Stuck in a sexless relationship.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by LT Smash, May 25, 2009.

  1. LT Smash

    LT Smash Give'm the kick

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    I've been seeing this girl for about 4 years, its very serious (but no talks of marriage) and we love each other a lot, but the thing is we dont have sex often. Maybe twice a month, and its been like this for a long time. I know she isnt cheating on me, but shes a person who worries a lot and that keeps her from being in the mood. And usually im ready to go at the drop of a hat(because i only get it twice a mo.) but she doesnt like it because she says its too easy. I've tried almost everything (acting uninterested, lots of build up, ect.) it just seems like shes not interested. Im pretty sure its a psychological problem, but I dont want to be stuck in a barren relationship especially if i marry her (which i could see myself doing) i have no idea how to bring this issue up or how to go about it.
     
  2. ptwiggens

    ptwiggens New Member

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    Whatever you do... DO NOT marry her if this problem persists.
     
  3. illmaceyougood

    illmaceyougood New Member

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    superliminal
     
  4. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    go about it head on. it sounds like you put effort into it. if you are thinking you might marry her, she shoudl see someone about this problem.

    however if you're not sure, this sure as hell sounds like a dealbreaker
     
  5. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    "Too easy" ... what's too easy? Sounds like mental issues. Twice a month?! Part of the benefits of a long term relationship is regular/semi-regular sex. Twice a month doesn't qualify as that. It'll only get worse when you get married and then have kids. You're not going to be able to force someone to have more sex with you if they don't want to. If it's a big problem for you, dump her and find someone else.
     
  6. UrbanKnight

    UrbanKnight Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun

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    You need to bring it up, bluntly. If its a dealbreaker, it really is a dealbreaker... 4 years lost is better than 40.

    Part 2- She is not going to change... it IS going to be a sexless marriage, you either live with it, or move on...
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    I love how you let it get to 4 years before finally deciding to do something!
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    What a horrible position to be in. My condolences, that sucks. You have to be that guy who wants more sex... :ugh: Is she considerate? What exactly are you going to say? Write it out here so that you have some idea of what you will say.
     
  9. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    ive been there. i loved her very much and staid in the relationship. she used to turn it around on me saying all i cared about was the sex.

    i tried being romantic, spicing things up, acting like i didnt care, etc

    it led to a lot of arguments and eventually was part of why we ended our relationship. 6 freaking yrs later!

    get out of it right now if the sex is a big factor bc she will not change. trust me.
     
  10. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    oh by the way.... i made the mistake of marrying her.
     
  11. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    That sucks. If she's on BC, it could be killing her sex drive. She could switch pills or you can switch to a non hormonal BC. That might be the only approach she'll be willing to hear from you because it will turn into

    Beyond that, see a counselor together so she'll take it seriously and be open to change.

    Reading for both of you : His Needs, Her Needs
     
  12. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Perhaps she does not realize how important sex is to sustain a healthy romantic relationship or how important it is for you, or for your sense of intimacy between you and her (your lover). You really need to sit her down and let her know how truly frustrated you have been lately, and that you need both of you to do something about it.
     
  13. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    for 4 years? damn. If shes been this way for four years and doesn't think there is anything wrong with it, I doubt you are going to have any luck improving the situation.

    Are you close with any of her really good friends? The more people she hears from that twice a month is like hard moldy bread crust and water the better.
     
  14. LT Smash

    LT Smash Give'm the kick

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    I have no idea what ill say to her, we both love each other very much and i'd hate to leave her shes great. But this situation shows no signs of ending, and it to the point where I won't even try to get things started for fear of getting shot down and being frustrated.

    I'd probably bring up the fact that i feel like theres no passion or intimacy between us, and go from there.

    and thanks for all the replies guys.
     
  15. Dargone

    Dargone Noob

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    Yeah, that's a good idea. If everything else really clicks then I think it is worth trying to save. It is actually easier to find the sex than the other stuff. At least in my experiences.

    I would let her know that in a healthy relationship twice a month is not enough intimacy. If she comes back with-Is sex all you want? You reply with-I'm not asking for it every night, but twice a month is not acceptable.
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I would say seek professional help immediately. You've invested 4 years and nothing has changed. She doesn't sound like she wants to change but there are some medical problems that could be causing this in her.....she also might just not be that into sex....some people aren't.

    I would never have waited 4 years to address this but oh well, you can't go back in time. So you have to decide what's important to you. Sex sounds like it's important. You need to seriously think about this getting worse when you get married because it usually does. Would you be able to live with that? If not, you seriously need to reevaluate your choices....yes it might be excruciating to leave but you may find it's the exact thing you need to do.

    Good luck.
     
  17. Dargone

    Dargone Noob

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    Yeah, the more I think about this the more I think you need to have a heart to heart and maybe get some counseling. I was just talking to my SO about this, who happens to have the sex drive of an 18 year old boy on Viagra :bigthumb:, and she thinks there may be hormonal issues and/or emotional issues. We both think it is worth trying to save if everything else is great. Keep us posted...
     
  18. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    let us know how the talk turns out..
    please
     
  19. scent of a wookie

    scent of a wookie OT Supporter

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    4 years? :rofl: sounds like sex isn't that important to you, so you might as well just marry her
     
  20. LT Smash

    LT Smash Give'm the kick

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    Im thinking it may be a hormonal issue as well, i may have the talk with her tomorrow if i can gather my thoughts correctly. I'll let her know how serious this is to me and insist we take action wither it be medical or otherwise.
     
  21. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Not to sound like a damned broken record, but:

    Run. Run and Don't Look Back.

    Your sexual needs aren't being met and odds are they aren't going to be met. Your only shot at salvaging the relationship is to start an open and honest dialogue, maintain that level of openness and honesty, and get a third party (counselor, therapist, etc.) to help. And even doing that, your best case scenario would be a slow progression over years. If you think she's worth it then give it that shot, but consider yourself warned.
     
  22. Dargone

    Dargone Noob

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    The thing is, every other aspect of their relationship is aces. For me, this makes it worth it to try and sort this issue out.
     
  23. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Oh, don't get me wrong- I'm all for trying to work things out. I just think everyone should have a clear view of what they're getting themselves into. If they can work through it and end up living their happily ever after together, then more power to them. The odds aren't in their favor though and even if they do manage to pull it off, it'll be a difficult and frustrating road to travel. That being said, I think most people (myself included) tend to bet the long odds- but because of attachment more than anything else. Just my 2 cents.
     
  24. LT Smash

    LT Smash Give'm the kick

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    What sucks is that I love her to death and she's pretty much perfect for me, but if I ask myself: "if I bring this up, will anything really change?" the answer is no. I don't see this changing. It kills me becuase were not "on the rocks" we don't really argue we get along fine.
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Here is the bottom line:

    No matter what the problem is you two will never have a long successful relationship if you hold back how you are feeling.

    You've held back how much this bothers you for 4 YEARS man, that is so ridiculous it's not even funny. No matter what the issue it needs to be brought up early on and in a straight forward way so that you can't start justifying your actions and stressing yourself out over what she might say/think.

    Tell her. Tell her tonight or as soon as possible. It has to be brought up and talked about in great detail. If nothing changes then you need to wake up and realize you two aren't perfect for one another.
     

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