Lately I've been seriously toying with the idea of starting my life over. I haven't had the easiest life and as much as I wish it were not the case, everyone who I though cared about me and my life is either dead/or never actually cared. Due to some unfortunate circumstances I was kicked out on my own a number of months ago and I'm making it but I don't like where I am. Every day that goes by I feel like packing up my clothes and my computer and just leaving. Changing my phone number, my e-mail and just walking away and starting over. I feel like the only way I can move forward is to write off everything that has happened in my 19 years alive and just move on. I've been thinking long and hard and there is only one person in the world I have even a slight desire to continue having any relationship with whatsoever. Maybe this is a problem with me as a person, maybe its a result of my upbringing. I just really want to start over, be the person I want to be, not the person my circumstances have created. At first I just thought this was running away from my problems but the more I look at it the more I feel like its just cutting away the baggage and cancer from my life and saving myself from snapping and just putting a bullet in my head. I keep running this scene through my head, which I thought about putting at the end of a movie about my life (I toyed with the idea of writing a screenplay) where its winter and I'm hailing a cab with a suitcase and I turn to my mother and say, "You've never done anything for me my entire life. I'm asking you to do this one thing for me. Let me go." I just don't know what to do. I don't think I'd be able to bear another holiday season the way they've been, I feel like if I don't change something, it'll all be over. So, sorry about the length but if you read it, I'd like to hear your opinions.