SRS Stuck between the one i love and the job i need

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Brigante, May 10, 2006.

  1. Brigante

    Brigante i'm a lurker without an avatar, deal with it

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    a little over a month ago i was promoted and transferred to a differnet office 80 miles away from my girlfriend. first off, i love girlfriend to death and i have every intention of making her my wife. but the promotion is also very important as it's something i've been training to do for over 3 years and i just couldn't deny it. i accepted thinking 80 miles isn't bad and we could appropriately adjust, which i still don't think it's a terribly long distance at all. but she's having a difficult time adjusting.

    we used to live 10 minutes from each other and see each other very often. i understand we were spoiled with time together before but i never anticipated she would take it so hard. she was supportive when i broke the news to her. when i moved she was very emotional. then ever since it's been up and down. one week she'll be fine with everything, then the following week she'd cry every night.

    my problem is i don't know how much more she can take. she might decide that she can't take it anymore. and i just can't give up this job so easily. i consider finding another job closer but having trained for this position for so long and finally getting it means a lot to me. i've worked very hard. on the other hand, my gf means the world to me and i don't want to lose her one bit but everytime we talk and she's in tears, it just feels like i might. :wtc: any advice is appreciated. thanks.
     
  2. i94tex

    i94tex New Member

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    If you both want the same thing (marriage), the two of you will find a way to make it work. Life is full of change and challenge but if you both truely want to be together, you will adapt and find away to make it happen. Ultimately, someone will have to compromise (but hey, it is good practice for marriage ;) ).

    How long have you two been together? Can she move closer to you? (if not right away then eventually)
     
  3. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    i was in the exact same situation last august, except my distance is 400 miles and although it's tough as hell, we have our fights and doubts, we've made it this far. You both have to realize you now have a different type of relationship, one that in order to work needs looser ties. She's going to have to hang out with other people as will you but as long as you're both committed to each other you have a strong chance of making it. You both can't sit home every night crying over your distance, that's only going to end things quickly. How long until she can move to where you are?
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    If you have every intention of making her your wife, have you discussed this aspect of your relationship with her? Part of her troubles in acclimatizing to the change may be a perceived loss of commitment on your part. There may be nothing of the sort happening from your point of view, but less time together feels like such a loss to many girls. If she doesn't know your intentions, how can she plan adequately for the future?
     
  5. Brigante

    Brigante i'm a lurker without an avatar, deal with it

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    thanks for the advice. i have mentioned my intentions to her but we both know neither are really ready for that move just yet. it's almost a year since we made our relationship official yet we've known each other and have been very close friends for a little over 5 years. we "went out" together just us two many times before but just as platonic friends, no sex or even making out. then we just realized we were so right for each other last june and got together.
     
  6. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    As long as you both feel the same towards one another, and both want the same for the future, you'll make it. It doesnt matter if your not ready for it right NOW, just as long as its something you want down the road.

    My bf and I lived 200 miles apart for the first 6 months of our relationship. The only time I didnt cry when one of us would have to drive home was the first time. In the beginning we'd only see each other one weekend every 2-3 weeks. But we both knew what we wanted. Its hard, I wont lie. I couldnt imagine doing it reversed (being together then being apart), but if its worth the same to both of you, then it'll all work out.
     
  7. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    ask her to move in with you?
     

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