stuck?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by taintedutopia, Apr 11, 2006.

  1. taintedutopia

    taintedutopia New Member

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    my new bf treats me great. like he does eveything for me, buys me flowers and the whole nine yards....there's jsut one problem...he's not my typical guy in the way that he's sooo innocent and naive. i don't think he's ever been sexual in any way with a girl, and idk if he's jumping to...he's very caught up in treating me right and being a gentlemen and what not. now i've always had kind of "extreme" fantasies and what not but i'm willing to put them aside and go slow, i jsut dont know how to do it. im not sure if i'd jsut be able to handle the hand holding and occasional kiss, i jsut need more than that, and i think if he'd let himself experience things he'd like it, and it wouldn't necessarily be disrespectful...i just think being the first girl to do any of this with him i might flip him out (he's already indicated to me he doesn't like girls who go around seducing guys) and idk i'll respect him bc i like him but im just wondering if theres a happy medium or if i should just let it go, (he's kind of shy when it comes to that stuff as well, im the exact opposite) im just not sure he really knows the real me when it comes to that side of me, i was just wondering how to somewhat make him realize its ok to have fun and experience things, and i guaruntee he'll like it, im also willing to be patient while he learns with me, i jsut wanted some advice from someone who's been through something like this, i jsut don't wanna cross the line...
     
  2. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

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    Ok, I take it you guys kiss, hold hands, etc.

    Just take baby steps with this.
    If you try to get the guy to jump into bed with you right away, the guy is probably going to cream in his pants before he even rounds second.

    So do what you can to take those baby steps. Very small baby steps.
    For instance. Watch a movie or go to a movie. Try to get him to touch your leg when you are hold ing hands. Or touch his. Try kissing for longer and longer each time you kiss.

    Also. Bring out some bigger guns. Do what you can to show cleavage.

    Last of all be patient. This just might take some time.

    However. If things won't progress at all after a while. I would honestly start to question his sexual preference.
     
  3. taintedutopia

    taintedutopia New Member

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    idk i just assumed that he'd want to do things...especially if he hasnen't, after talking with my xbf last night and some people about it i did decide that i'd scare the crap out of him if i did anything major...idk i dont want to emabarass him i just want him to feel comfortable and want to do things...idk how to explain it exactly...
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    How long have the two of you been together and how old are you? It sounds like you are moving a little bit faster than he wants to. Also, why don't you talk to him about it?
     
  5. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    If you try to do anything to soon he may think you are a slut (not saying you are but this kid sounds prety niave) and then he may loose respect for you. So take it slow and maybe talk to him about it.
     
  6. taintedutopia

    taintedutopia New Member

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    idk we've been together for about a month, but its more the things he implies about not liking girls seducing guys and such, and its kidna what i am you know? im just not used to people being like this...most of the bfs i've had were open with me and im the same, it was comfortable to talk about it bc they were comfortable talking about, but maybe bc he hasen't experienced anything it makes him uncomfortable, but i've decided that maybe i should write him a note or something saying that this is how i feel and i don't want you to feel uncomfortable or pressured, etc. but this is how i am, and im not expecting high standards but if he's up to trying some things, im up to doing them, and jsut sort of explain myself and my past relationships and how i relate to guys and show my feelings. see, ususally i show my feelings through actions and i've always been that way, im not hugely lovey dovey or a huge romantic, some girls like it, i don't...its just something i think he should know about me i just want him to feel comfortable enough to talk to me and undertand where im coming from? does this make sense at all or no?
     
  7. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    My opinion is if you can't tell him exactly what you've told us, you probably aren't ready to have sex with him anyways ;)
    You never answered how old the two of you are?
    Why do you want to rush things anyways?
     
  8. taintedutopia

    taintedutopia New Member

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    18, and its not that i wanna rush it and neccessarily have sex with him right away, its just for when i do do that with him and other things, i just don't know how to bring it up, he doesnt seem the type and he's basically said that, he's jsut soo innocent, and i dont want him to think im a slut, but its also more that most of my relationships have not been those cute handholding every second relationships...it wasn't all sex but it was a happy medium, and the boys weren't so sweet and innocent, they had their moments, but all the time? im jsut not that kinda girl...
     
  9. bobbarker70

    bobbarker70 New Member

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    Well, tell him this.

    I know what u mean. MY first real serious gf wasn't ready for sex adn just liked to be romanced alot. So I did it. Notes, flowers all the time etc etc. My gf now has dated alot of tough guys adn I am not. I do suprise her alot, but not nearly as much as teh other gf. i'm much more sexual with her because its what she wants.

    Tell him what u want and if it doesnt work out move on.
     
  10. taintedutopia

    taintedutopia New Member

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    yeah idk i jsut think that if he's that shy then idk...and im not saying that i want him to turn into some kind of sex machiene i just want him to realize that i like stuff like that and im not much of a romantic...its how i express my feelings...but i am trying to find ways to casually tell him things about me that are more on the edge i guess, like asking him if he wants to play 20 ?s with me and thigns like that, and jsut seeing if comes up, i've started hinting little things that i've always been a bit on the crazier side....but we'll jsut see, he might just need to be broken in a little bit...who knows :) i hope thats what it is...
     
