SRS STAYING FAITHFUL v.long distance

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by njftw, Oct 15, 2009.

  1. njftw

    njftw New Member

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    kind of a silly question to some of you I'm sure. But I have a very hard time staying faithful, no matter how much I like/love the girl. I think most of it is because I have been in a couple of long distance relationships.

    Now, I was in Spain for over 3 months and met a girl that I really really hit it off with, she is German. So when we both finally went home we decided to keep it going since we literally spent 24hrs a day together for over 2 months and really started to develop strong feelings for eachother.

    So she lives in Germany, and now that we have been together for a while I've been to see her and she's come to see me (she's coming again at Christmas). She told me she was falling in love with me right as we left Spain, and now I feel the same way for her BUT I get this feeling I wont be able to be faithful to her either and I really really want to.

    I'm 23 and this girl is soooo right for me that it's awesome. Even with the thousands of miles between we have had a 100% perfect relationship. Better than any I've had where I lived close to the chick.

    How do you keep yourselves honest and not screw around on your SO?
     
  2. Gannon

    Gannon Guest

    self control.
     
  3. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Are one of you guys planning to move to be with the other soon? If there's no end in sight to the distance then you probably won't stay honest very long.
     
  4. njftw

    njftw New Member

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    Well kind of. She's got a couple of years left of school in Munich, and then she'll probably move to me. I have a steady job that I won't lose and she has always said she doesn't want to live in Germany. She told me she's thought that way even before we met... so that's most likely what will happen. She's also told me her plans are to graduate and then move to wherever I am and try to find a job....

    It just sucks, because I really want things to go right and I hope I don't mess things up. Each time I cheated on an -ex, I'm the one that got paranoid after... karma is a bitch I guess.
     
  5. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    so don't cheat
     
  6. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    It's a simple analysis really..

    What do you have to lose vs. what do you have to gain.

    If you have more to gain than lose, do it
     
  7. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Remind yourself what you will lose if you cheat.
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Here's what I don't understand.

    You know you can't stay faithful. You aren't even going to get to have a real relationship with her for a couple of years. So why don't you just.....not be monogamous? Why put yourself through this (and end up hurting her) when there is an easy solution?

    You are only 23. The chances of you and her staying together and being faithful to each other for 2 years and still wanting to be together are very very slim. Why don't you just stop kidding yourself and let yourself be single since that's obviously what you really want to do? You have trouble staying faithful because you don't really want to be in the relationship.

    This is something you need to get out of your system and it's not going to happen by trying to force yourself to be faithful. There's nothing wrong with being single and enjoying it. It's better than hurting someone else because you decided to commit to something that you can't really commit to.
     
  9. njftw

    njftw New Member

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    Damn. Real talk. That's what I was waiting for someone to say :hs:
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    so you were waiting for someone to give you permission to do what you want to do?
     
  11. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    what do you look for when you cheat, sex or emotional connection ?
     
  12. njftw

    njftw New Member

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    no, not exactly.

    Um, for me... it's more of the thrill of meeting someone, having them drawn into you, then playing cards until she either does or doesn't want to come home. I don't go out looking for girls by ANY means. But if I go out with friends, or if I'm somewhere where it's easy to talk with girls then this starts to happen.

    But for me, it's weird. I like to meet a girl, pretend I like her, have her like me so I can have sex... then I usually don't want to talk to her anymore (obviously typical guy). But I'll go along with the "i like you" part for weeks if I know I'll get some
     
  13. Gannon

    Gannon Guest

    you're a complete tool.

    keep going down the same path and end up in the same situation. Why did you make this thread in the first place?
     
  14. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You're in the early stages. If you find it difficult now, the future is grim.

    Shake the magic 8 ball, it'll tell you the same. Seriously though? You have to make a conscious decision whether to be in or be out of the relationship -- assuming you want to keep your conscience clear and remain respectful of that girl.

    It's a decision. You choose. I've been seeing a girl who lives in Italy. We've been together since Oct 2007. I've stayed faithful, but our circumstances are probably a lot different than yours.

    We see each other a lot and the many months we don't, I'm usually too sick to care about even thinking about being unfaithful.

    At any rate, the choice is yours.
     
  15. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    I don't think he's a tool, you probably say that because his actions don't fit into your moral values. It's his life, he can live it any way he wants to. It's good that he starts asking these questions, shows that he's trying to understand himself instead of following a chosen (by others) path. Cheating is not good or bad, it's just a part of life.

    Good luck :bigthumb:
     
  16. Gannon

    Gannon Guest

    I say he's a tool and then explain why I think he is. Its one thing to live a lifestyle where you're having a good time, its another to want your cake and eat it too. He's a tool if he can't have a little self control in which is all it takes.
     
  17. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I don't see how calling him a name which serves no purpose beyond expressing your own disapproval and disgust aids in helping him work through things he's brought up.

    Focus on the principle, not the personality. Offer something useful.
     
  18. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    :bigthumb:
     
  19. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    so you enjoy manipulating women for your own personal gain?

    break up with this girl, she deserves a lot better than you...
     
  20. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    How can you possibly say that? Cheating hurts someone that the cheater supposedly cares about. Hurting someone else when there is an easy solution (break up first) is definitely a bad thing.
     
  21. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    it might be bad for YOU and only because you think so. That is your hurt ego is talking. Which is naturally selfish. But it's not bad in itself.
     
  22. moneymoguls

    moneymoguls New Member

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    If you want to stay faithful, avoid looking at sexy women. In other words keep your eyes closed. If you get hard, you're doomed!!

    Man has a hard time with sex, well actually without it. The brain stops working when aroused. It's dangerous.
     

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