SRS Stuck In A Rut

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dutchwiffle, Sep 20, 2005.

  1. dutchwiffle

    dutchwiffle New Member

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    Have any of you ever been stuck in a long-term rut?

    Well that describes the last 4 years of my life, starting from my senior year of high school.

    I can't even begin to explain how my rut began. Because I don't know how it began.

    One day, I realized that some of my close friends have changed. And that the whole social hierarchy within my high school changed. Of course, things have been changing for a long while, but I guess I didn't pick up on the changes until it was too late.

    I got kicked out of this band that I used to be in. My friends / bandmates replaced me with somebody from "the In crowd." And this is what he told me: "Survival of the fittest."

    So I grew distant from some of my friends.

    Which was fine, but that still leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. You'd figure that by senior year, people would be able to get over popularity and stupidity like that. But I guess I was wrong.

    But in general senior year was alright. I had a steady girlfriend, my non-superficial, non-shallow friends stuck with me, but still. It hurt.

    So I go to college. Originally, I was choosing between a fun state college and an elitist private institution. I've always wanted to go to fun state college, ever since I was in the 9th grade. However, since I wasn't a resident of California, my parents figured it'd cost almost the same amount of money to go to Puke (if one factors in living expenses and what not for LA). (yeah, the fun state school was UCLA. The private school is... on the East Coast somewhere).

    And deep down, I knew I should pick UCLA, because it's more my scene, and I'd be so much happier. But I guess.. I dunno. I wanted to show all those... superficial and shallow people that they were retarded. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess you can say... I don't know. I was overcompensating. I wanted to prove that I was in someway better than they were.

    So I go to college, knowing that I might have a hard time fitting in with the kids at a private college.

    And turns out I was right. And it was just... such a shock for me. From being relatively popular in high school to being a nobody, because I didn't come from... because I wasn't a blue blood.

    I made friends, but in the end they all stabbed me in the back. They cared about popularity and what not as much as, if not more, than the kids I knew in high school. And I'm talking about intelligent people, people with aspirations to become doctors, investment bankers, lawyers, etc etc. Still stuck on that shit. You'd figure people smart enough to get into an elite private school would know better. But I was wrong.

    And not just that. But the only thing that kids there worshipped was the might dollar. All they cared about was scoring that 6 figure job out of school. And it's... really sad. Intelligent people that should be giving back to the world, but instead they're so self-absorbed that they... just care about money. When I feel that... I dunno. if you have the ability to make a difference, you should.

    And that left another bitter taste in my mouth.

    Even worse, after spending 3 years there (I hated it so much that I decided to graduate early), I left. And I decided to become a ghost. In the sense that I just wanted to take some time off, travel, to find myself.

    I figured I'd go home for a bit. And it was weird. I realized how much that elitist place has brainwashed me. And even though I hate it, I think so much differently from people at home. And it's weird.. home's not home any more.
    My parents are trying to set me up with a daughter of one of their friends from the rotary club, and after hanging out a couple of times I realized that I have nothing to say to her.

    Nothing... at all.

    I don't know what I'm getting at. But I guess it was just depressing realizing that people still havent' changed since college. And... I don't know.

    I have a girl friend back at school.. She's still in school. And I do like her. But I hate the fact that talking to her forces me to .. I mean she always talks about the stupid bullfuckingnonsense that still goes on in school. She's still so caught up in that shit.

    I don't know.

    I guess what I've been trying to say is that... things in my life have just made me sad, depressed, cynical. I mean, at this juncture in time I just don't know what I want to do. I spend most of my time watching TV, playing golf, and playing party poker.

    And I graduated cum laude too. And I'm still.. I don't know. I'm just scared. I don't want the rest of my life to play out like how it did the last four years. I don't want the world to be a superficial place, but perhaps it is.

    Sometimes I wish I had gone to UCLA.

    I don't know. I'll stop here. I just. I guess I'm just feeling down, and I'm trying to make sense of... everything. =X
     
  2. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

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    I'm not really sure that to tell you.

    You obviously aren't an idiot, life sucks.
     
  3. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    You are focusing on the past way to much. You are comparing your past experiences with your new ones. You say everything has changed, your friends and what not. Well think this way, maybe it is you who have changed??? Ever think of that. Yes the high school popularity and money is something that should not filter into life, but sometimes knowing the right people can give you a hand up and help you out. Not saying I am popular. I too have plenty of ghosts in my closet and believe me, I have realized (after going through some simular aspects in my life like yours) that life is way to short to focus on what was. It is time for you to focus on what could be.... I know that after being stabbed in the back by friends, or ones you thought were friends it becomes hard to trust new people. Well in order to find yourself you need to figure out what attracks you to a person. Not just physcial, but in a friends aspect. You can't go around wishing things could be the way they were. Because after 6th grade, everything begins to change. In order to survive you either make the rules, or adapt to them. In my own experiences I have found it is better to build what you want then borrow what you need. You need to try to meet new people, go out have some fun in your life. You need to start building that social bond which I call a "anxiety pillow", why? Because without friends to help you through, it is hard for family members to understand what is going on. Find yourself, and become what you see yourself becoming. Because you can't live life to the fullest, when the glass is not even full. Good luck.:)
     
  4. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    The best advice I can give is to just leave all that behind. Don't think about home, don't think about school, because all that is getting you down. Just make a new life for yourself. You're a cum laude graduate, so you've already got a very hard part of life out of the way; I wish I had stuck it out with my degree. The rest of what you described sounds trivial; not how you feel about it, but the situation itself. If it is making you sick, just distance yourself from it and forge ahead with your own reality. Go to a bar, a golf course, what have you; make some random friends in a strange place. Keep the friends that stayed with you through bad times and the ones you still hold close to you, but just burn the rest of it away. As for your girl/friend, just let her know that you really don't want to talk about anything school-related because it hurts you; if she's any type of friend, she'll understand and go to someone else about it. I've had to remove myself from unhealthy environments where I was spinning my wheels before, and it's difficult at first, but eventually, things just come together to make a whole new life.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You made the wrong choise in your life.

