SRS Such mixed emotions I'm having right now

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Green Bastard, Jul 3, 2007.

  1. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I've been pretty much living with my gf since the winter.

    I was travelling 34 miles each way to and from teh gf's to my job, and my parents' house, where I had lunch each day and talked with my folks. I also stayed there a night or 2 a week when the gf was working a backshift.

    Today was the last day of my old job, I start the new one tomorrow.

    The new job is 10 min away from the gf, and I'm moving in.

    When I packed SOME of my stuff tonight, my mom broke down. I did too. I haven't seen my mom cry since her mother died in 2002. It was tough to see.

    She said she's going to miss my daily visits, and the occasional evening staying over.

    I told her I'm only a half hour away, and I still will probably stop over for the occasional evening when my gf is working backshifts. And I'll always call. Not to mention that I'll be over on my days off too.

    But the emotions are tough.

    If you recall, my dad is very sick:

    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=2694588&highlight=dad

    So They're always on my mind :hs:

    MY gf is very understanding too, which makes this easier on me. SHe said I don't have to move in if I don't want to.

    I want to, there's no denying that!

    IBhate.
    Yes, I'm 34 and living at home.
    Serious replies only please.
     
  2. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    I'm sure it's tough for you and your family, but I'm sure your mom understands that this is something you should do and that you have your own life to build; at least I hope she understands :eek3: It sounds like you give your mom a lot of emotional support and will continue to do so, but you should hardly feel guilty (I'm hopeing you don't) for moving out. Luckily you aren't very far and can still visit. Hope you feel better.
     
  3. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    My mom understands that I have to get my own life in order. She *LOVES* my gf. And she knows we'll be happy together too.
    She also said that she really doesn't want me to be there for every day of my father's worsening health too.

    His alzheimers is getting bad. He's weak, needs help to just get up or move around, too. His moods are occasionally erratic with the disease, and he's been making wild accusations to my mother. I think that's what's making this harder for me, too.
     
  4. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    dude u have to start ur own life. just make sure not to forget about ur mom cause she cares about you.
     
  5. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I am very serious with my gf. She is hands down, the most amazing, sensitive, and understanding person I have ever known. And I've told her that numerous times. I have told her that she's the one that I can see myself growing old happily with. She says the same.
    I do love her. With all my heart and soul, and every fibre of my being. We've been dating a year.
    She also has her own house in her hometown. And my parents have their own house since the 50s.

    My mother is 69, my dad just turned 76. Mom is tough, but she's got a lot of work in keeping dad going (fed, getting him up and back to bed, his chair, etc.) and she's too damn stubborn to ask for help with anything, and hates charity (or help from others). She also won't tell anyone if she's feeling sick, sore, or whatever. She hates to burden the family.

    My gf said that if I'm not ready to move in full-time just yet, she totally understands because she lost both of her grandmothers to Alzheimer's, and knows exactly what we're going through. She said that family always comes first, no matter what.

    I know I have to move along with my life, as I'm not getting any younger, but this is a really emotional decision for me.
    I want to be with my gf forever, but I also want to be there to help my mother.

    :wtc:
     
  6. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    I would say your worrying too much about this. This will be from a very objective side, but people die. It's part of the process and we live to die. We are all decaying matters. Now granted that may hurt to see as I have seen with my family also.

    On the good note my morals are set with family > gf's. Thats just me buy I hold the highest respects to my parents and I would rather keep them happy then keep some gf happy. However I would assume she realizes that you need to move on at some point in life. You can't just be her house baby for ever. At some point the children have to move out for their own. I'd talk to my mom and see what she thinks about all of it.
     
  7. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Mom misses me because dad's not the most conversive person around, with his alzheimers.
    She said it's like losing her best friend. That nearly killed me.
    I called her twice today to see how she's doing, and how dad's doing, and I think talking to her really helps the two of us.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You are not responsible for making your mom happy. I know, it sounds cruel but sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first...then we can help those we love.

    There is never a good time to move out...loving parents always take it hard. I'm the youngest of 5 kids so when it was my turn, my mom tried to be strong but it was very difficult for her. Thankfully I was too young and drunk to notice otherwise I might not have moved out...or stayed out.

    It's difficult to move but it does get easier with time. It's good that your gf is so understanding so just do the best you can from one day to the next. Some days will be better than others but be true to yourself and you should be ok.

    Also, can you get your mom to exercise on a regular basis?? My mom is 77 and 3 years ago we lost her husband (my step-dad and one of my best friends). We told my mom to go walk at the mall and she did....it helped tremendously!! My mom also has some friends close by and we all encouraged her to hang out with them more....that also helped a lot.

    For the physical needs, you might consider hiring a male nurse to help your mom. Yes it can be expensive but it's better than her getting injured from doing more than she can.

    Hang in there man....you're going through a growth spurt and these are usually difficult but oh so important to our own maturity.
     
  9. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I moved out a few years ago for a year, with someone I trusted, and mom wasn't upset. She knew the relationship wasn't gonna last lol. She knows that my gf is something special, this time.
    Mom is too stubborn/proud to have someone help her. We've tried, trust me :sad2: There's home-care in the area, and they're obligated to help seniors out when needed. We've told mom, but she doesn't want it, just yet. She said when things get too hard, she'll do that.
    But my next oldest brother lives about 5 min away from her, and I think he'll be making more visits to see how they're doing.
    And she knows that I'm not abandoning them. I'll still be making regular visits to see them. I have a dentist appointment very early tomorrow morning, and my gf is working backshift tonight, so I'm going over to spend the night there, and see them in the morning as well before I come back here.
    And mom has light emphysema, so walking any distance is really out of the question for her.
     
  10. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    They're not trying to guilt me into, or out of something. My mom was just used to my company. :hs:
     

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