but here I get it and have had the best results...the US also prescribes it for this condition so I'm not sure what's going on in the UK.

    My overall condition can go up and down but overall I have had far better treatment for a fraction of the cost. 1 hour trip to an Ex-NHS doc costs about $3.00.

    Last time I went to see a shrink in the UK I was pulled off everything to see what was going on, told to come back in two months to see exactly what was going on...even after telling them. Came back 2 months later and got the same shit. Eventually nearly sectioned for lack of drugs and wanting to kill my father.

    Put on some shit that did little sodium valproate, did Jack shit and my new Doc (changed after I flipped) suggested I go to some kind of councilling. The people around me notice a vast improvement in me since coming to India. I can be on the equivellant of $1500 of drugs a month and pay about $40 here.

    SOrry if I rambelled, I'm off to take some more of these Benzos - :o
     

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