    Choises create realities. You tried to proove you where different from these people, that your position was spiritually more elite then their materialistical views on life. But you only had to look in your heart to know that you 'are' different from these people, and that you 'are' more spiritually elevated if your mind goes out into helping people and backing up the world. It is unfortunate that your music band kicked you, and it is unfortunate that the elitist pricks have brainwashed you.

    If i where you, i would start my own music band, and pursue a road in life that DOES give you happyness. That gut feeling is always right you know.
     
  6. dutchwiffle

    dutchwiffle New Member

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    joe cool 707 has a point. haha
     
  7. dutchwiffle

    dutchwiffle New Member

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    for whatever it's worth, it did feel good just letting all that out.

    but yeah. I guess i'll have to look within myself to find the answers.
     
  8. R-Type

    R-Type The Bydo Empire must die!

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    1. People do affect each other, therefore they are part of the problem.
    2. So then what are 'sucky' people supposed to do to 'fix' themselves?
    3. Experience is relative. Your paradise is someone else's hell. Who are you to judge? Who cares if 'most people' would kill for that opportunity? He's not talking about them.
    4. You're probably right, he would have been just as miserable at UCLA. His complaints aren't excuses, though, as a lot of his peers probably were shallow.
    5. After reading his post, I'm sure he's well aware of his own flaws and has tried to take steps to correct them. This has caused him to recognize these same flaws in lots of others.. The problem here is that most others won't go through the same self-reflection. They walk around thinking they're perfect and others just aren't as 'cool' as they. It's all part of the same issue. He recognizes the solution to his problem is that other people need to do as he has done, but also realizes he cannot change other people. So what should he do?

    Spend more time offering advice and less time pissing all over someone to inflate your ego. That just shows you are part of this problem. Take your own advice bro. Do your part.
     
  9. LabradorBoy

    LabradorBoy OT Supporter

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    You have been let down by society, but the reality of it is - although not your fault - is that you have been surrounded by the materialistic scum and bureaucrats that will get no real satisfaction out of life. I have been in a similar situation as you and I can truly relate. I grew up in a cabin, my family were simple people that made a good living travelling back and forth to town and working seasonally. When I turned 17, I went away to University in "the big city" to become an Engineer and be influenced by the same gang of money-mongers that you were. I had no interest in the life-goals they had and I too was stabbed in the back by people whom I thought were friends.

    You need to do what I did - get back to your roots and do things with good people. Get the fuck out of the city and surround yourself with real people who give a shit about real life. Volunteer with a few non-profit organizations - with your education, you no-doubt have skills that some good cause badly needs - go fishing, go to work with a wilderness camp or an outfitter for awhile, or if that's not your thing, try something else. These kinds of people DO give a shit and their influence can help you to get back some of that good feeling.

    It worked for me.
     
  10. LabradorBoy

    LabradorBoy OT Supporter

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    Take it easy before you have an aneurysm man :ugh: ....although I can't say I'm not laughing at your posts. Maybe my advice did sound a little hippy-ish.

    My suggestion is simply to go hang out with some of the less power-hungry people of the world and do some good. They still want their paychecks and they still like to live in a house and pay their mortgage, but without the cut throat attitude.
     
  11. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    My, my....interesting thread...interesting responses....gee the internet is wonderful in terms that one can and does get exposed to so many points of view, some are logical, some are from the heart, some are bravado and some are just plain childish.

    The two things I have always admired about the Asylum is that there is respect and compassion as well as the fact that most people who come her have a problem, and those who respond to that problem, give the fairest and best answer they can.

    But I digress...
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Joe Cool has made some really excellent points. If you can't see it, read it again.
    Plus it made me laugh, that's worth something too.

    Asylum is a place of healing, and sometimes healing happens best with lightness and laughter, and not taking yourself so seriously.
    Too much sombre petting and mutual sobbing is counter-productive after a point.

    The trick is to know when that point is reached.
     
  13. dutchwiffle

    dutchwiffle New Member

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    JoeCool707, granted, you made some good points, and I agree with you.

    Perhaps I do suck.

    And yes, perhaps we should stop this Emo-shit, this pinko-communist-emo shit.

    Yet, I'm surprised that you feel the need to rip apart my life after reading one post that I have made.

    Joe Cool, you know nothing about me. I've done things in my life that you can probably only dream about.

    So Mr. Joe Cool, next time you rush to judge, remember that you know nothing about me.

    And that's that. Say what you want man, because obviously you know more than I do.
     
  14. dutchwiffle

    dutchwiffle New Member

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    You're right.

    =)
     

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