  11. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

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    Yeah. You are young and he probably definitely isn't used to moving as fast.
    Asking your ex what he thinks is not a good idea. You are not going to get a straight answer and is not a good idea.

    Reasons:

    1. You and him had your own thing, just like you and your new BF have your own thing. You are used to moving faster with your ex, so how do you think your ex will help you? He is not the same guy. Treat your new BF like you and him have your own thing. Don't compare.

    2. I don't care if you are over your ex and he is over you, he is going to compare too. In his eyes, no one will be better than he was, so of course he is going to tell you what he would do if he were you or what he would do if he were in your new BF's shoes. He is going to see where the other guy is not him and where your current BF is messing up.

    3. Bringing in your ex to this is going to complicate things. You need to make your own decision on this. This is not a love triangle here. This is a "you and your BF" relationship. So you need to decide things and consider things between the two of you. Don't include your ex's opinion into your relationship.


    I have a few question for you.
    Do you love your BF?
    If so have you told him?
    If not, why are you wanting to move so fast?
    Are you still in love with your ex?
     
  12. taintedutopia

    taintedutopia New Member

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    its not so much i depend on him i was more asking him bc i know he'd answer me and not be weird about it, i mostly asked him how like he felt the first time he engaged in those types of activities...not so much for advice, i jsut wanted to know how it's gonna go, he basically said prolly a little awkward, you might wanna just act like nothing happend or wanna talk to him about it after and stuff like that...but on to your ?s

    1.+ 2.) im not in love with him no, im not quick to fall in love exactly, it takes me awhile to get those feelings of "love" although i do like im alot, but he does tell me he loves me....

    3.) its not so much that i want to move fast, its just that when the time comes i just want to know how he's gonna feel, and it its gonna bother him knowing i've done the stuff i've done, and how he's gonna feel knowing its his first time for things and i've done them already and that sorta thing, and also for him to know that i am kinda extreme to a point, where as he's a gentlemen and it might bother him knowing thigns about me like fantasies etc. im trying to jsut kinda hint thigns about my past with this kind of stuff to me and see what kind of reaction i get...but i am waiting until the time is right to do stuff, i jsut have never been in this situation...

    4.) i really don't know. he was my first love, so i'll prolly always have feelings for him. Do i think it would ever work out between us again? No. Do i want to get back together with him? No. I think its more of a lust than anything seeings to how he knows me and knows what i wanted...it started out as love and now its just kind of deteriorated over time, like most things...but he's a very confusing part of my life...but we're still friends, we talk, i trust him for the most part, there's no hard feelings...i just found someone i'd rather be with thats a genuinely nice guy, i jsut don't know how he's gonna respond to my usual way of relating to guys, bc i know its diff then his, and based on some things he's said i jsut dont know how he'll react or if he even wants to do those type of things with me. its jsut hard to tell....
     
  13. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

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    Ok. Just some constructive critisizm. So don't take this the wrong way.
    I know you are probably going to think that I am wrong, but take it how you want to. It's your life.




    Doesn't matter. It's still not a good idea. You might think that if someone was mature enough, they could handle it. HS mistake right there. It is actually the opposite. You need to cut yourself off completely from your exs if you ever plan on having a successful relationship with anyone in the future.


    Ok. You don't love him? Then what is with rushing things? He is rather young and inexperienced. Why would he want to move so fast with a woman he loves, but doesn't love him back? That is just opening himself up for getting hurt. Can't you see this? Are you looking at this completely from your angle alone?

    I know what it is. You are horny. You haven't had any in a while and you want some. It's only natural.
    This guy is saying he loves you. So when would the time be better?
    When he falls in love with you even more and you hurt him even more?
    You are comparing your past to what you have with this newer guy.
    STOP. You have to treat this new guy like YOU AND HIM HAVE YOUR OWN THING. You keep dropping hints is like rubbing it in his face. You are obviously still very stuck on the past. You need to get over that.



    You're still friends? Are you still fucking him? Have you fucked him since you have been seeing this new guy? Being friends with an ex is not a good idea.
    I don't care how mature you think it is, it isn't. Next thing. You are worried about if this guy will like to do the same things. How about having your own things with this guy, and letting them develope. That is what keeps things interesting in a relationship. Having things that only you and him have.


    You don't love him.
    You compare your current relationship to you past experiences with guys.
    You still talk to your ex. (maybe even fuck him, that is yet to be determined).
    You aren't patient.
    You're very young.
    You're even a bit selfish.

    You might be experienced physically, but when it comes to relationships you are very immature. You have some things to work on in this area. In the mean time, either come out with what you want to say to him and how you feel, or break up with him. Because what you are doing to this boy is mean. Flat out mean. I know you don't mean to, but it is. This guy is falling in love with you because he doesn't know any better and you are just dragging him along.

    Now like I said. I was frank and honest about what I said, but constructive critisizm works that way sometimes. Take this how you want to. But if you are going to be successful at relationships in your life, you are going to have to learn to be less selfish and put yourself in his shoes.

    I wish you the best of luck.
     

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